NCAA College Football – Page 118 – Pigskin Prognostications by the Piedmont Padre and Zimmern's Twin

Saw some “posers” go down last week to include the former Orlando City Champion UCF Golden Knights and the Texas Stubhorns ( the long ones have been removed this year ). Who knows what this week will bring so let’s get to it!!

**Bet his Book Money on Texas and now has to call his Mama…..**

The Padre walked across the Cape Fear River and his first nugget of wisdom was ” Vandy….. I picked them to upset LSU. Yes, LSU….I am clearly an idiot who should not be allowed to vote or drive. 2020 may be the end of the world and bat ‘you know what’ crazy, BUT 2020 is STILL NOT Vandy beat LSU crazy. For that, I clearly need help and guidance from above!!”

#4 Florida Gators @ #21 Texas A & M Aggies

Man, I am nervous about this one! Our defense stinks. It’s on the road and A&M IS Desperate. With all of that, I am still going to claim Florida wins! I don’t believe in the idea of a jinx, so I won’t pick Florida to lose to keep off the jinx. I’ll go with my honest gut ( not nearly as large as ZT’s ). But while I don’t believe in jinxing, I do believe Jimbo Fisher has used the wonders of free market capitalism to his advantage more than anybody in the world ( other than the Kardashians of course ). Lose 4 games or more a year — make millions upon millions…. Props to you J-dawg! Gators 34 Aggies 30

Minor Upset of the Week

#19 Virginia Tech Hokies @ #8 North Carolina Tarheels

Tech heads into Chapel Hill and comes away with a close win acting like they are Coach K in early March. Roy Williams is watching the game somewhere while wearing an ugly plaid coat. You Know It! Hokies 31 Tarheels 27

Oklahoma Sooners @ #22Texas Longhorns ( in Dallas – home of SMU )

Oklahoma pulls off the win, but Lincoln Riley really needs to stick to transfers at QB if he wants to make the playoffs. Sooners 30 Longhorns 27

#14 Tennessee Volunteers @ #3 Georgia Bulldogs

This Gator is actually pulling for the Vols ( I just threw up a little in my mouth ). With that, Mike Pence’s fly jumps on Kirby’s head during the game. He doesn’t ignore it. He grabs it. Eats it. You all know Dirty Dogs will eat anything. He then lifts his leg to mark his territory against Smokey. His defense actually breaks some legs, because they are amazing, on their way to a 2 TD win. Bulldogs 27 Vols 13

#2 Alabama Crimson Tide @ Ole Miss Rebels

Saban’s team doesn’t drink the rat poison ( if you follow Kiffin, you know what I’m talking about). Instead, Bama comes out smoking and mud-hole stomps Joey and the Freshwater Boys back to downtown Oxford. Tide 55 Rebels 17

Florida State Seminoles @ #5 Notre Dame Fighting Irish

Nothing helps my personal and professional life struggles more than FSU being terrible. I’ve never used drugs and NEVER WILL!!!!!, but is this ( FSU being terrible and liking it ) kind of what it feels like? Irish – whatever they want to score!!! Seminoles – HaHaHaHaHa!!!

Arkansas Razorbacks @#13 Auburn Tigers

I want Arkansas to win, but I don’t think they are ready to do it two weeks in a row. Especially in Jordan-Hare Stadium, where the bad ref calls and bad reviews in favor of the home team flow as often as orange spray tanner for Trump and “Come on Man’s” for Biden. Tigers 23 Razorbacks 16

UPSET OF THE WEEK

#7 Miami Hurricanes @ #1 Clemson Tigers

I KNOW I AM CRAZY!!!! I know I should have learned my lesson from Vandy! But……I got a feeling. It’s probably the burrito I had for lunch, but the microwaved Amy’s Burrito says Miami pulls of the shocker! Meanwhile, my Carolina Panthers decide to start playing football, and every week getting Trevor Lawrence seems like a smaller and smaller reality. Why can’t we be more like JAX this year, Cats?!? Just one year! TANK IT FOR SUNSHINE!!! Hurricanes 30 Clemson 27

Padre heads to Cape Fear to find Max Cady by chanting “Come out, Come out, Wherever you are!” with the plan to put him up in an Airbnb in Tallahassee for the remainder of the season…

ZT is SO fired up as he has learned Krispy Kreme is installing 24-hour vending machines in the southeast!!! While waiting for the one ordered for his kitchen, let’s prognosticate some college football…..

“**Best Invention since Gas Station Condom Dispenser**” courtesy of ZT

#3 Florida Gators @ #12 Texas A & M Aggies

Gators continue to roll but rumor is they have hired that guy that sells Flex Seal on TV as an assistant DC and banned Swiss Cheese from being served in the training room. All in an effort to tighten up a defense that has allowed almost 1,000 yds and 59 points in 2 weeks…..BUT, they are 2-0 and have a chance to improve while playing an injured herd of cattle that aged 6 months after being stomped by a herd of Elephants last week. Aggie HC Fisher is not in trouble but the 12th Man is looking for a lot more than they are getting. On the other side, UF HC Mullen needs a solid campaign ( and a W over Georgia ) in year 3. UF offense will do similar damage to A&M just like Bama, who smoked the Aggie secondary like a good brisket. UF needs some ground game but that will be a tougher task. TAM QB Kellen “come on” Mond needs to do just that and step up this week! Gator defense has more holes in it than Bushwood Country Club after that gopher incident and TAM offense could be the perfect solution. ZT sees a track meet in College Station but be says Gators get that 3rd W. Gators 38 Aggies 31

#14 Tennessee Volunteers @ #3 Georgia Bulldogs

Note ZT “felt” an upset by AU last week ( Turned out to be egg #28 in his quest to eat 50 was rotten ). Georgia looked like a team ready to contend for the SEC title. Check out UT with an 8-game win streak (last lost was to Bama)!! Bulldogs will be their biggest challenge with an unusually loud 20% full stadium in Athens. GA QB Stetson Bennett IV has won the job over some solid competition and the Bulldog Nation would like to see balance with a good ground show this week. Vols are doing a lot of things right!! They are NOT committing turnovers and are pounding the ball on the ground while QB “Chips and ” Guarantano just keeps the offense moving. News Flash…Georgia Biomedical Research Department announces they have the ability to clone Georgia Fans in less than 1 hour ( reportedly due to only having 4 chromosomes and DNA than resembles a jellyfish )!! This is how 20,000 fans grew to 60,000 by halftime last week ( according to a Georgia Athletic Department report sent to the SEC Commissioner’s Office ) ZT sees the Vols doing well until the crowd swells but when the final whistle blows, Bulldogs will be 3-0. Bulldogs 24 Vols 20.

After the game, Gary Danielson is asked to leave Athens PetSmart when he offers the manager a signed #18 Cleveland Browns’ jersey for “6 fresh gerbils, 2 paper towel tubes and a package of Dude Wipes” according to unofficial reports…..

#2 Alabama Crimson Tide @ Ole Miss Landsharks

Bama fans have now thrown out their “how to pronounce Tua’s last name” tutorial cards ( handed out with driver’s licenses and absentee ballots for the past 4 years in Alabama ) with QB Mac Jones scorching a few teams and leading the Nation in pass efficiency. Not good if you are Ole Miss and DEAD LAST in SEC total defense. Not all to fear as Ole Miss QB Matt “I love the Golden” Corral is as good as the Chocolate Fountain at the G. C. ( and ZT would know! ). They also have a solid O-line and get a chance to attack a suspect Bama secondary. Ole Miss will try everything they can to pick up a win in Oxford. HC Kiffin even had a plane from Keesler AFB in Biloxi go seed Hurricane Delta in an effort to disrupt the Tide. Did cause the game time to shift and expectations are for sloppy conditions for this one. In the end, the Bama talent is just better and proves a Crimson Tide is more destructive than a Hurricane or an injured LandShark. Bama 41 Ole Miss 23

Arkansas Razorbacks @ #13 Auburn Tigers

How about Camper Salesman and Ark HC Honest Sam Pittman heading to the plains to try and sell Gus a new bus!!! Wow….ZT was most shocked at the performance of the Tigers last week. Had predicted AU K Anders Carlson would make the difference but never thought he would be responsible for 100% of the scoring. Hogs simply went to Starkville, shut down the Leach Air Raid and picked up their 1st SEC win in 20 tries!! Nothing pretty about the Hogs ( including HC Pittman! ) but they found a way. AU’s Offensive Bus has been sluggish so far. Can’t win if AU QB Bo “I’ve got some cuts, bruises, and” Nix is to be your only weapon. May have been a slip of the tongue, but AU HC Bus Driver Gus noted ” Arkansas is better this year because they are better coached!” only to be reminded that his OC Chad Morris was their HC last year…..Hmmmm… A lot going on here and some calling for the Hog upset….Not ZT, Tigers 21 Bacon 17

#17 LSU TIGAHS @ Missouri Tigers

This will be uglier than Honey Boo Boo wearing a thong and halter top. TIGAHS 31 Tigers 17

was #9 now #22 Texas @ was #18 now #outoftop25 Oklahoma

Pillow fight in Dallas… note that current #10 Ok State is the best chance for the Big 12 to be in the mix but we know they usually choke each year so….

**Gundy calls out ZT for predicting the OK State Cowboys** will choke……

Hmmm…shouldn’t Ok State vs. SMU be the real OK vs TX fight this year? Longhorns missing one after the Horned Frogs took them out last week….OU had a battle with the corn lovers from Iowa State and got shucked 37-30 ( 1st loss in Ames, IA since 1960!!)…..so, no one outside of the respective alumni really care…….ZT included. Texas HC Herman will be on the hot seat with a loss ( currently 1-3 vs. OU won’t keep you in TX very long ) and OU just doesn’t look the same without former Bama QB Jalen Hurts who is now in the NFL. Ok, just to get it over with TX Stubhorns 38 OK Laters 35 in an upset special!

#7 Miami Hurricanes @ #1 Clemson

Dabocados get their biggest test until the playoffs. Hurricanes HC Manny Diaz has had an extra week to get ready for this one. OC Rhett Lashlee worked hard with former Houston QB D’Eriq King to get ready for the biggest test of his career. Tigers only have Heisman favorite Trevor Lawrence, RB Travis Etienne, and a pass rush that gets more pressure than a sewage pipe at a Taco Bell bathroom. ZT would love to see it but …… Tigers 34 Hurricanes 24

Big 10 game of the week…..