The time is here! Nothing like having the joy of Thanksgiving family & friends on Thursday, THEN be willing to yell obscenities at them 24-48 hours later when your teams square off for their annual clash! ZT & the Padre wish all a Great Thanksgiving, then put on your “Hate Hat” and get ready for some rivalry football!
ZT has eaten 2 lbs. of pecans while his wife/daughter are baking pies. Opted to leave the Sweet Potatoes alone for now. Prognostications in waves with games Thursday-Saturday…..Wave 1 before I get into the cranberry and “other” sauce…..
THURSDAY Prognostications
Mississippi State Bulldogs 41 Ole Miss Landsharks/Rebels/Adm. Ackbars 17
The 115th version of the Egg Bowl and liking the storyline in this one. Bulldogs are 7-4 and headed to their 9th straight post-season appearance with 1st year HC Joe “my beer doesn’t need” Moorhead. Ole Miss can’t go anywhere because of NCAA sanctions and they suck so this would be their bowl game if they really cared. Landsharks come off a heartbreak loss to Vandy while MSU, who arguably played Bama the best of anyone this season, rebounded with a throttling of Arkansas. MSU & the 1st year staff want this one in a bad way! Most see this as a battle between a stout Bulldog Defense and the Ole Miss passing attack with QB Ta’amu to WR AJ Brown. ZT sees 2 keys to a State victory. 1st Bulldog QB Nick Fitzgerald and the Bulldogs looking for some payback for a 2017 loss that saw Nick go out early with an injury that sealed their fate. 2nd, Ole Miss HC Matt Luke is a nice guy……and we know where they finish in football. He is so nice the local Chik-fil-a in Oxford was offering 2 free game tickets with purchase of a sugar-free lemonade. Midway 3rd quarter and down 27-7, HC Luke walks off the field. He is found outside in The Grove watching the Saints-Falcons game and says ” I bet $1000 on the over and everyone knew the Egg Bowl was over before it started.”
ZT Quick Pick Turkey Day Pro Selections
Detroit Lions 21 Chicago Bears 20 Pre-Turkey Game & Upset Stomach Special
Bears QB “Biscuit” Trubisky likely out so Lions eat hibernating Bear for Thanksgiving in a close one.
Dallas Cowboys 27 Washington Redskins 14 Eating Turkey & Dressing Game
How can you have a Texan named Colt at QB leading a group of Indians against Cowboys and NOT smell something fishier than a dumpster at a seafood market?
New Orleans Saints 47 Atlanta Falcons 28 Turkey Sandwich Game
Inspired by the 104 points scored by Rams/Chiefs on MNF, these teams try for a repeat…..bet the over, drink a lot, and cheer for points! Can’t go with Falcons for losing to Cowboys in ATL just 4 days ago!!!!
ZT taking a break to sneak some ham and chase it with some Fireball…more for Friday!
ZT went to grocery store with 84 other husbands who were picking up “forgotten items” for the Thanksgiving feast…..was inspired for an early Friday prognostication passing the beef and the green sprout sections so here you go….
FRIDAY – “FEED ME ANYTHING BUT TURKEY GAMES!”
#14 Texas Longhorns 41 Kansas Jayhawks 10
To start with, Les Miles can eat more grass than BEVO ( which is different than former KU Coaches Mangino and Weis who could out eat BEVO straight up!) and that is a 2nd reason BEVO will not be allowed at the game ( 2nd bracket comment of the post: KU does not allow live animal mascots in their stadium. ZT assumes they get “stampeded” so often in football it is for the protection of the team and the 43 fans that might come on the field if they play someone close). Read a story about the 5 key matchup in the game. ZT laughed noting there is only 1 key to this game. Texas is coming to town. Texas played in front of 102,498 last week in Austin. KU total home season attendance is 101,325 and basketball is now in session. Miles may make it better in Lawrence but not this week!
The Padre has been under the weather and under the influence of some medication to clear it up so the prognostications should be particularly insightful….
SAY “Rivalry Week” 5 times. I can’t make it 3 without messing up. Probably not a good thing for a man who speaks for a living. Thankfully, I don’t preach on college football rivalries. OH WAIT…..yeah I do. I mention it a lot!!
UPSETS GALORE!!
West Virginia Mountaineers 44 Oklahoma Sooners 41
In a minor upset, Gen Xer Holgorson takes out up-start Millennial Lincoln Riley. Then the fans burn the couches in the streets of Morgantown! That’s a weird tradition, but hey–whatever you gotta do!! Meanwhile, West Virginia beat Texas and finishes 1st in a round-robin league. Their reward? Traveling to Dallas to play Texas for the championship. Yeah….That’s fair!
Washington Huskies 30 Wazzu 27
In another minor upset, the Huskies spoil Captain Leach’s Magical Mystery Tour.
Ohio State Buckeyes 27 Michigan Wolverines 26
Once again, in another minor upset, Bucky finds a way. Michigan is the better team, but Meyer’s boys are able to pull it out at home. PREDICTION: If Ohio State does NOT make the playoff the following Sunday, Meyer retires within 3 days. Meanwhile, for Harbaugh, the boogers sure don’t tastes as good when you lose!
MAIN LINE PROGNOSTICATIONS
Florida Gators 26 FSU Seminoles 23
I feel crazy nervous about the game and am really concerned FSU will win . Of course, I always think Florida is going to lose. The reality is that if Florida loses, the season ends up being a massive failure. Florida should win, but I also know what happens in these games and it is in Tallahassee. I superstitiously don’t want to pick UF, but I am a man of the Bible and not superstitious…….so……..Gators pull it out. If they don’t, I may swear off football for a year!
The Roman Empire sponsored by Dreamland BBQ 44 Auburn Tigers 13
The Empire Rolls. And I may be crazy , but I think Malzahn is fired on Monday after the game. Saban? He will be the first coach till age 100. Why? Because we all must be tortured by Caesar that much longer.
LSU Tigers 26 Texas A & M 24 – Vegas Upset
Coach O finishes season 10-2 and makes a major bowl. In his contract, if he wins 10 games, Coach O gets a bonus of : 1) Gumbo for life 2) Free beads for Marsh Gras 3) And the best, 3 free points from Saban for next year’s game in Tuscaloosa.
The Padre is headed back to bed with chicken soup, a Vicks vaporizer, and a stuffed voodoo doll of a Seminole ( thanks Coach O! ) with a box of 100 push pins from Office Depot!
REAL FOOD IS BACK!!!! ZT Hit the Waffle House and feeling good….here we go….
#9 UCF Knights 52 South Florida Bulls 20
The War on I-4…..tells you this rivalry meant nothing prior to the development of the Interstate Highway System starting in 1956. Oh yeah, make that 1997 since it was the first year South Florida played football. HC Charlie “I hate Bevo” Strong will have the 6-3 Bulls ready to pull the upset at Raymond James Stadium. The Bulls MUST play 60 minutes to have a chance and they have “put up their surfboards” early several times this year. The Knights have a MUCH deeper heritage ( LOL as they started in 1979) but are making the best of it in recent history. Knights HC Josh Heupel plans to continue the FBS longest win streak ( currently at 23 ). UCF had a nice defensive effort last week against Cincy. ZT sees UCF winning, and big for “committee style points.” After the game, South Florida changes its Official School Fight Song to the Schlitz Malt Liquor commercial jingle.
Friday Quick Picks
West Virginia Mountaineers 55 Oklahoma Sooners 52
Hillbillies win in a Big12 Track Meet. Sooners QB Kyler Murray and Mountaineers QB Will Greer put on a Heisman Show. After the loss, Sooners HC Riley gets naked, shoots tequila, and sets his hotel room on fire trying to make cookies on a George Foreman grill. WV HC Holgorson vapes liquefied goat testicles and confesses he does this after every win.
Washington State Cougars 34 Washington Huskies 31
Cougars win in a close one at home to continue the trek toward the playoffs. Heisman hopeful Gardner “Mustache” Minshew has a solid performance. Key is the halftime speech by Pirate Leach where he discloses the entire Huskies team are actually zombies and its up to the Cougars to save the world. After the game, Leach reminds all that he and Huskies HC Peterson are buddies but he still holds a little grudge since his parents always said “Why aren’t you more like the Peterson Boy?”
ZT headed to eat some Mexican food as I don’t want to see anything with “turkey” ( including Wild Turkey ) for at least a month…..Saturday Prognostications coming later……
OK..the Enchilada and Chili Relleno have settled so time to finish.….
Michigan Wolverines 27 Ohio State Buckeyes 24
Wolverine QB Shea Patterson played ball in Hidalgo TX and says he could drown out the constant gun fire of Mexican drug cartels so a bunch of yelling, Skyline Chili eating folks from Ohio are no bother. Buckeye HC Urban Crier Meyer is spotted after the game watching the Ferris Bueller’s Day Off clip where Ferris explains how to fake sick and stay home from school.
Georgia Bulldogs 37 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets 20
Bulldogs in similar position as Bama playing the triple option Citadel last week but the Ramblin’ Wreck ain’t The Citadel. Bulldogs defensive front better be wearing shin guards and knee braces as their legs will look worse than a 1974 Ford Pinto at a Maaco Paint and Body shop by the time this one is over. In the end, Bulldogs get the win and turn their focus toward the SEC Championship. After the game, GA HC Kirby Smart goes to Sports Clips Haircuts and says ” I feel so good today, cut my hair WITHOUT the bowl!”
Florida Gators 31 FSU Seminoles 24
Mullen and the Gators get it done in Tallahassee. FSU surprised Boston College last week after 3 straight losses. Note BC was coming off a big game with Clemson and a date with Syracuse this week so ZT puts an asterisk by that one. FSU HC Taggart and ‘Noles need a win to make a bowl game for the 37th straight time. They need to go ahead and apply for Christmas jobs at Dick’s Sporting Goods because they are going nowhere. Gators win a good battle. These teams don’t like each other at all. Before the game, a reporter overheard a FSU fan tell some Gators at a tailgate ” I’m not saying I hate UF, what I am saying is that the Gators are the Monday of my life!”……the Gator responds ” there are over 1,000,000 words in the English language but none of them can explain how much I want to hit you in the face with a chair!”
LSU TIGAHS 24 Texas A & M Aggies 23
Expect the Aggies to stack the box and dare QB Joe Burrow to beat them. Tigahs have some injuries on defense but who doesn’t in week 13!! DC Dave “The Professor” Aranda should be able to contain the Aggie run game with some run blitzes and count on his DB’s to win in man-to-man coverage. Much at stake with T A&M HC Fisher poaching into Louisiana for recruits and Coach O wants to stop that in its tracks. ZT sees LSU in a late game win. After the game, Coach O is wandering around the field ( with women scattering in all directions ) saying what sounds like ” I want to consummate in her van”……His wife is summonsed and after speaking with him says ” No, he said he wanted to congratulate the 12th man…….which is actually more embarrassing!”
BAMA 38 Auburn Tigers 17
Both come off “cupcake week” with wins and lots of opportunities to heal a few players and get better with some “live practices.” Bama is better. Period. BUT, this is the nastiest rivalry in college football and that has a way of being a big equalizer. Crimson Tide ( like Georgia a few weeks ago ) has had this game circled for 364 days! Bama fans say things like ” If I knew we would win another championship, I would lose every year.” ZT can tell you that is B.S.!! Key matchup appears to be AU defensive front 7 vs. Bama O-line. Expect to see Tua have 300 yds. and some TDs since he will have a national audience and Saban would love to have another Heisman winner in his stable. Have to believe Tide just has too much talent for AU this year and with 100,000+ at Bryant-Denny Stadium it doesn’t get any easier. After the game, Gary Danielson finally understands how much he is disliked by the entire SEC when a 93-year-old grandmother wearing a Cam Newton jersey says ” Gary, the world would have been better off if your mom had just swallowed you that night!”
ZT off to the IRON BOWL……
Pigskin Prognostications by the Piedmont Padre and Zimmern's Twin 