Well, it is a week to be thankful and to share love/blessings with family and friends. One problem…..its RIVALRY WEEKEND!!! So, after the friendly Thursday meal…..its time to focus all that suppressed negative energy that built up while you had to watch Hallmark Movies, eat a bad broccoli dish your aunt has made every year ( because you lie to her each year when you say “it was great Aunt Edna, better than last year!” ), and listen to your sister-in-law talk about the glory days when she was the head cheerleader in the 9th grade ( ZT, how long you going to make this sentence!?! ) and NOW take all that anger out on your fiercest football rival!!!
Last week did not disappoint!! Hillbillies get spurred out of the CFP by the Gamecocks while Texas A & M barely beats the worst team in the nation in front of the grounds crew and 42 homeless people who were told they could eat if they just watched the game ( note they invited 1,000 but 958 said they would rather go hungry ). The Top 4 in the CFP all had tight games and Lane Kiffin, who dressed like a guy who was trying to buy weed on the street for the 1st time, got punched in the face by some beer drinking hogs. The Punk 12 keeps their hopes alive with USC beating the Bruins ( Word is Trump took full credit for this at a CA rally).
Padre has struggled to work through the whole 1st Thanksgiving with Pilgrims and Indians gathering together noting his Gators are playing the Seminoles but is at place where he can prognosticate….
Special Turkey Day Minor Upset Bowl Miss St. 31 Ole Miss 27
Pirates love when their opponents are distracted. It’s “fresh water” to them (get it?). Is Lane going to The Plains or staying in The Grove? Either way, the Rebs lay an egg and the SEC’s generic brand Bulldogs win a big Egg!!
Black Friday Football!
The 1990s Flash Back Bowl FSU 41 UF 13
Words cannot express my extreme hatred for the team from Tallycrappy. Pastors can hate too! Ecclesiastes says there is a time for hate, and this is the time my friends! Too bad hatred is not enough. I am not sure my hatred plus Barry Sanders or Emmitt Smith would be enough for my Gators. Why you ask? Vandy. The answer to that question is Vandy. We Lost. To Vandy. There were more Gator fans in the stadium than Vandy fans – and WE STILL LOST TO VANDY! And then to make it more embarrassing, all 127 Vandy fans very orderly rushed the field. Instead of salt in the wound for my Gators, that’s like watching the high school class genius orderly walk over to your cheerleader girlfriend at the dance and use proper grammar to insult you while stealing your girlfriend as they drive off in his Volvo to have her home by 930pm. ( My favorite car ever was a Volvo by the way, but you get the very long sentence point). FLORIDA LOST TO VANDY. I need some prozac. Maybe my doctor can get me some. I trust him. He went to Vandy.
Basket-Foot-Ball Bowl UNC 30 NC State 20
Sky blue vs. Devil Red. This Pastor will always take sky blue – and Drake Maye!
The Rust Belt vs. Hurricane ( I seriously mean the drink!!) Bowl Cincy 24 Tulane 20
Both of these programs are ranked. Florida is not and lost to Vandy. If you hear about a Pastor arrested at the Thanksgiving Parade for tackling a turkey mascot, because he thought he looked at him wrong ( with his fake eyes ), the first 2 sentences of this commentary were why!
Not Original Members of the SEC Bowl Arkansas 31 Mizzou 27
The winner of this game gets all the royalty money from the TV show Ozark!
Super Saturday Selections
The VERY INTENSE Rivalry Nobody but also somehow EVERYBODY talks about Bowl Clemson 34 South Carolina 17
Carolina whipped Tennessee so bad last week that I thought it was 1995 and Spurrier was coaching the Gamecocks instead of the Gators. Ha! That’s funny. Spurrier coaching somewhere other than UF!?!? LOL. Like that would ever happen. That would never happen.
The Who wants to be DESTROYED by Georgia in seven weeks Bowl Ohio State 38 Michigan 13
Michigan beat Ohio State last year. That means…….well, that means Ohio State whips them this year. As Ron Burgundy said, ” It’s science.”
The Basket-Foot- Ball Bowl #2 Kentucky 23 Louisville 20
For some reason, I think Kentucky pulls this one out. By the way, Louisville is HORRIBLE at basketball this season, and Stoops now makes more money than Coach Cal. The state of Kentucky has gone into alternate universe mode!
THE IRON BOWL ( no other name will do ) Bama 41 Auburn 13
The Cadillac Caravan will need a bunch of tow trucks back home after this one…..where Lane awaits to welcome them back!!
The Oregon Trail Final Destination Bowl ( for my generation ) Oregon 34 Oregon State 24
The Ducks take out their rival and head to the Pac-12 title game against Southern Cal. Ducks go 10-2 in year one of new coach. I am not jelly. You’re jelly.
The Made-Up National Name-Brand Rivalry USC (the real one )38 ND 20
USC controls their destiny for the CFP in year one of a new coach. I’m not jelly again. You’re jelly again!
Craziest Upset ( I have ever called ) of the Week Bowl Texas A & M 24 LSU 23
I know, I know. But sometimes you just have to roll the dice and see what happens. I don’t gamble, buy my head coach always says, “scared money don’t make money!” I am gonna sling those dice and say Jimbo rallies his 19 year old millionaires to victory!!!
Happy Thanksgiving, Friends! Padre off to hug a Seminole before the clock strikes midnight!
All righty……time to clear up those questions you have about rivalry games since , post 2+ years of Covid, many of you will end up at Wal-Mart & Target for Black Friday Weekend with your wife/girlfriend just for “old times sake” (and because she said so! ) ZT will be at home eating left over pies and thinking about you guys at Sam’s Club.
Friday Prognostications ( take your phone and watch on the ESPN app while your spouse stands in line to fight, WWE style, to get your daughter the last electric Barbie Jeep in town ). Some games have names…others, just made up something!
#19 Tulane Green Wave @ #24 Cincinnati Bearcats 11am cst Beignets vs. Chili Beans Bowl
Great game out of the gate……a pair of 9-2 squads with AAC implications. Cincy has a 32 game home win streak in place while the Green Wave will be the regular season champs with a W. If UCF ( and the Gus Bus) lose to S. Florida ( about as likely as Trump shaving his head ), these 2 could play again!! NY Day bowl game shot also at stake. Cincy QB Bryant was injured and his status is pivotal ( ZT, you auditioning to play Captain Obvious? ) if Bearcats are to win & now some speculation Luke Fickell is headed to Nebraska? Too much distraction.. Upset Special Green Wave 21 Confused Beacats 20
NC State Wolfpack @ UNC TarHeels 230pm cst Battle for the Research Triangle
This game is a bit of a letdown based on early season predictions but a rivalry none the less. Tar Heels like to just outscore people with QB Drake Maye (34 TDs & only 4INTs ) and that is good because the Defense allows over 450 YPG and 30+ PPG. Odd deal is UNC is out of the CFP but in the ACC Championship regardless of outcome. Wolfpack is bowl eligible but dropped 2 in a row to Louisville and BC. Defense is pretty solid allowing under 19 PPG. Tar Heels 35 Dancing without Wolves 24
UCLA Bruins @ California Golden Bears 330pm cst The Bear Bowl
Well….the FTX logo was removed from the University of California field. Has been replaced with California Lottery logo (so ZT hears). Bruins lost a heart breaker to USC last week. Cal is just not that good. It’s ok for you to walk into Dollar General and people watch vs. having to watch/listen to this one. In the scheme of things, this game is less important than what brand of gasoline you buy. Bruins 35 Rusted Bears 21
Florida Gators @ #19 Florida State Seminoles 630pm cst The Florida Cup
Seminoles continue to improve and word is Gators have 5 WRs out for this one. Not all bad based on AR 15 accuracy some days so expect him to run, run, run! Other issue? Indians are pretty fast too so Tallahassee is not going to be friendly to the Gators. Gators will still have a nice bowl game somewhere in FL in December & FSU a little nicer one. ‘Noles 31 Gators 21
Saturday – Day 3 of Turkey sandwiches, casseroles, etc. Stay away from Turkey Jell-o, Turkey Donuts, and Turkey Sushi!!
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets @ #1 Georgia Bulldogs 11am cst Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate
Dawgs cannot afford to look ahead to the SEC Championship with a Ramblin’ Wreck that is fresh off an upset win over the UNC TarHeels ( with their #3 QB!) and can become bowl eligible under interim HC Brent “I hold the” Key. Goal for the Dawgs? 1) just win 2) no injuries 3) repeat 1 & 2 each quarter. Dawgs 38 Towed Vehicle with insects 13
#3 Michigan Wolverines @ #2 Ohio State Buckeyes 11am cst The Game
How about you Big 10? Back in the spotlight and not just hoping to join the SEC in the playoff party!! ZT must be honest and note he is envious of these teams/fans having this matchup on rivalry weekend!!! In 2022, this is THE GAME! Buckeyes ( yes, it’s a worthless nut that makes decent candy ) are dealing with some injuries, particularly on offense. QB CJ “Mayo” Stroud needs to make it happen regardless of who is on the field. They were able to overcome Maryland last week but this is Michigan, with one of the best defenses in the Nation. Wolverines have their own offensive challenge with RB Blake Corum ( ZT likes this guy! ) banged up and questionable. QB JJ “Dynomite” McCarthy will need to step it up regardless. Ohio State reminds me of Seegar in Officer and a Gentlemen….until they get over the wall ( aka Michigan ) they are not going to get the shot at a Natty in 2022. ZT says they get over the wall in Columbus on the arm of “Mayo” Stroud. OSU – SEEGAR 28 The Wolverine Wall 24 ( ZT back to a 1982 Movie with Richard Gere for THE GAME? Please no Pretty Woman analogies on Rivalry Weekend!)
South Carolina Gamecocks @ #8 Clemson Tigers 11am cst Battle for the Palmetto Bowl Trophy
Change your batteries in your remote as this is the 3rd big game at 11am cst to watch while finishing a turkey omelet. No one thought this would be much of a game in early October….but SC QB Spencer “with WD-40 I no longer” Rattler looked like “that guy” last week and destroyed Tennessee (maybe payback for emotional scaring from the movie Deliverance). Good news for Clemson is they still have distant shot at a CFP slot and a “better” Gamecock squad helps that cause if they can win. Tigers still have UNC next week for the ACC Championship. Gamecocks used it all up last week but closer than expected. Tigers 28 Roosters with no spurs left 20
Auburn War Eagle/Tigers @ #7 Alabama Crimson Tide 230pm cst The Iron Bowl
Love everything Cadillac has done for the Auburn Team. But Thanksgiving and love is over by Friday and this game is on Saturday. Tide Seniors playing for pride and from those going to the NFL, likely their last game. Saban only chewed on nails for Thanksgiving meal noting ” I got plenty of time to eat next week since we ain’t going to Atlanta. Aight?” Hoping he actually shows some emotion again this week. Bama 38 Rented Cadillac 14
#9 Oregon Ducks @ #21 Oregon State Beavers 230 cst The Civil War
Ducks need a win to make the Punk-12 Championship while the Beavers want to crush their rival and upgrade their bowl game options. Ducks lost to UW to end their CFP chances but bounced back to beat the UTES. Beating your rival and P12 championship are solid goals. UPSET SPECIAL BEAVERS 31 Wounded Ducks 28
#15 Notre Dame Fighting Irish @ #6 USC Trojans 630pm cst The Jeweled Shillelagh
Not often anyone other than Irish fans pull for Notre Dame but add in over 1 million Sooners’ fans to pile on the Irish bandwagon for this one!! Irish will run and note they are 6-0 when rushing for 200+ while Trojans D is ok on the run but not great. One issue, Trojans QB Caleb Williams is great and even with some RB injuries, this is a high-octane offense. Expecting lots of TDs in this one but USC will have 1 more than the Irish…remember this is Thanksgiving, not Chrismas or Easter so the Pope’s powers are not a full strength! Trojans 41 Irish heading to the Confessional for cursing 35
#10 Tennessee Volunteers @ Vanderbilt Commodores 630pm cst Golden Egg Trophy
How about the name of this trophy after Vols laid a raw egg last week to South Carolina while Vandy upset the Gators and, very methodically & in single file, storms the field. Looked more like an engineering graduation ceremony as it took longer for them to get on the field than it did for the fans to get into the stadium. OK, we get it, Vandy not used to this. The NCAA should be absolutely ashamed to call that a fine for “storming”. Hoping Congress calls a committee to investigate that!! Sad news, UT QB Hooker is out for the year and ZT hopes he will be 100% for the NFL draft!! So…UT’s Joe Milton ( Michigan Transfer ) will lead the Vols to a victory in Nashville as it is exam time at Vandy and that’s what really matters there. Vols 41 Commodores 24
Kansas Jayhawks @ #12 Kansas State Wildcats 700pm cst The Sunflower showdown
Sorry Jayhawks, after losing 5 of the last 6, just don’t see how you can hang with K.State and break that 13 game losing streak. Recommend you enjoy the long weekend and watch replays of Kansas Basketball and put the song “Glory Days” on a continuous loop for 72 hours. Purple Power Cats and RB Deuce Vaughn run to a solid post season bowl game on Saturday night! Purple Power Cats 38 Good Night Hawks 21
#13 Washington Huskies @ Washington State Cougars 930 pm cst The Apple Cup
This is good one if you still have some Fireball left when it kicks off. Pullman is a graveyard for most who visit. Huskies 1st year HC Kalen DeBoer WANTS the Apple Cup Trophy in their case and expecting Hoosier Transfer QB Michael Penix Jr., with most yds in CFB at 3,869, to get it done. Cougars have won 3 and their QB Cameron Ward has 21 TDs this season and a solid Defense. Something has to give and ZT going upset to end the night! Upset Special Cougars 31 Huskies 28
ZT and Padre out till the Championships next weekend ( which neither of our teams will participate in! ) and preparing to prognosticate!
Pigskin Prognostications by the Piedmont Padre and Zimmern's Twin 