Pigskin Prognostications by the Piedmont Padre and Zimmern’s Twin
OK State 42 South Alabama 24
Game is tied 24-24 at half as Coach Gundy is admiring Mullets nicer than his in Mobile. Explains to reporter he is “Happy to be in this position with the #1 team at the Half” Announcer says ” No Coach, you are playing SOUTH Alabama!” OK State runs it 38 times in the 2nd half for the win. Gundy given honorary lifetime membership to the Flora-Bama Lounge.
Wisconsin 41 Florida Atlantic 13
Kiffin still upset that, as part of FAU Liability Insurance Policy, he is required to play teams with minimal females like Navy or most states bordering Canada. FAU strikes first but when Camp Randall plays Jump Around, Lane spots a girl only wearing 2 hoops of cheese and its over.
Clemson 34 Auburn 25
Dabocado tells field reporter his tighty whities are smaller than hers. Says ” tighty whities are the best, but so are boxers sometimes” Gus says they took a bus vs. flying because there are 14 Waffle Houses on the route to Clemson. Post Game says “This is just like high school ball, only bigger and different.”
Ohio State 30 Oklahoma 24
Urban says he never, ever wanted to live the “life of Riley” and surely not today. Baker Mayfield tells all on Thursday that he is 9-0 on the road since coming to OU. On Sunday, says “9-1 is pretty darn good!”
Florida 38 N. Colorado 3
Luke Del Rio says if he doesn’t start that he is changing schools. NCAA advises he has maxed out his limit. Coach Mac spotted attempting to board the N Colorado Bears team plane muttering “I love Colorado”
Alabama 52 Fresno St 17
Bulldogs score 1st and Saban retells his GA Southern “they ran through us like s*&$ through a tin horn” story at half time. WWE clothes lines the reporter who asked if he will play some young players in the 2nd half.
Georgia 24 Notre Dame 23
Kirby and Bulldogs pull the upset. Aided when Irish A. D. spots Charlie Weiss using an old credential to get on the sideline and eat the team’s energy bars. Ruckus causes a sideline warning & penalty that negates the potential winning field goal.
Florida 34 N Colorado 10
Should have won by 80 but just not that good. However, Coach Mac acts like UF has turned it around this week and shows up at the presser with his SEC east division trophies. He then puts on the shades and throws up “east side” hand signs.
Penn State 37 Pitt 25
PSU gets revenge from a loss to Panthers last year…which ultimately kept them out of the playoff ( although saved them a thumping by Clemson like was given to OSU ). After the game, Frankin yells out ” Anchor Down!…uh wait…Paterno Lives!”
TCU 48 Arkansas 47
Arkansas goes for 2 in double OT and doesn’t convert. After the game ( in his state of depression ), Beliema buys an entire 2 hour production run at a Fayetteville Krispy Kreme for a late evening “snack”
Oregon 41 Nebraska 27
Oregon controls the game. Nebraska hangs around early but can’t finish the harvest. After the game, John Belushi is resurrected to bring havoc on the Oregon Campus with Nebraska players yelling “thank you sir, may I have another!”
Clemson 27 Auburn 23
Lower scoring and closer than expected. Auburn attempted to play for the tie with advice from Pat Dye and in the confusion, failed to get the XP play off.
S. Carolina 47 Mizzou 37
Upset by Coach BOOM and Gamecocks. After the game when asked about the offensive performance, he says ( not so subtly ) ” oh, it was NUSSing!”
Ohio State 34 Oklahoma 30
OK leads most of the game, so to motivate team, Urban acts like he is having a heart attack like Sanford & Son yelling ” It’s the big one, I’m coming to see you Woody!” Buckeyes rally for the Pontiff!
Notre Dame 30 Georgia 27
Georgia wins by the stats but loses a heart breaker. Because IRMA cancelled the games in S. Florida, Mark Richt is spotted in the stands with a smirky smile and a Bulldog Voodoo doll.
Stanford 26 USC 20
Stanford players ask Trojan team before the game to explain E=mc2. Just understanding “E” gives the Trojan players a headache and they are unable to focus on the game. The Cardinal laugh all the way back to their Honors Courses on The Farm.
La Tech 43 Miss State 41
Missed FG at end of regulation. Mullen loses another early season shocker. Shreveport goes crazy that night…..oh wait, it is determined no one there really cares as they are all LSU fans. LSU wins their game and they all cheer when Coach O says ” Graw mraw crewz brewz draw free froo tabasco sauce”