BIG WEEK! We get to find out who’s got it and who doesn’t at the half-way point of the regular season ( are you kidding me?!?!?!). Love to see the hopes and dreams of average teams, who have found 5 wins like a blind hog finds an acorn, get CRUSHED during week 7! Team gear sales are up 20%, Mascot decals start appearing on MacBooks/Ipads, and the “We Want Bama” posters start coming out in places like Memphis, Dallas, Waco, Tempe, and Orlando………correction, scratch Orlando and substitute Winston-Salem!
ZT wants to point out some Top 25 teams that look a lot like a McRib Sandwich …”Back for a limited time only!” Expect Virginia, Texas A & M and a few others to be “off the menu” by Halloween if not before!!
New Segment for ZT this week….. Burnt Entrée of the week…… worst game on the schedule and recommended activities vs. watching it. No score provided because you are not to watch it!! Smart, emotionally-sensitive guys will tell their spouse/girlfriend “Sweetheart, I know its football Saturday but if you need to go to Target, Bed Bath & Beyond or Hobby Lobby, I would be happy to go with you,”…..for the other 99.987408% of us real fans, a better option likely exist.
Friday Night Appetizer
#20 Virginia Cavaliers 27 Miami Hurricanes 24 Upset Special
UVA HC Bronco Mendenhall built some horse stables during the off week…..Hope they are up to code noting the Hurricanes are laying in wait for this one. Cavs looking for the right replacement for their LB Snyder who went out prior to the ND game but of more concern is the O-Line who gave up 8 sacks to the Irish. Thug U has their own unknowns ( or at least “unspokens” ) with a question at QB after a swap in the Va. Tech game. It is reported HC Diaz is considering swapping back!! Hurricanes have only been a tropical depression most of this year but this is a chance to get back on course. ZT not a fan of the inconsistency at QB and going with a slight upset with UVA squeaking one out on the road!!
Colorado Buffaloes 28 #13 Oregon Ducks 41
Last real chance for the Punk-12 to make the playoffs is for the Ducks to keep changing uniforms and fly high the rest of the season. The AU loss to UF may have tarnished the resume a bit but Oregon is looking to avenge a 2016 loss to the Buffalos. QB Justin Herbert and a stingy defense allowing less than 10 points per game is what HC Mario “I do talk to my” Cristobal is counting on. CU has had a lot of injuries against the desert schools of AZ but expect most back for this short week game. Both offenses can score and the Ducks have been a bit lame the past 2 weeks. ZT smells Bison Burgers on the grill but not well done……expect it a little closer than Vegas sees it….
ZT ate some Chicken Cacciatore off a buffet line at a business conference and needs to go “handle an issue” back with Saturday Prognostications later….
Padre is down from a 5-day meditation in a bell tower and ready to ring out some W’s!
Colorado Buffalos 31 Oregon Ducks 30 Crazy Upset of the Week
Yeah, I know its crazy. But I got a hunch it is roasted Duck on Friday Night. Pac-12 is then officially finished for the playoff picture.
Saturday Sacred Selections
Bama 41 Texas A & M 20
Nick Saban is now 578-0 against former coaches. Meanwhile, the Skins and Dolphins are playing the “Tank It for Tua Bowl” on Sunday. Tua could play in one “swamp” or the other next year.
Notre Dame 30 Southern Cal 16
Notre Dame controls the game and wins the “Urban Meyer’s preferred next team and what he would settle for on the next team” Bowl
Penn State 23 Iowa 13
More points scored than the thrill-fest of Michigan/Iowa last week—-but its still Big Ten football that’s not Ohio State, so……….take some No-Doze if you plan to watch all of this one!!
Clemson 34 FSU 23
FSU keeps it closer than expected and scores late to make it look even closer. Meanwhile, I have created and am now selling “Keep Willie Taggart” hats out of my trunk after worship services on Sundays. All proceeds go to the “Keep Willie Taggart at FSU Fund.” I hope all of you will consider buying a hat for this very important college football ministry. Off to a great start in Gainesville.
Minnesota 30 Nebraska 29
Coach Hayden Fox let’s Dauber call a fake on the extra point to tie and they convert the 2-point play! The Screamin’ Eagles get the……………wait…Oh…Wrong Minnesota team. Oh, Okay, I’m now going Nebraska with the mild upset by a score of 34-31.
Wisconsin 30 Michigan State 13
Spartans are smothered in melted cheese at the House of Pain.
Georgia – A Giant Python South Carolina – John Voight after he gets squeezed in the movie Anaconda
That’s the real score. Just watch. A giant Anaconda Python and a picture of John Voight squeezed up and spit out into a big square piece of chicken nugget will be on the JumboTron Scoreboard…nothing else.
LSU 34 Florida 16
Coach O: ” Graw dhar zee dee rawdy herk”” Coach O translator: “Geaux Tigers!” In all seriousness, I want to believe, but just think the deck is stacked way too much against my Gators. But I’m proud of my team so far in 2019!!
Texas 34 Oklahoma 33 Upset Alert!
Texas wins on another late FG. Oklahoma probably still makes the playoff because their name is OKLAHOMA and not Texas Tech.
Arkansas 27 Kentucky 23
Pig Sooie! Chad Morris gets a big win against Kentucky and their 9th string QB!
Padre is off to a local river to see if John Voight has washed up on the bank yet.
ZT is back and confident he can complete the blog without further incident…..
Saturday Full Portion Prognostications
#7 Florida Gators 21 #5 LSU Tigahs 34
Gators still partying in the Swamp after popping the tires on the Gus Bus last week. Huge win for UF in the current rebuild progression. Defense performing better than a bottle of Tequila at a bachelor party. QB Trask handled a tough AU defense but will need to rebound quickly for a night game in Baton Rouge. Coach O tried to characterize his Defense as “an atomic vortex” to the ESPN Field Reporter before the game but most thought he said he usually “vomits when he has sex”…..Network immediately cut away to a TUMS commercial. ZT likes Tigah QB Joe “I have a miniature pet” Burrow to continue his winning ways but this one will be anything but easy. Battle till the 4th and the Tigahs get the W in Baton Rouge……Fireball sales in Louisiana reported highest in 5 years after this one.
#6 Oklahoma Sooners 45 #11 Texas Longhorns 42
Former Bama QB Jalen Hurts ( yes, I know I say that every week and will continue to do so until he is drafted ) noted he was not worried about the pressure of the Red River Rivalry as he had played in a few Iron Bowls and a couple of BCS Championship games……apparently making the bulletin boards in Austin with that comment. ZT notes the Longhorn Offense, led by QB Sam Ehlinger has played stiffer competition ( LSU & Okie State ) vs. OU and expects they have “learned a thing or 2 because they have seen a thing or 2.” Believe this is Round 1 of a highly probable rematch in December. Texas leads the series 62-47-5 and a loss on Saturday takes them out of the playoffs. Texas looks to slow the run game and lay it all on Jalen while the offense will target the Sooners DBs with a fleet of solid WRs. The total on this one is 75 for a reason so turn on your ESPN app if you go to the bathroom so you don’t miss a score! OU wins a very close one.
#1 Bama 38 #24 Texas A & M Aggies 28
2 schools of thought on this one….. 1) Bama continues a march through the SEC West akin to Sherman marching through Atlanta. 2) This is prime time for HC Jimbo Fisher and the Aggies to prove they are the best 2-loss team in America with an upset at Kyle Field. We will definitely find out if the Bama Offense is really prolific noting the best defense they have played in 2019 is Duke!. ZT sees Bama winning this one but will be closer than most think. Gary Danielson never makes it to announcing booth. He was walking around the Tailgates in College Station when sees a huge grill with cooking trophies around it and a bunch of Aggies using the “mop” to baste their ribs. Being from Detroit, Gary has never seen this and asks what they are doing. They reply ” We are basting the ribs you dork!” Gary then says ” by the looks of the trophies you must have won a lot of awards so I guess you guys are definitely Master Basters!!” He is expected to be released from the hospital by Wednesday.
#10 Penn State 23 #17 Iowa Hawkeyes 24 Upset Special
Big10 battle……..Nittany Lions getting about the same respect as Milli Vanilli during a Grammy vote but that may be for a reason. Iowa couldn’t get into the endzone last week against Michigan but like them at home with motivation to prove what they can do besides grow corn. If Iowa doesn’t win, add them to the ” McRib List”
ZT Quick Snack Picks
USC Trojans 12 #9 ND Fighting Irish 42
Catholics frown on contraception so expect the Trojans to be tossed in a South Bend 7-11 Dumpster as soon as Touchdown Jesus allows the 3rd Irish score…..
South Carolina Gamecocks 14 #3 Georgia Bulldogs 42
These 2 simply don’t like each other……..GA fans STILL talking about stuff than happened when David Pollack played in the early 2000’s!! Hulk Muschamp has not beaten Georgia since he arrived at SC and Bulldogs have won 51 of last 71 meetings…..make it 72 before Saturday is over….. Uga the Bulldog is seen eating a chicken nugget before the game and SC mascot Cocky attempts to stop him……..6 minutes later Cocky becomes a 2-piece snack.
#25 Cincinnati Bearcats 28 Houston Cougars 24
Bearcats took out UCF last week and have been partying like its 1918!! ( their last undefeated season when they were 3-0-2 ). They need to pay attention to the Cougars who had a tough start and parked a few guys in a redshirt coup. BUT, they did beat the “not so” Mean Green of N. TX with a new QB Clayton “I can dance but can’t carry a” Tune. Key question is can the Cougars throw effectively enough to keep the Cincy Defense honest? ZT says Houston will be “off-key” and Bearcats roll to another win.
Michigan State Spartans 17 #8 Wisconsin Badgers 27
Wiscy RB/Heisman Hopeful Jonathan Taylor vs. a group of angry Spartans who gave up over 300 yds. on the ground to the Buckeyes last week. Badger QB Jack “Ice Cream” Coan must make some passes and toss a few long balls to keep Sparty from stacking the box……MSU could find some weakness in the Badger Secondary but ZT believes the Spartans will be constipated through Monday by being force-fed too much Wisconsin Cheese…….
FSU Seminoles 17 #2 Clemson Tigers 42
Noles in recovery while Clemson is trying to figure out what ails the reigning National Champs. No one gives FSU a chance ( and neither does ZT for a W ) but as long as they forget the beating from last year ( Hear Taggart will show them Rocky 3 on Friday Night), avoid the turnovers/penalties, and be physical, they can keep it closer than predicted by Vegas. Dabo will try to motivate his orange disciples to get out of their funk and reminds them ” We are the rednecks who moved into that gated BCS community…..and we ain’t moving out this year!”
Texas Tech Red Raiders 27 #22 Baylor Bears 34
TT QB Jett Duffey ( perfect name for a guy that WWE stars could beat up each week ) led the Red Raiders to a W over the Okie State Cowpokes last week by throwing for over 400 yards and 4 TDs as a replacement for injured QB Bowman. Will they go “Guns Up” or holster their pistols this week? Bears are 5-0 with their most dominating wins over the “Million Dollar Babies” (about what you have to pay these kind of teams in 2019 ) of Stephen F Austin Lumberjacks and the UT San Antonio Roadrunners…”Beep, Beep!” Baylor DID find ways to beat Iowa State and K. State. QB Charlie “Keurig” Brewer, RB John “You Like It, We” Lovett and a stingy defense propel the Bears to 6-0.
ZT’s Burnt Entree
UMASS Minutemen ( because that is typically how long they are in a game ) vs. La Tech Bulldogs to be broadcast on ESPN 269, History Channel and Syrian Public Radio. ZT recommends you buy a gallon of that colonoscopy prep liquid, take a 2006 National Geographic featuring a pictorial of Baboons picking ticks off each other, and go to a Greyhound Bus Station restroom for 4 hours……much more entertaining than this one!!
ZT planning to knock back some Oysters this weekend…..to include Raw, Baked, Cajun style……Nothing basted though….
Pigskin Prognostications by the Piedmont Padre and Zimmern's Twin 