WEEK 7 – Midseason Malaise

Well, Week 7 is always dangerous as the teams start “eyeballing” the conference championships, bowl games,  and beyond.   They may not admit it but even coaches start talking about it, even if only to a Bear Bryant Houndstooth Hat or Spurrier Visor they have hidden in their closet.   ZT goes “TVLAND” on you with an old show, Lost in Space, and would tell one of those teams looking around the corner………

Danger Kirby Smart

So, Padre and ZT will continue looking for an answer to your most asked CFB question: ” Do I buy the 1/2 point or not?”

THE PADRE IN THE HOUSE ON GAMEDAY!!!!

Vandy  20  Florida Gators  17

When I pick Florida to lose, they win.  SO…….

Georgia Bulldogs 30   LSU Tigers  16

Padre really wants the Tigers to win as a Gator, but the cream rises to the top in this one. Georgia plays their best game of the year.  I would then proceed to do my usual “I that Georgia is good” vomit skit, but I am going to see Hamilton tonight. So, no vomit breath for the wife for the big show.  Some Rolaids and Xanax to keep me settled.

Oregon Ducks   33   Washington Huskies   27

Emilio  Estevez rallies the Ducks for the big win.  They are mighty and they are the Ducks!

Michigan Wolverines    23   Wisconsin Badgers   22

Michigan is down and needing a field goal.  The team can’t figure out where the wind is blowing.  It seems to be swirling.  Then, Harbaugh picks his $9 million dollar nose, flips that booger in the air, and sees it’s going east.  The Kicker adjusts and converts the field goal.   20 years from now, one will be able to see that booger in an airtight, hermetically sealed trophy case on display for all to see.  The game will be forever known as “Air Booger.”

Arkansas Razorbacks     37  Ole Miss Landsharks   34   UPSET SPECIAL

Ole Miss is down late.  They line up for a 40 yard field goal to send game to OT with 2 seconds on the clock.  The kicker hooks it left and the Hogs go Wild!  They finally notch a SEC win!   Meanwhile, in Oxford, they realize wins are harder to come by when the “Benjamins” aren’t flowing like the Mississippi River to recruits……

ZT has been distracted by the events of Hurricane Michael being located in an affected area.   Found more ways to eat peanut butter than Bubba Blue knew how to prepare shrimp in Forest Gump.   Reduced prognostications due to excess gluten intake and work involving our locations along the gulf coast in path of the storm but here we go……

Colorado Buffalos  31  USC Trojans 30    UPSET SPECIAL

How can the 5-0 Buffaloes be an upset over the 3-2 Trojans?  Well, 1st because Vegas says so ( USC is a 7 point favorite ) and 2nd because USC is on an 18 game home win streak dating back to 2015 under HC Clay Helton on top of the fact Colorado has NEVER beaten USC!  Add in a USC bye-week for good measure.  Lots of offensive firepower for both squads.   Colorado HC Mike MacIntyre realizes the record of his undefeated Buffalo’s opponents is 6-21 but who cares right?  They are still 5-0 and can control the Pac-12 South with a W.   Everything says USC, except ZT’s legume-laden gut ( 2 lbs. of  JIF Crunchy to be exact ) and got to go with the Buff’s to break the spell in the Coliseum.  At the end of the game, Targeting is called on USC DB after a helmet-to-helmet collision at midfield.  Under the new Pac-12 rules, the game is halted until Senator Diane Feinstein can review the play.  She upholds the call based up a statement from the USC DB’s Pop Warner league declaring they got an email during the review stating the DB had targeted an opposing player when he was 6…..

LSU  TIGAHS   27   Georgia Bulldogs   24   UPSET SPECIAL # 2

Coach O and his TIGAHS got swamped by a confident congregation of Gators in the swamp last week ( yes, ZT made a B+ in his Animal Groups class ).  ZT noted they couldn’t/shouldn’t look ahead but now the Bulldogs are in Baton Rouge for a much-anticipated SEC battle.   Bulldog HC Kirby Smart is off to a 6-0 start and winning by an average of 30 points.  ZT notes none of those wins are over a currently ranked team.  Like both QB’s in this one.  TIGAHS QB Joe Burrow will have to take care of the pigskin this week for LSU to win.  Simple as that.  For the Bulldogs, Jake Fromm will have to hope his battered O-line can hold off a solid LSU pass rush and keep them at bay with a balanced running attack.  Coach O has not lost back to back games since he took over at LSU and think he shocks the football world this week.  May be due to the Jalapenos ZT  added to his 19th peanut butter sandwich but going with it!   CBS has to take an unprecedented 47 minute Network Delay at the beginning of the 3rd quarter as all 3 of their closed-caption technicians pass out from exhaustion while trying to post Coach O’s half-time interview.   After the game, Gary Danielson asks Coach O, again, if he would like to go camping. 

BAMA  51   MIZZOU   31

Another DANGER game in Week 7!   The mid-west tigers were off to a 3-0 start before running into Georgia and South Carolina but don’t let the 3-2 record fool you!   HC Barry Odom and QB Drew Lock can light it up!  They are averaging 39 points per game and hung 29 & 35 on 2 solid SEC defenses.   Everyone knows Nick has not been happy with a defense that is not deep, particularly in the secondary, and just gave up 31 to PigSOOOOIE in Fayetteville. It could have easily been worse.  Oh yea, Tua has a slightly sprained knee as well.   All this adds up for another track meet in Tuscaloosa but noting Mizzou is wearing their “special gold helmets” that debuted in the Georgia game (which they lost), not much to worry about other than “does BAMA cover?”  ZT’s answer?  NO.  At the post game presser, reporter asked Saban about what appears to be some kind of coloring in his hair.  Saban yells out “Rat Poison!” to which the reporter says “Sir, it is just a question and no comment either way!”  Saban replies, “No, I get it but I use Rat Poison to color my hair!”  Explains ALOT!!

( ZT stopping in progress due to sudden lower intestinal issue….maybe more to come !  )

ZT’s QUICK PICKS  ( Hurricane Michael edition )

Auburn Tigers  34   Tennessee Volunteers 17

VOLS have not beaten Auburn since 1999.   Save that graphic because you can use it next year!  Auburn extends Gus’ contract until 2089…

Ramblin’ Wreck of Georgia Tech   31    Duke Blue Devils 28

Tech does a “hit and run” on the Blue Devils.  Duke players already talking about opening 2019 Season vs. BAMA.  ZT’s advice to Duke Players?  Transfer Now!!

Florida Gators  33     Vandy  Pi Squared ( 9.86960440109 )

Only reason this close, in Nashville and Gators were downtown till 4am singing “I got friends in low places” with a guy that owns an auto body shop.

Nebraska Cornhusk ( you are only husk when 0-5 )  23  Northwestern Wildcats  22  

Scott Frost finds his first win! After the game he says ” I am going to Disneyworld!” which turns out to be true as he tries to get his old job at UCF back!!!!

ZT is out!!!