CFB – Week 6 – Ok Team, Who are You?

This is that week when we begin to see who teams really are. They have likely played at least 1 good team and have another this week. More excitement off the field as Colora”duh” gives walking papers to Karl “former Bushwood Greenskeeper” Dorrell after after an

0-5 start but he does take a check for $8.7 million to Coach O’s fired coach hot tub party. Interesting as the Buffalo chips lost 43-20 and that was their closest game this year…..assume no credit for improvement. Not to be outdone, Wiscy relieved Paul Chryst on Sunday for losing to Illinois, coached by former Wiscy HC Brett Bielema. On the field, former #1 Georgia had to fight to avoid an upset at Mizzou while 89.3% of all Bama fans vomited at the exact same time when QB Bryce Young went out with a shoulder injury. Big upsets included TCU handing OU their 2nd loss in 2 weeks, Pirate Mike Leach and his mangy mutts popping A & M in the mouth, Purdue knocking the oars off the Minnesota rowboat, and the Ramblin’ Wreck of Georgia Tech upsetting #24 Pittsburg on the road while being coached by the head cook from The Varsity in Atlanta. Maybe bigger shocks were UCLA having over 1000 fans at a game, 16 Division 1 teams still remaining undefeated, and the state of Kansas considering a delay in the wheat harvest as K State and the Jayhawks are both ranked in the Top 20 with a combined record of 9-1. Well it’s week 6 and we have 5 top 25 match ups and a host of big games so time to prognosticate!!

ZT has been on the road again but the fine folks at Delta Airlines provided him a solid wifi connection, over 4,000 calories of snacks across 4 flights, and enough ginger ale to allow him to take the barf bags for use as red neck koozie ( ZT likes to drink a Natty Light but write Michelob Ultra on the barf bag to look classy ). All this and a double dose of brain supplements has ZT ready for Week 6!

#8 Tennessee Volunteers @ #25 LSU Tigers 11am cdt

Mountain Oyster Eaters vs. Swamp People…..This should be a good one to start the day! ZT concedes the Vols are hottest team in the SEC, particularly at home. Vols HC Josh Huepel even looks like a guy that would live in a suburb of Knoxville in a nice trailer with a 1974 El Camino and some of those yard decorations with a passed out gnome. ZT says VOLS go to the swamp and take care of the tigers. Yard Gnomes 35 Where the crawdads don’t sing cause they are in the gumbo 27

#17 TCU Horned Frogs @ #19 Kansas Jayhawks 11am cdt

GAMEDAY in LAWRENCE KS!! No doubt the end of the world is much closer than thought!! TCU is averaging almost 550 yards per game led by QB Max “my uncle is Big Jim” Duggan ( what is it with ZT and his WCW/WWF/WWE wrestling references?!? Ok, he is from Alabama so..). Jayhawks showing their own version of a power offense with QB Jalen ” I love Jack” Daniels leading them to a 41.6 points per game average in 2022. ZT loves what 2nd year HC Lance Leipold has done to turn this team around and has already won more games than that grass-eating bum Les Miles did. Jayhawks also looking to end a 45 game losing streak to ranked opponents. ZT checked the weather and expect it to be a “SONNY” Day in KS. Horned Frogs 38 Jayhawks 31

#11 Utah Utes @ #18 UCLA Bruins 230pm cdt

The UTES are 4-0 after losing their opener at Florida. They continue to improve every week as evidenced by a 42-16 skinning of the Oregon State Beavers. UTES QB Cameron “my NIL dough is” Rising is impressive with 13 TDs to only 2 INTs and spreads it around to a large family of “Utes” ( what did you expect in Utah? A small family? ). Bruins have quietly elevated to 5-0 and scored 32 points or more in every game. QB Dorian-Thompson “my mom IS Mrs.” Robinson has similar stats with 11 TDs and 1 INT. Will be tougher this week as the Utah D will be the best they have faced so far. UCLA hopes this is the week they will get the stadium to 40% capacity and are considering making this Nancy Pelosi free Botox Day to help fill the stadium after they were unable to have Kim Kardashian Blow Up Doll Day due to lack of available plastic for production. Bottom Line: Home Field not an advantage. UTES 31 Hollywood 24

#26 Washington State Cougars @ #6 USC Trojans 630pm cdt

Lincoln Riley ( state law prohibits you saying that name in Oklahoma ) has the Trojans playing solid ball with OU transfer QB Caleb Williams leading the charge. Defense has been solid in securing turnovers. Wazzou is a good squad but has committed too many turnovers. Defense has a solid pass rush and that will be a requirement to get to Williams if they are to pull the upset. If only Mike Leach was still in Pullman, but he ain’t. Trojans 42 Cougars 28

Texas A & M @ #1 Bama 7pm cdt

Rebound game for the Aggies after a drubbing by MSU & the wedding planner last week. Believe HC Jimbo “Pocket” Fisher “man” is still a year away from a top SEC squad but he may some counseling if they don’t play better in Tuscaloosa. Saban playing QB Bryce Young’s status close to the vest stating that decision will be made on Saturday. ZT could see Bama take a page from the Gene Stalling’s era and run it 50 times. Back up QB Jalen “be a hero” Milroe is fast but did throw for almost 3,000 yds at Thompkins HS in Katy TX. ZT says Aggies better but not good enough Bama 31 Aggies 17

ZTs Quick Snacks Selections – Airline Travel Edition

#29 Arkansas Razorbacks @ #23 Mississippi State Bulldogs 11am cdt

Hogs……interesting animals as they are rough and tough but if you are going to hunt them, you do it with Dogs!! Leach feeling good and so are all the brides to be in Starkville now that he is providing counseling to anyone who will listen. Bulldogs 35 Bacon Sandwiches 28

Texas Longhorns vs. Oklahoma Sooners in Dallas 11am

Good news? Neither team wanted to play at home and City of Dallas said it is fine to play here if “you will play at 11am and get this over early so your fans can go to the Texas State Fair to get some Gobble Balls and an entire meal, from appetizer to dessert, that is double deep fried.” Both of these foods come with a free echocardiogram which is located next to the “guess your weight” guy. Red River Rivalry is more like 2 people at one of those medieval reenactments at a city park this year. Longhorns RB Bijan Robinson makes the difference. Upset Special Longhorns 31 Sooners 30

Auburn Tigers @ #2 Georgia Bulldogs 230pm cdt

When you kick a Bulldog they will not only bite you but lock those jaws down on the perpetrator ……. and if you can’t bite the same tiger ( aka Missouri Tiger ), go after it’s uglier cousin. Or even better, lure them between the hedges…… ANGRY Bulldogs 42 Here Kitty Kitty 17

#20 Kansas State Wildcats @ Iowa State Cyclones 630pm cdt

Bottom line….Wheat is healthier than corn and ZT also loves a big bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats…..playing at night so they fans can get out of the wheat and corn fields to watch. Purple Power Cats 27 Corn Puffs 21

#16 BYU Cougars @ Notre Dame Fighting Irish 630pm cdt

So many wars have started over religion…..well this isn’t one of them but should be a great game and ironic these faith-based schools are playing in Vegas!!! Cougars are facing an improving Irish squad that has had 2 weeks to prepare since beating dancing Mack in Chapel Hill. The BYU loss to Oregon doesn’t smell as bad as it did at the time. ZT says Catholics handle Vegas better than Mormons. Irish 24 Cougars 21

#28 FSU Seminoles @ #12 N C State Wolfpack 7pm cdt

Can the ‘Noles bounce back after their 1st loss of 2022? Will not be easy on the road in Raleigh. Wolfpack had their own challenge after losing to Dabo’s boys in Clemson. Both of these offenses can score but FSU has better personnel and a stronger defense. The winner of this one is still in the hunt in the Atlantic Division of the ACC while the loser will be spending time looking at the transfer portal for 2023. ZT sees home field just enough to tip the scales on this one. Wolfpack 38 Never dances with Wolves 35

ZT is out and back on the road, literally. Driving to a meeting and back ( go figure part of this has to happen on Saturday! ) but has ensured his Sirius/XM subscription is paid and has a backpack full of snacks he took from the Skyclub to get him through the day!

Padre has stayed with his Gators since the drumming of the Eastern Washington Eagles last Sunday. Totally permissible for a man of the cloth to stay with his team when they are forced to play on Sunday. Good news is they host the Tigers of Missouri in the Swamp. Due to the massive needs of the Gators on a short week, Padre says:

“No commentary this week. In their absurdity, my predictions are probably comical enough!! Forgive my lack of ( attempted ) humor this week!

Mississippi State 30 Arkansas 23 – Bacon is best on a Sandwich not a field!!

Mild Upset Kansas 41 TCU 38 – America loves Wheat!!!

Mild Upset LSU 34 Tennessee 33 – Team with the most teeth wins!!

Texas – Nobody Oklahoma – Cares Ok, Texas by 10 ( No bold print earned! )

UCLA 27 Utah 23 – In the words of Oprah ” You get Botox, You get Botox, Everybody gets Botox!”

NC State 26 FSU 23 – Like I was going to pick FSU???

Notre Dame 28 BYU 24 – Catholics typically thrive in Vegas as they wear a St. Christopher necklace while they are telling the dealer to “Hit Me!” ( Ok, this was not from the Padre but from ZT who was raised in a Catholic Family and tried this…..it didn’t work!! )

Upset of the Week Texas Tech 27 Okie State 24 – Bell Ringers are on fire!!!!

Upset of the Week #2 Mizzou 34 Florida 27 – Sack Cloth and Ashes are the attire for Gator Fans this week!!

Padre will be back at ” Full Metal Jacket” speed next week as Gators will host the LSU Tigers in the Swamp……until then…..REPENT if you love FSU!!!!