Good time for the Boys of the Rust Belt to start playing ball!! Still wondering if that other conference will REALLY show up to the party??
Some shockers last week with UNC falling to FSU, Bama shutting out the Bulldogs in the 2nd half (likely a rematch in December), Kentucky CRUSHING the Vols, Coastal Carolina ranked in Top 25 and Clemson hanging 73 on the Ramblin Wreck……speaking of wrecks, glad the debates are done so lets all go vote and move on. Padre is currently in Brazil trying to convince the indigenous tribe, the Satere-Mawe, that watching the Florida Gator defense is more painful than their religious practice of wearing Ant-filled gloves for 10 minutes to prove manhood has been achieved. ZT notes the National Peanut Festival ( which began in 1938 with Dr. George Washington Carver as the guest speaker ) is cancelled due to Covid concerns but found the famous Corn Dog Man truck and about to go pound a few as soon as the prognostications are complete. Due to added BIG 10 games and drooling like one of Pavlov’s Dogs over the corn dogs, prognostications are short and to a ( not likely “the” ) point this week….
#2 Bama @ Tennessee Volunteers
Vols got DESTROYED by Kentucky. Even Smokey lost his food bowl. Tide looked like it found it’s sea legs in the 2nd half of the Georgia game……PERFECT TRAP GAME for BAMA…..but remember, “No Fruit Sucks like the Big Orange”!!. Bama 42 Vols 27
Auburn Tigers @ Ole Miss Landsharks
Gus Bus has a broken timing chain. Kiffin’s Offense CAN be prolific at times but the Landsharks’ defense looks more like beached whales this season. They are currently ranked lower than the alcohol content in an O’Doul’s beer….dead last in nation to be exact! Late news is Covid taking out a few on the Ole Miss Defense. Take the OVER and enjoy some offense…. Tigers 44 Landsharks 38
South Carolina Gamecocks @ LSU TIGAHS
Tigahs appear to still be nursing a hangover from winning the National Championship 9 months ago……they have had a week to fix some issues but likely just ate crawfish, did shots of Jager, and funneled a Hurricane. Thank goodness the game is in Baton Rouge!! That damn Cock Crowing at Willams-Brice stadium is almost as bad as Gary Danielson singing “Having My Baby” by Paul Anka in front of a Fertility Clinic and offering 50% off if you are willing to “get in the back of his van”…almost!…. Tigahs 28 Screaming Cocks 24
(Editor’s note: CNN’s Jeffrey Toobin was seen rolling up a 55-gallon drum to the clinic and when asked what he was doing he stated: “Making my weekly deposit”…………….ok, so we have no editor but just thought it made this blog look more professional. )
#23 NC State Wolfpack @ #14 UNC Tar Heels
Mack Brown forgot to show up in Tallahassee till the 2nd half but it was too little, too late. Tar Heels still a good team and this ain’t his first rebound game. These schools do not like each other. So much so that they even try to act like they are NOT rivals, which makes it a rivalry! Add that the winner likely makes the ACC Title so more on the line. Mack is back but in a close one!! Tar Heels 34 Wolfpack 31
#17 Iowa State Cyclones @ #6 Oklahoma State Cowboys
Cowboys been off for several weeks ( never good to give a cowboy spare time as you know what happened in Brokeback Mountain …disclaimer, ZT NEVER saw that movie!) after beating up on some garbage pail teams. Time off did give QB Sanders a chance to heal and they do have RB Chuba “old mutha” Hubbard to help the OSU cause. Cyclones are tough, even with a QB named Purdy ( recall Brokeback Mountain?? ) and have won 3 straight. The only blowing in Stillwater this week will be an F2 from Ames and they get the upset!!! Cyclones 35 Cowboys 31
Michigan Wolverines @ Minnesota
ZT refuses to list rankings in late October when one has NOT PLAYED A FREAKIN GAME YET! Late in the fashion season for one to be wearing khakis ( other than Jake from State Farm of course ) but if you are going to Minnesota does it really matter what you wear? Neither of these teams will look overly sharp but Harbaugh still gets to fill the Little Brown Jug with Stiffy’s Vodka. He has 14 of these and just After Midnight ( ZT with an Eric Clapton reference! ) the inevitable happens…….(pic below) Wolverines 27 Gophers 24
#9 Cincinnati Bearcats @ #16 SMU Mustangs
First time the undefeated Bearcats have left the land of Skyline Chili. Cincy QB Desmond “after she bucked me I got back on and” Ridder may be a bit rusty after 2 weeks of no play but we will know soon enough. Mustangs have a solid offense and are 5-0. Expect some explosive plays by the WRs including Rashee “chicken-fried” Rice. Mustangs 28 Bearcats 27
Nebraska Cornhuskers @ The Ohio State University
Remember when the Cornhuskers were the “Big, Red Thrashing Machine”??? It’s ok, neither do most others unless you take a 50% off brain supplement like ZT. Word is Zeke Elliot may show up at this one but Ohio Governor has called out the National Guard under the “contagious disease” clause to prevent it. OSU QB Justin ” I WILL plow their” Fields puts on a show as the Buckeyes look to win by 40+ over Nebraska as they have in 3 of their last 4 meetings. Buckeyes 42 Corn Cobs 21
Syracuse Orangemen @ #1 Clemson Tigers
Honestly, stupid name by Syracuse. Always thought the Orangeman was the Teletubby that got fired for hiding a camera in the bathroom at a Red Lobster in Cayuga. They did beat the Ramblin’ Wreck of Georgia Tech, as did Clemson ( note the Wreck is still awaiting a tow back to campus from that one ) but not much else. If Fred Flintstone is at this one, expect to hear ” Yabba Dabo Do!!” all day long!! Tigers 56 Banned Teletubby 13
#3 Notre Dame Fighting Irish @ Pittsburg Panthers
Bible doesn’t mention panthers……yes on lions, wolves, leopards but NO panthers! Means they are not relevant and won’t become relevant this week either! Irish Offense is good but this should be their best test to date and its on the road ( just not the one to Damascus so no lightning expected ) Pope 31 The Non-Biblical Animals 21
ZT out as got momma holding 2nd round of best corn dogs on the planet!!!!...
UPDATE: Padre found WiFi connection while awaiting to eat a Maria-mole at a Sao Paulo Coffee house….
Iowa State 16 Oklahoma State 23
The Mullet takes down the pride of Skunk River. Seriously, I’m not making up that last part! The Iowa State campus is ON the banks of the Skunk River and that’s no joke.
Nebraska 16 Ohio State 41
Scott Frost and Nebraska wanted to play this season — even if for another conference. For their protesting, Big 10 “randomly” gave them Ohio State as their opener. Welcome to 2020 Nebraska!! The mighty Buckeyes run over you like Osborne’s Huskers ran over my Gators in the 1995 National Title game……Okay, not THAT bad. Nobody has ever been beaten like that. Tommy Frazier is still breaking tackles.
Alabama 52 Tennessee 17
Does anybody else get the feeling that Phillip Fulmer has WAY too much influence on coaching as an AD? I know. I shouldn’t gossip. It’s wrong. I have no evidence. Fulmer would NEVER dare meddle in the affairs of other coaches or athletic department leaders. I apologize.
Ole Miss 32 Auburn 31 Minor Upset
The Lane Train goes for 2 after a late score and gets it! Watch out, Oxford—-A very happy Freshwater is on the prowl tonight!!
Michigan 27 Minnesota 20
Booger Picker ( Harbaugh ) has just a little too much for a Red Bull Chugger ( Fleck ).
Pitt 23 Notre Dame 20 UPSET OF THE WEEK
If there is one thing that Ray Finkle hates more than “laces in” on a kick, it’s the yearly over-hype of Notre Dame. Therefore, Ray releases Dan Marino from his torture dungeon so he can give the game winning play to the Pitt coaches and his alma mater late in the game for the W! #LacesOut!
Padre headed to a seedy side of Sao Paulo in his dirty car to some place he heard does great Brazilian Wax Jobs……
Pigskin Prognostications by the Piedmont Padre and Zimmern's Twin 