SO many Bowls and so much TV money…….Well, if they are gonna play them, we might as well prognosticate. ZT has been in a heavy business travel mode and the Padre obviously has some serious preparations for Christmas ( and possible self-flagellation with old UF recruit signing documents from the Spurrier days to boost Mullen’s class of 2020 ). Felt it was appropriate to provide minimal coverage of the first wave of bowls ( because these are minimal bowls!! ) which will take us through 12/26. Look for daily activity to replace watching most of these….
December 20 Bowl Games –> make a Wreath out of Bud Light Platinum Bottle Caps & go find some Holiday-themed bathroom accessories ( nothing says Christmas like sitting on “the throne” and Santa’s Face at the same time ) ……
Makers Wanted Bahamas Bowl – Nassau
Buffalo Bulls 38 Charlotte 49ers 27
Best part of this one is the post-bowl video of players drinking a “shark feeder” cocktail, doing a shot of Anejo Rum and then forcing the losing team’s kicker to do a naked keg stand….
Tropical Smoothie Frisco Bowl – Frisco, TX
Kent State Golden Flashes 37 Utah State Aggies 35
Utah State team a bit distracted after realizing this game was in Texas and not San Fran. Sent their #2 & #3 girlfriends/wives back home. Hard to watch this one with A Christmas Story on TBS and another touching Christmas flick, Die Hard, on the POP Network….
December 21 Bowl Games –> make a thoughtful popcorn garland for your Mother-In-Law ( you know they love the personal touch ) but use pork rinds instead..
Celebration Bowl – Atlanta, GA
Alcorn State Braves 24 North Carolina A & T Aggies 28
The only celebration will be when this one is over and off the air. Each conference will ask for their $1million dollar payout via Venmo……. Go listen to Mannheim Steamroller sing their version of the Sugar Hill Gang’s Wrappers Delight and shoot some tequila..
New Mexico Bowl – Albuquerque, NM
Central Michigan Chippewas 24 San Diego State Aztecs 23
No sponsor in this one as the original sponsor, Dreamhouse Productions, turned out to be a fraudulent company……should let them sponsor anyway as it may be considered a crime to watch this one….
FBC Mortgage Cure Bowl – Orlando, FL
Liberty Flames 24 Georgia Southern Eagles 34
ZT saying NOTHING bad about this one, especially before Christmas as he doesn’t want to end up on the “Double Secret Probation ” naughty list. GREAT idea for Breast Cancer Research Foundation support and awareness!! ZT once rode in a golf cart with the original Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter, at a Breast Cancer fund raiser. She threw her lasso of truth around me and I told her I loved her breasts too!!!! Georgia Southern will run through Liberty like S$%# through a tin horn…..
Cheribundi Boca Raton Bowl – Boca Raton, FL
SMU Mustangs 38 Florida Atlantic Owls 31
Kiffin is gone from FAU and on to Ole Miss to kiss co-eds and buy a burner phone…. Mustangs, with their 31 portal players, arrive to get a W and an 11-win season for only the 2nd time in school history. After the game, the players are found drunk, but with record high anti-oxidant levels after shooting Cheribundi Tart Cherry Juice & Tito’s at the post game party. Party abruptly ends after the 2 kickers tie cherry stem knots with their tongues then try to trade them….
Raycom Camellia Bowl – Montgomery, AL
Arkansas State Red Wolves 28 Florida International Panthers 34
Didn’t know Raycom was still a network ( although a great place to hide Gary Danielson and Brian Griese ) and promise you unless a girl named Camellia shows up at halftime, you won’t see one of those flowers either. FIU HC Butch Davis and the Panthers did beat his old Thug U team in November and will slide past these hybrid canines. After the game, they will do nothing because there is nothing to do but go home…..
Mitsubishi Motors Las Vegas Bowl – Las Vegas, NV
# 19 Boise State Broncos 24 Washington Huskies 23
Ok….a pretty solid game. Note this bowl upgrades in 2020 as it will be played in the new Raiders Stadium. Going with Boise as no players sit this one out while several Huskies are moving on to the draft. NOTE: ZT does NOT fault any player not in the CFP for making that career decision….as long as you send your Alma Mater a nice check!!!
R & L Carriers New Orleans Bowl – NOLA
#20 Appy State Mountaineers 38 UAB Blazers 14
Blazers should just head down to Bourbon Street, find Cowboy Mike @ Cat’s Meow and some Jell-O Shots as the Mountaineers will put out the Blazers’ flame early in this one!
December 23 – since they are now on sale, go buy extra lights and an inflatable Santa. Set them up in the yard as below so the neighbors can see you are really in the Christmas spirit……..
Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl – Tampa, FL
Marshall Thundering Herd 21 UCF Knights ( 2018 Orlando Sentinel National Champs ) 41
This may be a worse beating than the NOLA Bowl…..UCF travels down I-4 to make the Thundering Herd look more like a group of Shetland Ponies. Trying to find out what a Gasparilla is…….thought it was something that “My Pillow” guy from Wisconsin sells you to sleep on if you have a lot of gas and don’t want to wake your wife up…..found out I was wrong! It is a festival about a mythical pirate…..How come Leach and WSU ain’t here!
December 24 – buy 6 ornaments, get naked with your wife/girlfriend or both, and try to hang all of them……( note from experience: sharp hooks are NOT good!! )
SoFi Hawaii Bowl – Honolulu, HI
BYU Cougars 27 Hawaii Rainbow Warriors 25
The annual “trip over the Pacific” for a team who didn’t perform up to expectations but looks to make the alums happy with a visit to HI. That team typically gets thumped by the Pineapple Kings who have only hosted this event 2 times since 2010!! SoFi provides student loan financing so not sure why they sponsor a bowl on an island where no student ( other than some of those SAT cheater kids ) could afford to live, particularly while paying off a student loan…….. GO RAINBOWS!!!!
December 25 – No games so just enjoy time with your special loved one…..
Merry Christmas from ZT!!!
December 26 – Go to the mall and UPS to take back all the crap your family gave you…
Walk-Ons Bistreaux Independence Bowl – Shreveport, LA
La. Tech Bulldogs 21 Miami Thug-U Hurricanes 31
ZT has been to the Independence Bowl when it had a cool sponsor, The Poulan WeedEater Bowl. It was a very good time and actually met Bama FRESHMAN QB Greg McElroy there. La Tech is 9-3 and has a pretty solid passing game but needs its run game to make their Air Attack work. Issue at hand? Miami, even at 6-6 actually cares and wants to finish with a winning season! Hurricane defense will have the bulldogs looking for a safe place to hide before this one is over. Add the Bulldogs missing 2nd team All-American CB Amik ” I too love Mrs.” Robinson , has declared for the draft and all points to a W for Thug-U!!
Ford Motor Company Quick Lane Bowl – Detroit, MI
Eastern Michigan Eagles 13 Pittsburgh Panthers 34
Quick Lane is a place to get your oil changed……Never seen a Panther check an Eagle’s oil but looks like this is the day! Neither of these teams has much of a recent bowl record but hey, with 40+ bowls, what do you expect!!! Pitt doesn’t run well and the Eagles don’t stop it well ( gave up over 200+ YPG in 4 of last 5 games ). Pitt has a decent defense. Don’t watch this game. Either go to Quick Lube and get the oil changed in your car, your wife’s car, and your kids’ cars or if not, go let an amateur MMA/UCF fighter choke you out on your living room floor. Either is better than watching this one!!!
ZT is headed to Walgreen’s to get some “supplies” after attending a Christmas Party where he ate some great brisket, a stuffed jalapeno, 73 pieces of some very spicy deer sausage & some red wine. Party was great….convinced my wife and all her friends to a Candy Cane licking contest ( which is why I had time to eat so much deer sausage )………. Back after Christmas for Wave 2 with REAL MEN’s bowl game prognostications!!!
Pigskin Prognostications by the Piedmont Padre and Zimmern's Twin 