Solid start to the season, unless you are a Bama, Texas, Boise State, or UNC. OK, maybe not UNC as it was confirmed Coach Belichick is safe after he gave Jordon $100 to buy another pair of Carolina blue pants.

Will note Lee Corso was 6-0 on his prognostications on his final GameDay broadcast. Congrats Lee and hope you had it in a parlay!!

Week 2 has more layups than 3-pointers but who cares? It’s college football so here we go!

Prognostication Update: Padre 5 – 4, ZT 5-4 As is tradition, the leader goes first and in this case, Padre’s Gators won & ZT’s Tide lost so he gets the nod! ( also, if a reader is short on time, better to listen to a man of the cloth vs. a man who doesn’t even wipe his mouth with a cloth..)

Padre is in the House!

After a feast of steak and shrimp in Week 1, the football ‘gods’ (conference and athletic directors) have served us a plate of celery and tap water for the encore. But hey — maybe we’ll get a surprise or two. Upsets happen. And at the end of the day, it’s football. That alone is enough. ❤️🏈❤️

UL Monroe @ Bama: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the Tide let me down. Now we’re hearing “FSU is back” — which feels a lot like saying disco is back (Hard pass). And Bama? They looked like they were back to the Debose years. I’ve told my Bama friends I’ve got a bad feeling. This version of the Tide reminds me of Florida under Zook or McElwain: a big win here and there, followed by a faceplant against Mississippi State…or worse…Vanderbilt. There’s a sloppiness showing, a lack of discipline — and honestly, they don’t even look physically dominant right now. Of course, I could be wrong. My football résumé consists of one season as a kid, where my proudest moment was executing a perfect form tackle in practice on the starting RB…who just kept running while I clung to his leg like a toddler. So yeah, maybe don’t quote me on this. 🤣 For the meantime, Bama gets back on track this week. Tide rolls, 44–10.

USF @ Florida: Only Cynical Gator-Man (that would be me!) could find cause for concern in a 55–0 win over the mighty Long Island Sharks. And yet… here I am. Very concerned. So concerned, in fact, that I briefly considered picking South Florida to win. I won’t go that far, but I do think their QB is about to channel his inner Michael Vick (circa Virginia Tech) and give us absolute fits. Thankfully, The Swamp is the difference. Gators survive, 27–20. Then comes a stretch of schedule that’s so brutal, it’s like forcing me to eat pickles (which I hate), or making me sit through a community theater production of the musical “Rent”. Honestly, I would rather listen to Yoko Ono try to cover Whitney Houston.

Baylor @ SMU: It’s Baptists vs. Methodists — a true holy war (with shoulder pads — and sprinkling vs. dunking). As a Methodist, I feel obligated to back SMU. That said, I do like Baylor’s seminary… and they do have a Methodist studies program now. And just like that, I’ve talked myself out of SMU. The Metho-Baptists (Baylor) edge the United Methodists, 31–30.

Michigan @ Oklahoma: The Game of the Week features two blue bloods with very different vibes. Oklahoma’s trying to rebuild the empire. Michigan’s trying to prove they can win without a menu of stolen signals. The Wolverines might have the talent, but I’m picking vibes over violations. Sooners take down the cheaters, 23–16.

Iowa @ Iowa St: The Corn War? I want to pretend I know a lot about these teams — I don’t. I did notice the total is over 40, which feels aggressive given how historically allergic these teams are to offense. I’m taking the under. ON THE ACTUAL WINNER: I did my research and have come up with a very scientific way to pick the winner — Iowa has better uniforms. The Hawkeyes win a close one, 20-17.

Ole Miss @ Kentucky: The Rebels are only favored by 8.5. This surprises me. I feel like Ole Miss could really make this ugly. My dear Big Blue friend (who will read this) will hate me for this, but I think Ole Miss may open up one of those Billy Bob Thornton T-Mobile commercial cans of “whoop-up” (I see what you did there, Sling Blade) on the Cats. Last week, as TCU rolled, North Carolina kicked off basketball season on the evening September 1st. This week, I say Kentucky follows suit — and starts dribbling toward March Madness by the evening September 8th. Rebels by a wide margin, 34–13. *Oh, and Kentucky: Florida won the national title in basketball. Just wanted to remind you of that.

That’s it. Here’s to another week of football. And here’s hoping we have some surprises—outside my Gators, of course. I don’t expect much from this weekend, but we shall see. I didn’t expect much from Happy Gilmore 2, but it made me laugh.

Go Gators! Beat USF!

ZT…( remember, going 2nd just means your the first loser! )

Baylor Bears vs #17 SMU Mustangs 11am

Baylor Bears were smoked by Auburn’s QB Jackson Arnold at home and now travel to Gerald Ford Stadium in Dallas to meet a herd of Mustangs fresh off a tune up win over East Texas A & M. Why would ZT mention AU’s Jackson Arnold? Well, SMU has a dual threat QB in Kevin “not Waylon” Jennings. SMU HC Rhett Lashlee has won 15 of his last 16 at home. Bears QB Sawyer Robertson did have over 400 yds in the loss to Auburn so will see which defense steps up & ZT likes the home team better in this regard. Mustangs 34 Bear Cubs 28

Iowa Hawkeyes vs #16 Iowa State Cyclones 11am

Corn, Corn, and more Corn. Remember last year when HC Kirk Ferentz had to fire his son Brian for one of the lowest producing offenses over the prior 2 years. Come on man, it takes Iowa corn 100 to 130 days to grow so what did you expect? ( Ok ZT, now you are an agronomist too? ). Good news is QB Mark Gronowski ( transfer from S D State with over 10k passing yds and 94 TDs ) is expected to elevate the Hawkeyes offense to a respectable level. The Cyclones came back from a win in Dublin to put down South Dakota like Sec. Noem puts down a bad dog. Like any rivalry, this one will be a fight but 55,000 at Ames will be in favor of the Cyclones. Cyclones 24 One-eyed Hawks 21

SEC Game Alert!

#20 Ole Miss Rebels vs Kentucky Wildcats. 230pm

At least a little SEC life in the Week 2 schedule…. Rebels HC Kiffin took up yoga after the Wildcats upset the Rebels in week 5 last year and one could tie that loss to the reason Ole Miss was in the TaxSlayer Bowl vs. the CFP! Ole Miss offense is just better and while the Wildcats can run, expect Rebel defense to make KY QB Zach “my mom still drives a Granda” Calzada toss a few INTs and that will do it. Rebels Hot Yoga 31 Garfield’s Cousins 17

USF Bulls vs #13 Florida Gators 315pm

Love in-state battles and the Sunshine State has more than just UF, FSU, and The U. The USF Bulls gored the Broncos of Boise State 34-7 while the Gators put on a show with a 55-0 mauling of Long Island that was more brutal than watching Jaws 3-D. Its in The Swamp and Gators fair better in that environment than a Bull, even one named Rocky ( USF Mascot ) Gators 31 Transfer Portal to PBR Circuit 21

Top 25 Matchup Alert!

#15 Michigan Wolverines vs #18 Oklahoma Sooners. 630PM

Intriguing match up….Wolverines won their opener with true Freshman QB Bryce Underwood who is also the youngest starting QB in Michigan history. Nice warm up against New Mexico but the Boomer Sooner will be waiting in Norman after their own tune up against Reggie Redbird’s flock from Illinois State last weekend. These two last met in 1975 in the Orange Bowl when OU picked up a Natty with a win. Most remnants from that game will watching this one with their dentures in a bowl of Efferdent. Sooners QB John Mateer ( WSU transfer ) is good & mobile…..but they are missing one ingredient….RB Justice Haynes ( UA Transfer ) ran for 159 yds and 3 TDs. Tide didn’t want him to go but he moved to Ann Arbor and he will be the difference maker on Saturday. Upset Special Wolverines 24 Kaboomer Sooners 23

UL Monroe Warhawks vs #21 Bama 645pm

Only thing to say is Bama must look like a team that fills a 101,821 seat stadium not a recreational team playing at a public park on a Tuesday. Anything short of that will be considered a loss. Expect Tide to run the ball and work on improvement vs. a showcase win. Undefeated Warhawks ( they did shut out St. Francis School for the Blind last week, ok? ) understand the challenge and will be ready to play on Saturday night. Unique Upset Special with ULM covering the Vegas spread. Bama 41 Warhawks 6

ZT is done and back to his day job ( its good you have one of those ZT as this ain’t it…you make Pat McAfee look better! ).

Dad Joke of the Week

Why do I only seem to get sick on weekdays? You must have a weekend immune system.