Labor Day….. noting after watching 10+/- football games, eating/drinking more than normal, and answering the pressing question: “Will I be able to fake being productive on Tuesday!?!?”

Week 0….was it a glimpse of things to come? Iowa State upsets Kansas State at “Farmageddon” in Dublin ( KSU starting QB’s dad/brother melee added to the excitement ), UNLV ( Welcome back to CFB Dan Mullin ) comes back in the 4th quarter to get a win as a 30 point favorite, and Hawaii does what it does best by winning in Honolulu. We don’t have to wait long as Week 1 is loaded with great games and we are ready to get 2025 started!!

Week 1 – off to a solid start with the USF Bulls taking out Boise State and some down to the wire games with Nebraska holding off a late Cincinnati charge on the road. Now time to turn up the volume just a little more!

The Padre is up first because he edged out ZT on winning prognostication percentage in 2024……..ZT is almost over it.

And so it begins. There’s a flicker of hope here in Gator Country as the season kicks off. If Lagway can keep all his limbs intact, we might just have ourselves a solid squad. That said, our schedule looks like it was crafted by the guy who writes those “Saw” horror movies. The word “brutality” doesn’t even begin to cover it. Navigating that gauntlet will be no small task — but hey, hope springs eternal on Labor Day weekend. And truth be told, I’ve already got the basketball Natty in my back pocket, so 2025 is feeling pretty sweet no matter what. Here’s to a wild ride, some bold predictions, lots of bad dad jokes, and a great season ahead.

Let’s get started!

Auburn vs. Baylor: Things haven’t exactly been peachy in the Loveliest Village on the Plains. Freeze may be on the hot seat. Is this the year he turns it around? Or does he just focus on breaking par on every Robert Trent Jones course in Alabama (I keep hearing he likes to golf). Still, something tells me Freeze pulls a rabbit — or a Tiger cub — out of his visor this season…or at least this game. I’ve got Auburn squeaking past Baylor in a close one, 37-34… which, fittingly, adds up to 71 (usually breaking par). Coincidence? Probably. But I’m running — no, “driving from the tips” with it.

Bama vs. FSU: No team has taken more of the brunt of my bad dad-joke-fueled football hatred than the not-so-fine folks from Tallahassee. The corny hatred fueled cheese I have lobbed at them over the years would even make Clark Griswold blush. Will I stop? Will I show mercy? Will I hold back in a spirit of “it’s just a game” type thinking? — Does a dad in cargo shorts resist the urge to pair them with blindingly white New Balances? Absolutely not! He laces up those bad boys with pride!!! And so too shall I continue my verbal war on the university that literally has a circus (look it up). What will FSU be this year? The 2023 version that went undefeated in the regular season? Or the 2024 edition that looked like a dumpster fire that was rejected by other dumpster fires for being too much of dumpster fire? My heart wants them to continue burning. My head says they will bounce back. Either way, I’m not picking them. Bama edges them out…27-24

Texas vs. OSU: On paper, this might be the biggest opening game in my lifetime. And, of course, my YouTubeTV decided now is the perfect time to enter a hostage negotiation with Fox over who deserves more rolexes and trips to the Cayman Islands. So instead of watching from the comfort of my little version of a man cave, I may be forced to watch on a far away TV while consuming formerly frozen wings with 150 strangers at a Wild Wings. To make matters worse, they’re kicking this off at Noon. Noon! Who asked for that?!?! Anyway — unless this corporate tug-of-war ends before kickoff, I’ll be consuming the game with my son through a combination of hot sauce and high calorie regret. On the game itself, I could see this going either way. And I think both make the CFP, either way. But for Week 1, I will take Texas, 26-23. Let the Arch Manning Hype Train begin.

Florida vs Long Island: I have to pick my own team when they play—even if it’s against a team I honestly didn’t know existed before this schedule came out. I can already hear the comments from Big Ten fanbases: “Oh look, another stellar non-conference game for an SEC team.” Yeah, yeah. First, we had to find someone after Texas moved from non-conference opponent to conference opponent on our schedule. Second, as mentioned above, go look at the rest of our schedule. We deserve this slow jog and refreshing ice-water before entering what is basically an Ironman Triathlon through Dante’s Inferno. This game tells us nothing about Florida. We pull most of our starters in the first half. Florida wins it, 52–10.

LSU vs. Clemson: I now live in Clemson Country — and their fanbase has been wonderful to me! I have no beef with Clemson. I do have some beef with LSU — mostly because they’ve dominated the series with my Gators over the past several years. Call me petty, but that makes me not like a team. So, even though I’m an SEC guy, I’ll be pulling for Clemson. Will Clemson win, though? If this game were being played in Death Valley, I’d pick… wait. Okay, I say the Tigers win… wait. The team that wears purple wins… wait. The team with the head coach who rants a lot will win… wait. I kid. I kid. I love Dabo — and honestly, I sometimes agree with his rants. Brian Kelly’s rants? I’m not even sure he likes them. With all that said, because this game is being played in Death Valley — the one with the rock — I’m taking Clemson by a score of 30–24. Clemson’s defense seals it late with an interception. Brian Kelly then tries to Hulk Smash Howard’s Rock, breaks his hand, and somehow still manages to blame his former players back at Notre Dame.

Utah vs. UCLA: I know nothing about these teams except that Nico was at Tennessee last season — where some of his deep balls looked like he was playing darts blindfolded.  Maybe I am wrong, but I am not sure the LA air (smog?) will suddenly change the accuracy. I say Utah wins, 24-16.

Va Tech vs. S Carolina: I keep hearing South Carolina is a sneaky playoff pick. I keep hearing Sellers is a sneaky Heisman pick. I also keep hearing that you can make broccoli taste good. Some things are never true. I have nothing against South Carolina, but I’m not buying the hype. The Gamecocks have promised glory before and have always ended up being fool’s gold. But…..Virginia Tech isn’t exactly terrifying. So, by process of elimination — and some lingering SEC bias — I’ll take the Gamecocks. Not because I fully trust them, but because I trust Virginia Tech even less. South Carolina wins it, 31–16.

Notre Dame vs. Miami: This matchup makes me happy in a nostalgic kind of way. Catholics vs. Convicts was — and still is — one of the most famous and controversial moments from my introduction to college football. I know I’m supposed to hate Miami, but I actually enjoy when they’re good, loud, brash, and fun to hate — unlike Florida State and Georgia, who I’d probably hate even if they solved world hunger. I’m also supposed to hate Notre Dame, but I can’t. I love their tradition, their fight song, and all of that. Plus, my son now goes to a Catholic school, and I’ve been seeing more Notre Dame stickers than I have in years. What I really appreciate is the history — the clashing cultures and contrasting styles. I absolutely love it. As for the actual game, I think it’s possible that both teams are a little overrated. But given the Miami humidity — and the idea that 2 Live Crew might still be blasting in the background (no idea if that’s true, but I kind of want it to be — and I don’t like their music, but think of Miami when I hear it) — I think Miami pulls out a squeaker. Hurricanes win, 23–20.

TCU vs. UNC: I tried to come up with some really humorous jokes about this game that wouldn’t cross a line for me as a pastor — I couldn’t do it. There’s simply too much material. Shane Gillis should do the commentary for this game. That would probably work. Come to think of it, Shane Gillis would be hilarious as a commentator for almost any game. Actually, we should have Shane Gillis and Nick Saban as two color commentators in the same booth. We could call it the “ESPN Hilarious Train-Wreck Simulcast.” Then they could have a weekday podcast spinoff show called “Alabama Jones and That Notre Dame Comedian Who Likes History a Lot.” Wait… what were we talking about? Oh. The actual game. Yeah. I say UNC wins at home, 23–17.

College football is back! There’s a hint of cool in the air. There’s joy on people’s faces. The world may be full of real conflict — world problems, domestic divisiveness, debates about tariffs, and, somehow, people caring way more about Cracker Barrel than I ever realized — but none of that matters on Saturday. For just a moment, we are a happy nation…and I am a happy Gator.

…until Florida fumbles the ball and World War III breaks out in my upstairs bonus room where the good TV is located.  😏

Sincerely,
Cynical — but mildly hopeful and March Madness Natty happy — Gator-Man 🐊🏀🏆& 🐊🏈🙏

ZT is so ready for CFB 2025…..Big slate of games on the prognostication board so lets move ahead with minimal ZT random thoughts. Will note ZT loves a food truck ( that’s a shocker ZT! ) and what better way to get ready for Labor Day ( ok, or any day ) with a Smash Burger and Fries. Yes, it was tasty as you will see.

Friday August 29

Auburn Tigers @ Baylor Bears 7pm

Tigers HC Hugh Freeze noted he may play 3 QBs in the opener including OU Transfer Jackson Arnold, Stanford Transfer Ashton Daniels, and TRUE Freshman “Turn the” Deuce “loose” Knight. Could be true, could be pushing QB competition, could have been drinking Jack Daniels before the interview but will be Arnold to start 2025. Regardless, Tigers have some good receivers and should be able to score points with Damari “Calamari” Alston as RB. Question..can the Tigers Defense handle a Bears team led by Heisman Candidate Sr. QB Sawyer Robinson ( 3,071 yds, 28 TDs, 8 INTs & 4 Rushing TDs ) on the road with a sell-out crowd in Waco, Texas?? Expect a good dose of ground game with RB Bryson Robinson ( over 1,100 APYs in 2024 ) to allow the air attack to work. Will see if Baylor HC Dave “I had to sell my mini panda” Aranda will use someone under 3 feet tall for the ceremonial coin toss as a make up for his recent comments about those under 4’10”. Bears Defense improved via the portal. Want to go with the Tigers and SEC but…. Upset Special Bears 34 Finicky Felines. 31

Saturday August 30

#1 Texas Longhorns vs THE Ohio State Buckeyes 11:00am

This one is HUUUGGGGE…..Defending National Champion hosting the Preseason #1. Lots of OSU players now in NFL but plenty of talent in Columbus. Longhorns would be the 1st preseason #1 to be an underdog since 1978 ( when #1 Bama lost an early season game to USC but came back to win a Natty anyway….keep that in mind Longhorns and Buckeyes….or better, don’t and just go play!! ). Sure the Buckeyes have a new QB but also new OC and DC which is a bigger concern to ZT ( come on ZT, your only concern is that McDonalds will be out of breakfast burritos when you drive through in the morning! ). OSU QB Julian “Just” Sayin did NOT throw an INT in all of 2024…Ok, sure he only threw 12 passes all year but ZT is correct on the No INTs! Texas QB Arch Manning needs to prove his worth vs. someone other than UL Monroe. Enough already and lets play the game in Columbus. Buckeyes 27 Whataburgers 24

Two Coaches looking to avoid the HOT SEAT……………..

#8 BAMA vs Florida State Seminoles 230pm

New QB for the Tide in Ty Simpson and Seminoles with UCF/Boston College transfer Tommy “Boy” Castellanos. Tide defensive bulletin board loaded with Tommy’s preseason comments but ZT notes games not won/lost on social media posts ( we know ZT, we have read your prognostications! ). That said, expect at least 1 personal foul against Castellanos in Tallahassee. Simpson has lived behind Bryce Young and “Happy Feet” Milroe for 2+ years….in Ty’s 3 seasons (Red Shirt as Freshman ) he has NEVER thrown an INT!! ( ZT….tell the whole story…)…..ok, a little better than OSU “just” Sayin has he does have 50 attempts in that time span. Will note the fact he stayed, means a lot to team leadership. Seminoles have recruited well but have had more than their fair share of injuries. Secondary lacks experience but likely not as dangerous with new Bama QB. FSU O-line brought in 4 transfers to help OC Gus “Bus” Malzahn of Auburn ( BTW, Gus is only coach to win 100 games as FBS head coach and high school coach……..( nice AI work ZT as NO WAY you actually knew that!!!! )…..this guy can run an offense. ZT says Bama gets the W but not by the margin Vegas says… Ty “dye” Simpson has a big day and defense does what it needs to against Tommy Boy 2…. Bama 34 Indian Givers 24

Long Island Sharks vs #15 Florida Gators 6pm

This is a game Steve Irwin ( RIP) would have loved. Sharks vs. Gators. Note Long Island plays in a 6,000 seat stadium there is no doubt this is biggest game in school history.
Best quote was by Sharks QB “ At the end of the day, its just another game. They’re just a little faster and a little stronger” Nothing else need be said…. Gators 49 Jaws from Nassau 10

Where is Coach O?

#9 LSU Tigahs vs #4 Clemson Tigers 730pm

Lyin Brian Kelly kicks off 2025 on the road vs Dabo’s Dudes on Saturday Night.
On the one side, Dabo has not beaten an SEC team since 2023 but is 17-10 in his career at Clemson but is also 3-1 vs. Lyin Brian ( ok ZT, any chance you will talk about the players?? ) Now to the guys on the field. TIGAHS got 5th year QB Garrett “small carrot” Nussmeier ( with a $3.8 million NIL ) back and he notes he has “unfinished business” at LSU. He did throw for over 4,000 yds and 29 TDs in 2024. Speaking of QBs, Cade “I keep a big” Klubnik “in my truck” is no slouch. He threw for over 3,600 yds and 36 TDs with only 6 INTs in the 2024 campaign. These guys are the #2 & #3 odds on favorites for the Heisman behind Manning. Who earns the CFB world respect this week? Experience, Home Field, and Brian Kelly are key.. Tigers. 31 Call Coach O in Cabo!! 28

Utah Utes -6/50.5 @ UCLA Bruins 10pm

Both these teams start out with new QBs ZT only adding this game as he will be so jacked up all day long that the adrenaline will still be pumping for this west coast special! Utes moved to the Big 12 in 2024 ( which meant the 12 Pack could now fit in a car’s console as a 2 Pack ). Bruins QB Niko Iama”leavin UT for 50% off” is making less at UCLA ( did get his first finance lesson based on CA taxes too ) than he was at UT before he requested the increase. Said going to UCLA was all about family. HC DeShaun Foster (yep, former UCLA All-American who ran all over Bama in Pasadena in a game ZT attended ) in year 2 as HC. Like Utes QB Cam “the dough is” Rising to have a solid season after hampered with injuries last year. Add in ZT is scared of what Kyle Whittingham would do to him for doubting as he is he makes Dalton in the original movie Road House look like a barista at Starbucks. Utes 31 Bruised Bruins 24

Sunday August 31

Va Tech Hokies vs #13 South Carolina Gamecocks 2pm

Ok….ZT is a Mike Shula fan and he is the new OC & QB coach for the Gamecocks. Look for the “QB motivational tactic” he utilizes involving plastic poop in his office. Should be a good fit with HC Beamer in Columbia. QB LaNorris “Hope your defense is porous” Sellers who can throw ( 2,534 yds 18 TDs 7 INTs) and run with 674 yds on the ground and 7 TDs. Another solid Week 1 match up with Va Tech, the original home of Beamer Ball. Hokies field Sr. QB Kyron “ I fly” Drones, who was just added to the Johnny Unitas Golden Arm watch list. He will need a breakout game if Va Tech is to get the W. The only thing that will break out in Columbia is big dose of “GAME…COCKS” cheer all afternoon. Gamecocks 34 Doing the Hokie Pokie 16

Marcus Freeman…..I still love you man!

#6 Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs #10 Miami Hurricanes 630pm

OK….ZT, by court order, can only state he ”loves Marcus Freeman” 6 times beginning Sept 1 for the next 12 months….he does have an appeal filed to allow Valentine’s Day & Marcus’ Birthday to be excluded from this…TBD. These teams are preseason playoff contenders and they both know this is a key game to launch those aspirations ( you been learning new words ZT? ). Irish wasting no time with FR QB CJ Carr to lead off on the road. Marcus said “had to trust my gut” on Carr starting. Marcus does have nice abs..( ZT, that is a violation! ). Good news is RB Jeremiyah “show me the” Love & a solid O-Line should allow Carr to not have to be a hero. OK, who has a better life than Carson Beck? Leaves Athens GA for Miami as a 6th year Senior, dates one of Cavinder twins, and can drive his car faster than he could in Georgia. He is healthy and still one of the best QBs in the country. Lots of new faces in Miami but the O-line is solid. Counting on Marcus’ having best gut in America. Irish 27 Tropical Depressions 24

Monday Sept 1st

TCU Horned Frogs at UNC Tar Heels 6pm

Not even focusing on the game….This is serious, we have a hostage crisis with one of the greatest coaches in football and we got to help!! ZT too scared to mention “her” name but you all get it. ZT has pulled out all the contacts he has in an effort to save Belichick….. While ZT was original focused on a military rescue from Quantico, can’t leave a stone unturned so got coach to announce Gio Lopez as starting QB so that ICE may deploy assets to the area as well. OK, since we do actually prognosticate, HC Sonny Dykes has a great one in Jr. QB Josh “I don’t suck like a” Hoover. Had almost 4,000 yds and 27 TDs in 2024 although he is about as mobile as the Statue of Liberty. Love to see Belichick open with a win but more concerned about saving him! Horned Frogs 31 Horned Goats 27

NEW add as the Padre and ZT continue to Age ( not mature! )….Dad Joke of the Week!

“Why did the tortilla chip start dancing? Because it heard the Salsa!”

Enjoy Labor Day Weekend and see you next week with more prognostications!