Week 1 did not disappoint with some crazy games from East Carolina missing winning kicks to FSU holding on to a W by blocking an extra point ( Bobby B is still working hard for the Seminoles from another vantage point! ).
Bama stayed #1, Kirby and his K-9’s jumped to #2 with THE Worthless Nuts, Coach Khaki’s Wolverines and Dabo’s Bubbas rounding out the Top 5.
Read a stat that 44% of the 2022 QB’s transferred in the off season. This alone adds to the level of uncertainty, particularly early in the season, and why you should continue to read this blog. It is absolutely worth every penny you are paying for it. Ok, its free but it does help us maintain our statement that “We have never had to refund anyone” although Trust Pilot says they are still evaluating that statement saying we should have paid people to read some of our content…..to be continued.
On to Week 2…..
ZT was in STL this week for work and ran across a “Free Speech Booth” in the Airport ( pic below ). Was walking from security with a Gator and Georgia fan when we spotted it. ZT walked behind what appeared to be the bullet proof shield ( odd noting it was PAST security, right? ) and proclaimed ” Brian Kelly Sucks”. It felt good to exercise the 1st Amendment!! So good that ZT immediately went to the airport Starbucks for a few slabs of cinnamon butter cake and a large coffee. ZT notes cinnamon is healthy and that negates any issues related to the buttery cake…
#16 Arkansas Razorbacks vs. South Carolina Gamecocks 11am cdt
Ark HC Sam “Cold Beer” Pittman ( ZT loves this guy! ) had a good opening game vs. Cincinnati as they fought hard to hold on to the W. QB KJ Jefferson had 3 TD’s and, more importantly, 0 INTs along with rushing for 62 yards and a TD. Like the work of RB Raheim ” Colonel” Sanders as well. Hope coach shared some of those cold beers with them after the game. Gamecocks are a bit like the “surprise” in a box of Cracker Jacks…..you just never know what you are going to get. USC QB Spencer “diamondback” Rattler (former Sooner) must improve and cannot throw INTs against ARK or the Hogs will root them off the field. Decent opening opponent in Georgia State but USC HC Shane Beamer will have to move his fighting roosters up in class to beat some angry pigs in Fayetteville. We will find out if ARK is a true top 20 team this week. ZT notes Gamecock’s got 2 AP Top 25 votes this week….pretty sure 1 was from Spencer’s Mama and the other from Frank Beamer…. Woo Pig Sooie 31 Plucked Chickens 21
#1 Bama vs. #28 Texas Longhorns 11am CDT
Ok….maybe Bama really did “rebuild” in 2021 as they dismantled the 2021 Mountain West Champion Utah State Aggies. Up 55-0 in the 3rd and finished that way with lots of players getting field time. Nothing new to add for the Tide except the Million Dollar Band will not be in Austin due to “seating allocation/location” ( aka someone at Bama agreed to a contract without understanding the ramifications. That person is now in charge of the “Hot Now” sign at a local Krispy Kreme ). Before you move on to week 3, this Texas team is much improved over the 2021 edition ( which is why ZT noted their votes make them ranked #28 ). Solid new QB “The Mighty” Quinn Ewers looks good out of the gate in Sark’s offense. RB Bijan “mustard” Robinson is as good as any in the country. Texas Defense needs to hold the Tide offense to no points on 50% of their possessions and match them with a solid “SARK Attack”. ZT believes it is possible…….so is ZT winning Powerball, but there is a chance! Elephants 41 Bevo Burgers 24
#19 Wisconsin Badgers vs Washington State Cougars 230PM CDT
Everybody loves cheese, right? ZT has it on good authority ( guy at Holiday Inn Express told him ) it gives Cougars gas. Which Wiscy will we see this year? Always have high hopes out of the gate but their tune-up vs. the Redbirds of Illinois State was more like old Velveeta vs. a fine Pule cheese ( google it but ZT knows his cheese! ). An early 100 yd pick 6 iced the 38-0 W but ZT saw nothing special other than QB Graham “My Aunt & Uncle are Ethel & Fred” Mertz ( google this young people ) who looked solid. ZT has had little confidence in the Cougars since Pirate Mike Leach left a few years ago. HC Jake Dickert came in mid season and changed a lot of staff this off season. Do like their transfer QB from The Incarnate Word Cameron Ward ( shouldn’t they protest Ohio State trademarking “THE”?? ….ZT may start a Go Fund Me to help that cause ) and former Wiscy RB Nakia Watson. Washington State is a Land Grant University and ZT expects they will “grant” Wiscy too much land at Camp Randall in this one. Cheesy Badgers 35 Cougars 16
#20 Kentucky Wildcats vs. #12 Florida Gators 6pm CDT
Payback in football?….best served up at home and even better, in a swamp. Billy Napier and his group of guys with very small medulla oblongatas took care of business vs. a solid Utah squad. They were very disciplined….what? UF with discipline again? Could spell trouble in the SEC East. QB Anthony Richardson looked good with no INTs and 3 rushing TDs. Kentucky would be a favorite of former Raiders owner Al Davis as they just win! It usually ain’t purty ( ok, ZT trying to talk Kentucky Mountainese ) but its a W! QB Will “I wear boot cut” Levis likely plays at the next level and threw for over 300 yards in the opener. Wildcat defense will try to take away the run and force UF to pass. Fun stat….even though this series is 2-2, before the 2018 win ( over Dan “Sullen” Mullen), when was the last time the Wildcats won in the The Swamp? Hints: Same year Scrappy-Doo was added to Scooby-Doo, gas was 88 cents per gallon and Tragedy by the Bee Gees was a top song………1979!!! ZT believes it will be a tragedy for the Wildcats this weekend. Gators 28 Wildcats 20
#9 Baylor Bears at #21 BYU Cougars 915pm
Baptists vs. Mormons in Provo. ZT loves Provo…mainly for references in the movie Fletch but also in Space Jam and Oceans 11. Ok…ZT also likes watching BYU all the way back to QBs Jim McMahon, Steve Young & Ty Detmer and the RB Luke Staley days. ( Ok ZT, get out of the Hot Tub Time Machine and return to 2022! ). Cougars opened by dismantling the USF Bulls in Tampa with a balanced 575 yard offensive performance. All after a 2.5 hour weather delay. Now, here come the Baptist Bears. Tune up last week vs. the Albany Great Danes. ZT notes if you search for Albany football….there is nothing. This may be since they are in the Colonial league, all news must be communicated by Town Crier?? HC Dave “Kung Fu Panda” Aranda will have his Bears ready to play. Non-Drinking Bears 35 NIL by Huffy Bike guys 31
ZT Quick Snack Picks – in honor of eating 4+ lbs. of humus in the Skyclub this week
#10 USC Trojans at Stanford Cardinal 630pm CDT
USC….Don’t like them, their coach, their state, their “fill in the blank”, otherwise, should be a good game but not going to watch it. Pulling for the Tree school but too many wildfires in CA so not good for them either Trojans 34 Scorched Wood 21
#25 Houston Cougars at Texas Tech Red Raiders 11am cdt
Dangerous to visit Lubbock but worse if you are from East Texas and think you are better than the real cowboys in West Texas. Cougars outlasted USTA in OT while TT had to go to the #2 QB. #2 played well so ZT going Guns Up in this one. Red Raiders 38 Cougars (the cat version) 34
#23 Wake Forest Demon Deacons at Vandy 11am cdt – Brain Bowl
Vandy 2-0 with over 100 points scored although defense allowed Elon to score 31 last week. Maybe a let down but we will see. WF ran well and #2 QB Mitch “Cumstein” Griffis had to stop night putting to fill in for #1 and played well enough ( yep, Caddyshack reference). Force is still with Vandy Coach Lea and calling for the upset in Nashvegas. Upset Special Commodores 31 ACC Devil People 30
ZT done and checking in on his NFL Dolphins latest updates.
Padre finished his Arkansas Wal-Mart Greeter conversion efforts and is now headed to Florida to search for lost Gator souls who went back to the swamps to hide sometime after Urban went urban and much more during the Sullen Mullen reign. Taking a break to prognosticate..
Bama 41 Texas 23
Bama is furious about their band’s placement in the stands ( and the band backed out ). Texas is furious that people from California keep moving to their state/borderline independent nation. Bama is still furious about losing to Georgia. Texas is still furious about losing to Kansas. Ketchup based Alabama BBQ sauce is a sweeter bet than the Texas brisket on Saturday. Texas beats the spread, but only because Bama is resting starters, again, late in the game.
Arkansas 26 South Carolina 16
USCe changed “Sir Big Spur” to “The General”. Then immediately went back to “Sir Big Spur” as mascot. Meanwhile, the Hogs say it all taste like chicken to them. Hogs by Ten!!!
Florida 26 Kentucky 24
As a cynical Gator fan, I want to pick Kentucky because 1) I always think we will lose, and 2) we are coming off an emotional and exhausting win. But I have to ask myself: If I were a betting man ( I am not! ), would I bet UF or UK? If I am being honest, I would go UF very close because it is in The Swamp. So, I say 26-24 victory for the good guys ( my version of good guys that is, as I am sure Kentucky fans think Florida is close to Ramsay Bolton or King Joffrey from Game of Thrones ). But my fellow UF fans need to CALM THE HYPE DOWN! UF forced ZERO punts from Utah in the 2nd half. ZERO. This is a rebuild in progress. And lastly: Now I know that I have cursed my Gators by picking them to win. Darn me and my honesty. I change my mind: Kentucky by 7. #ReversePsychology!
Tennessee 40 Pitt 30
My favorite shirt to wear around my house is borderline Tennessee orange. It’s ugly, but the cotton is so comfortable. Last night I spilled some hot sauce on it. When I looked down at the stain, it was in the image of a “T”. It must be a sign…..or maybe just my indigestion. Either way, Vols by 10.
Iowa State 3 Iowa 2
They kick off a rivalry football game and a “futbol” match breaks out. Last week Appy State scored 40 in 1 quarter. Iowa many not score 40 in September. This game may go to penalty kicks. Grab your popcorn…..and a Red Bull to stay awake.
Michigan 51 Hawaii 0
Last I checked, Michigan was favored by 52. SO, once again, Harbaugh doesn’t live up to the hype. He can’t even cover a 52 point spread. I bet his Khakis aren’t even properly creased. Sheeeesh. Hail to the underachievers!
Baylor 30 BYU 27
Southern Baptists vs. Mormons. Baptists are meaner than Mormons. The Baptists win by a FG. ** Calm down my Baptists friends..it’s a joke! But Mormon neighbors are crazy nice!! But nice doesn’t win battles on the gridiron. If Utah and BYU is “The Holy War”, is this the “Denominational Death Match?”
Upset of the Week Vandy 31 Wake Forest 30
Private and Rich vs. Private and Rich. Black and Gold vs. Black and Gold. SEC vs. ACC. I will go with SEC, in front of all 728 home fans, for the upset.
2nd Upset of the Week Stanford 38 USC 34
Once again, Private and Rich vs. Private and Rich. Red vs. Red. The cardinal shade prevails in an upset in front of all 729 home team fans ( take that Vandy! ). Lincoln Riley self-punishes for a week by only allowing himself to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the deck of his $17 million dollar oceanfront estate. It’s the modern day coach version of having to run suicide drills.
Padre headed back to rescue more swamp people and ZT planning to buy 10 gallons of boiled peanuts to get him all the way through MNF!!!
Pigskin Prognostications by the Piedmont Padre and Zimmern's Twin 