Here we are!! Finished with Round 1 & 2 of Turkey and now on to Turkey Sandwiches through Sunday! Anything nice said on a text, tweet or old-fashion phone call on Thursday is OUT THE DOOR with Rivalry Weekend here!!!
ZT did not have to resort to the auto jump start device to revive him from his food coma but it was close!! The tables of culinary delights spanned 2 rooms with the “overflow” going down a hallway. Actually pretty sweet as nothing like grabbing a piece of turkey and some grape salad as you enter the powder room for relief!!
As noted, due to the massive intake of food ( including some plastic when working to unwrap a few items went awry ) and in honor of heavy snacking for the next 3 days, all prognostications will be of the ZT Quick Snack Selection style and here we go…
Friday Quick Snack Selections
#24 Va. Tech Hokies 27 Virginia Cavaliers 21
This game is one that may keep UF Gators out of a NY6 bowl….both are 8-3 and 5-2 in the ACC Coastal division. Winner gets Clemson in Charlotte next week. Hokies have rallied after a tough September to win 6 of last 7 and had ND on the ropes! Cavaliers signature loss was to Thug U! That’s enough for ZT to take the Hokies over some blue bloods who may be tired from a Thanksgiving Day fox hunt and take the Commonwealth Cup back to Blacksburg…….not sure what they will do with a 4 foot marble cup thing although UVA grad would tie a polo horse to it….
#18 Cincinnati Bearcats 28 #17 Memphis Tigers 34
This should be the AAC Championship and will actually be a precursor to next weeks actual championship if Memphis takes this one. Sad the Liberty Bowl ticket sales are slow even with the AD offering a Velvet Elvis for every fan! Tigers break out of their slow start slump and win this one. Their reward? Play it all over again next week! ZT’s favorite player in this one? Memphis Senior TE Joey Magnifico, who will be joining the circus in January as a Sword Swallower…..
Washington State Cougars 31 Washington Huskies 34
Will WSU HC Pirate Mike end up in Arkansas? Would surely spice up the SEC for a few years! ZT recommends he take the job before getting his butt whipped…all over an Apple Cup in Seattle. Hog fans just won’t understand that even though Pigs seem to like apples from the photos ZT sees. Huskies have lost 3 of the last 4 while WSU is on a 2-game win streak averaging over 50 PPG…..doesn’t matter as ZT sees a “HUSKY” victory ( in honor of the bigger pants he is buying on Cyber Monday )…..
#25 Appy State Mountaineers 48 Troy Trojans 24
Love the Trojans but afraid the Mountaineers are just going to beat them like a rented pack mule on the last day of a hike…..
Saturday Quick Snack Selections
#4 Georgia Bulldogs 42 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets 17
Kirby and the Bulldogs just need to take care of business and not disrupt the yellow jacket nest. Not much in it anyway. G.Tech can blame PETA for what happens next. After the game, UGA X pees on the Ramblin’ Wreck, humps the leg of the PETA President, kills her cat at midfield and then heads to his heated dog house and calls up 3 poodles to come “party all night long”……so much for UGA X being treated so poorly…..
UGA X: “Bite Me PETA!”
# 1 THE Ohio State Buckeyes 31 #13 Michigan Wolverines 24
THE game of the week……… just because OSU is 14-1 vs. UM since 2004 means as much as watching a roulette wheel 15 times and using that data to predict the next spin ( Vegas loves you to do that almost as much as they simply love you to play roulette! ). Last Michigan win was in 2011 when OSU QB was suspended for trading memorabilia for tattoos ( does he get eligibility back with the latest NCAA ruling?? transfer portal?? ) Buckeyes will beat “that team up North” but a little tighter than the pundits and buckeye faithful think….
#3 Clemson Tigers 42 South Carolina Gamecocks 17
SC HC Muschamp was outed this week by the Padre and other UF faithful who reminded the world he would NOT offer potential NFL MVP Lamar Jackson a scholarship spot as a QB and tried to recruit Heisman winner Derrick Henry to play Linebacker……Dabo is spotted eating an entire broiled chicken from Sam’s Club on the sideline in the 3rd Quarter as taunt to the Gamecocks…….
#12 Wisconsin Badgers 31 #8 Minnesota Golden Gophers 20
Too much cheese for Minny HC PJ “I got me new contract and don’t give a” Fleck to row the boat to a win and play OSU in INDY next week. Expect Wiscy RB Jonathan Taylor to use the Paul Bunyan Axe to do what Carl Spackler ( aka Caddyshack’s assistant greens keeper played by Bill Murray ) could not do and that is kill the Gophers……
Texas A&M Aggies 24 #2 LSU TIGAHS 45
One might feel bad for TA&M HC Jimbo Fisher noting he has played one of the toughest schedules in the country and is rewarded by finishing in Baton Rouge……then we see what he gets paid and we have about the same compassion for him as we had for Baghdadi in the tunnel a few months ago………Coach O gives his thoughts on going back for “2nds” at Thanksgiving………
#5 Bama 28 #15 Auburn 27
2 Keys in this one: A) On the low end, will it be the inconsistent Auburn Offense or the somewhat porous Bama Defense that prevails? B) On the high end, will it be the Tua-less but solid Bama Offense or the stingy and better tested Auburn Defense that wins? This will be close either way and the Iron Bowl likely ends due to a good or bad bounce off some hard metal post late in the game…..
#7 Oklahoma Sooners 41 #21 Oklahoma State Cowboys 38
OU ( aka the comeback kids ) led by former Bama QB Jalen Hurts ( and if you didn’t know this by now, you really thought this was a food blog ) will score plenty of points and hope Trump builds a wall on their goal line late in 4th to preserve a win over the Cowboys in Bedlam 2019!
Florida State Seminoles 18 #11 Florida Gators 35
Gators are NOT happy about being ranked so low in the CFP and will take their frustrations out on some Seminoles who are still not happy about some Thanksgiving promises made a few hundred years ago……..Former FSU HC Willie Taggart has already been fired from his Okefenokee Swamp Airboat Captain job when all the gators entered the National Park transfer portal to move to the Everglades…….
Oregon State Beavers 28 #14 Oregon Ducks 41
Ducks’ feathers are still singed from the blast of the Sun Devils last week. They still make the Punk-12 Championship but with no shot at the CFP unless the Chinese invade as part of the 2019 Civil War in Eugene. Oregon State’s last 2 decided by 1 point each…..this one won’t be that close and no fun to finish the Thanksgiving weekend with a depressed beaver…
Colorado Buffaloes 17 # 6 Utah Utes 42
Buffaloes want to do to the Utes and their CFP chances the same as Brian Griese did to that pumpkin on Thursday night behind his house ( allegedly the neighbors have filed complaints ). While the Ute Indians and Buffalo used to roam and live well together, not true in 2019. Utah will hold its pre-game meal at Ted’s Montana Grill and continue to chew on Buffalo all evening long…….
Burnt Entrée
Rutgers Scarlet Knights @ Penn State Nittany Lions
One is NOW irrelevant and the other was NEVER relevant!! Do NOT waste your time with so many things one can do on Thanksgiving Weekend, lets look at some options:
Go to the airport and every time there is an announcement, grab your head and yell ” The Meds aren’t working!!!! I am still hearing voices!!!!”
Watch a replay of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade while drinking infused Vodka drinks…take a shot every time something inflatable comes on the screen until you have had so much you order an inflatable on Amazon….
Call the Butterball Turkey Hot Line, give them Gary Danielson’s address and phone number and advise you have witnessed him touching that 22 pound bird’s giblets..
Invite your wife/girlfriend to the mall and consider the following ( any of which will keep you entertained and prevent you from legally being able to ever go again) :
1) Dress like the Cookie Monster and loiter at the Famous Amos cookie store…
2) Ask every associate at Wal-Mart where you can purchase a vest just like theirs..
3) Hang out in a restroom stall and when someone enters yell out ” I don’t remember eating corn!!!!”
4) Carry a PEZ dispenser and offer strangers some candy…..
5) Go to a Duluth Trading Co. or Carhartt Store and advise you are there to re-dress all the mannequins….
6) Go to a Dollar General and ask about their lay-a-way plan..
7) Go to Home Depot or Lowes and ask what aisle the “Heavy Duty” Lingerie is on..
8) Watch a 5-minute YouTube and then practice becoming a Mime out front….
ZT is out and unless we experience some unbelievable Chaos, don’t expect any Burnt Entrees on Championship Weekend….but who knows???? Back to the Turkey Sandwich and an ice-cold Michelob Amberbock……….
Padre Update: Currently locked in a lighthouse off the Carolina Coast and watching film of UF under Spurrier and (at 10-minute intervals) has a loop of every kick FSU missed under Bowden. No one is sure when he will come out but the authorities have been alerted it should be around game time on Saturday……
Saturday 11:01 AM: Padre stuck his head out of the single window of the NC lighthouse and yelled “ I have seen the light!!!”……here are his prognostications:
Gators 27 Criminoles 20
Bama 23 Auburn 20
Ohio State 30. Michigan 20
BOAT ROWERS 24 CHEESE EATERS 20
Clemson 247,458 SC feat/Chumpchamp 6
Georgia 41 Ga Tech 10 PETA – 1
LSU Tigahs 38 Texas A & M feat/former Criminole Jimbo Fisher 17
Okie State 38 Oklahoma 37 – Upset Special!!
Padre closes the window, checks the fuel, trims the candle wicks, cleans the lens and chugs a Gatorade in preparation for a particular contest in Gainesville……….
Pigskin Prognostications by the Piedmont Padre and Zimmern's Twin 