President Trump kicks Covid in 5 days!?! VP has a fly the size of the original Lunar Module land on his head, SEC looks like the Mountain West on Defense and a few ” Stud ” teams are now Geldings….Even the Astros are still in the hunt WITHOUT stealing signs! And just when you thought 2020 couldn’t get weirder, Covid takes out 2 SEC contests this week but has also led the CDC to investigate a connection between bad hair dye & Covid noting Trump, Saban and 74 people at “Just for Men” Hair Color, Inc. tested positive this week!!! Good news, although ZT has none, he is a HUGE proponent of Hair Immunity!!!!
Good news! ZT now convinced all those health nuts & doctors that said processed sugar, energy drinks, Frosted Flakes, fried Twinkies, the chocolate fountain at Golden Corral, Jello Shots, and anything on the Taco Bell menu were bad for you are JUST WRONG. ZT doesn’t feel any worse today than he did before Covid and his prognostications are no worse either so let’s get to it…
LSU Tigahs @ #10 Florida Gators
Note LSU is 1st defending champ to fall out of the Top 25 since Auburn achieved this in 2011. Coach O will be in Dulac, LA to judge a 1st grade Spelling Bee at Dulac School of Mudbug Boiling and Fine Arts. Set to shoot at some bayou gators with a tall bourbon and a .22 rifle later in the evening. Meanwhile, congratulations to UF Coach Mullen who is now on the Trump Rally Committee after calling for 90,000 to pack the swamp this weekend before 30% of the team got Covid….
#3 Georgia Bulldogs @ #2 BAMA
Sark the Shark is large & in charge this week ( or is he??? ) ! It is obvious Nick has had Covid for some time with the defense giving up 42+ points in 3 of their last 8 games!! Before Covid? only 3 times in previous 65 games! Talking to Bulldog HC Kirby Smart said this week ” No one told me the SEC doesn’t play defense anymore!!” His Dawgs are 1st against the run and 2nd in total defense. On offense, QB S.B.IV just makes throws, doesn’t turn it over and simply gets the job done. He should have an easy time against the “Burnt Toast Brigade of Bama” who are allowing over 300 passing yards per game and really believe the best way to avoid Covid is to stay 6-10 yards away from a receiver and then run him down. Well, on the other side, Bama Offense is #1 in scoring and 3rd in total yards ( thank goodness as we know we don’t need any game coming down to a FG!). Bama QB Mac Jones will have to spread it around, use RBs Harris & Robinson and NO TURNOVERS!!! This one should live up to the hype experts predict. Tight one to the end and ZT calling Bama by, YES..A Game Winning Field Goal in the Year of Covid! Bama 31 Dawgs 30
After the game, Gary Danielson is arrested for showing off his latest tattoo in front of 30 kids at a Chuck E. Cheese in Tuscaloosa and saying ” Don’t you like fries with your nuggets?”
#15 Auburn Tigers @ South Carolina Gamecocks
Gus Bus had some heavy smoke from under the hood before K Anders Carlson recovered from a game winning miss and hit one after a “quick whistle” negated a fumble that could have iced it for the Wild Bacon Boys.. SC has lost 8 straight to Auburn and finally got its 1st W last week vs. Vandy ( yep, you still get credit for a W even if Vandy ). AU offense looks like it has been hit by a bus as it is only ranked ahead of….yes, Vandy. Gamecock D is currently 3rd in the SEC and 18th nationally. Scary that SEC defenses have taken social distancing to that extreme!! SC Offense has another WR ace in “I’m not that” Shi Smith and he will have opportunities against a shaky Tiger Defense. Both of these teams needed a UMASS or New Mexico State in a bad way to work out the kinks but not happening in 2020. Just a gut feeling, and ZT has a nice sized one, but think the Gus Bus slings a rod and HC Muschamp & the Gamecocks pick up an upset win at home. Gamecocks 27 Tigers 21 Upset Special
Kentucky Wildcats @ #18 Tennessee Volunteers
Whoa!!! Wildcats shut down the Leach Air Raid with 6 INTs!!! Honestly, KY defense has been one of the better in the league and their offensive ground attack averages over 200 yds. per game. QB “Mr.” Wilson ( Outlaw Josey Wells reference for you youngsters ) is a runner with 221 rushing yds. and 3 TD’s ( ZT note, 2/3 of the KY rushing yardage came against the Ole Miss Landsharks and an 88-year old, chain-smoking grandmother could get 100 yds. on them! ). Ok, you likely noticed not much in the air by the Wildcats. While this mindset will help you win the time of possession battle, can it win in the “new” SEC on the scoreboard?? Vols D should be able to handle the Wildcats even though they were not ready for Georgia last week. Too many turnovers but expect Vols back to form this week. Vols will be tested by a VERY confident Wildcat D but UT is diverse and ZT expects a close one in Knoxville to make it 18 straight at home for the Vols vs. KY. Volunteers 24 Wildcats 20
#11 Texas A & M Aggies @ Mississippi State Bulldogs
Aggies took advantage of the Gators porous defense and pulled out a win at Kyle Field ( where we saw the 1st through 10th Man hugging the 11th man who was arm-locked with the 12th man in the stands….No social distancing at that one! ). HC Jimbo Fisher now travels to Starkville where Pirate Mike is still trying to refuel the Air Raid Airships. This could/should be a high scoring affair. Don’t be alarmed by the 2 points MSU scored last week as much as only scoring 14 the prior week vs. Arkansas ( all this reminds me how bad the TIGAHS may really be this year! ). Note Bulldog QB CJ “I now look more like Abbott & ” Costello has thrown 7 picks in the last 2 games. What’s worse is he got pulled after 4 INTs last week and backup QB Will Rogers ( named after the man that said “I never met a man I didn’t like” but MSU fans now disagree! ) threw 2 more!! A&M found a way to use RB Spiller along with QB Kelln ” You da” Mond last week and expect more this week. Aggies 34 Bulldogs 30
Vandy @ Missouri Tigers
Ok……one of ZT’s buddies asked “why aren’t you showing Vandy any love??” Well, based on the way they are playing, ZT’s afraid they would send me flowers and ask me to go camping…. Just not good this year. Actually Googled Vandy Football and had to scroll past some high schools to get to the Commodores. Best thing that could happen to Vandy this week did…….POSTPONED due to Covid. Note the SEC requires a team to have 53 scholarship players available to avoid a cancellation and they couldn’t get there. Also, big chemistry and poly-sci tests this week so worked out for the best….. Mizzou will party like its 2013 ( when they were 12-2 & #5 AP ranking under Gary “don’t look at my” Pinkel ) as they get an extra week to prepare for the Gators, which also may be postponed!
#7 Oklahoma State Cowboys @ Baylor Bears
OK State on a roll and actually tried to find a last-minute replacement game after Baylor had to Covid-cancel. Why? Because this means Cowboys have a 21-day gap between games. No luck and HC Gundy will take 5 freshmen, go to Norman in the middle of the night, and loosen the lug nuts on the Boomer Schooner………
#5 UNC Tarheels @ FSU Seminoles
Mack Brown is 3-0 and toting a #5 national ranking into Doak-Campbell Stadium looking to go 4-0 for the 1st time in 23 years!! Tallahassee is a good place to accomplish this. The Tallahassee Football Team is 1-3 and a loss would give them their worst start in 45 years!! ( HC that year was Darrell ” I tried to French kiss your ” Mudra ). Guess who was HC the next year? Yep, Bobby Bowden. HC Norvel is a good guy but needs some time to get more horses back in the FSU stable. Should be a pretty simple game…..When UNC has the ball, they will score. When TFT ( aka FSU ) has the ball, they MAY score. Tar Heels 48 Indigenous People of Tallahassee 24
Meanwhile…….what are guys in the Punk-12 doing this weekend????
ZT is going back to put the finishing touches on his Turnover Chain……
Padre is on a mission to China. Not to evangelize but to get a vial of “Covid Potion #9” so he can get his Gators BACK ON THE FIELD!!!!!
UPDATE!!!! Padre has sent a message via a Wuhan Bat and here we go…
COVID – 19 Florida Gators 0
Well, 2 Gator games delayed because of the ‘rona! To and from A & M, who knows where they caught it?!? One thing is for sure: They didn’t catch it from the A&M Wide Receivers!! There was at least 6 feet of separation ALL GAME! So people need to back off Mullen and his comments. We, at Florida, believe in safety so much we don’t cover offenses. In 2000, George W Bush ran for POTUS with a tagline of “Compassionate Conservatism.” Well, Florida practices “Compassionate Defense.” We respect your space and your right to football. Our “mask” is not covering you.
Minor Upset of the Week
South Carolina 24 Auburn 20
The “Gus Bus” falls short against the “Coach Boom Buggy.” And the calls for Malzahn’s head begins! Will he save it with a big win, again, later in the year?? Or will this be the end after 2,347,567 “almost” endings??
Tennessee 27 Kentucky 16
Rocky Top is jut too much for the basketball school. And that’s all I have to say about that.
Alabama 30 Georgia 27
COVID vs. Saban? We know who wins that battle. COVID has no chance again Nicky’s diet of Little Debbie Oatmeal Pies and Red Man Chewing Tobacco. In all seriousness, I struggled with this pick. But whether Saban coached or not, I somehow think Bama wins the game at home. If it were played at a neutral site, I would pick Georgia right now. Gosh, I hate Georgia. And that leads into this….
Mr. Dawg Friend Clint: “Brutal Honesty” Padre: “Hurts”
In asking my Georgia friend about the Bama game, he said, “I really don’t know……I don’t want to feel confident but I think we have a chance…..but it really feels like we haven’t won a big game since Oklahoma.” OUCH. I know 2 Dan Mullen Gator teams who have played Georgia in that time span. Ouch. Ouch. Brutal. Hurts. So, “Roll Tide!! –You dirty, homeless hope you end up at the pound and nobody saves you, smelly dog!!”
Padre back to taking blood samples from dead animals at the Wuhan market….
Pigskin Prognostications by the Piedmont Padre and Zimmern's Twin 