Category: NCAA College Football

 

The Piedmont Padre is out putting up the weekly message on his church sign as follows:                      GOD will NEVER leave you for the Seminoles!

Alabama 62  Tennessee  13

Seriously??…  This will just be ugly.  It’s just sad….  Prediction:  Butch Jones is fired on Sunday or Monday after the game.  Lane Kiffin starts sending Edible Arrangements to Knoxville on a DAILY basis.

Penn State  27  Michigan   23

MUCH closer than many people think on this one BUT Penn State holds on for the W.  After the game, Harbaugh is asked by a reporter to comparing his record to Brady Hoke at this time in their tenures.  Harbaugh responds as follows…..

Notre Dame 30   USC  27

USC lines up for a chip shot FG to tie and send to OT.  Suddenly, as the ball is in the air, a massive gust of wind flows through the stadium and the ball sails wide left.  Meanwhile in Rome, Pope Francis gives the image of God in the Sistine Chapel a HIGH FIVE!

Arkansas  24  Auburn 23  – UPSET OF THE WEEK

Somehow, someway, Arkansas pulls it off!   Malzahn comes home to his house rolled like Toomer’s Corner……..but the toilet paper in his trees ain’t clean!

Padre is out working on a “love thy neighbor” message to send to everyone on Butch Jones street.

Zimmern’s Twin is giving an interview with a local TV station and is asked: ” What is your favorite Cake?”   His answer:  “MORE!”

Auburn 37   Arkansas 17

Auburn trying to rebound after blowing a 20-point lead to LSU, which was thought to be impossible with a defense touted to be “tougher than listening to an Anne Coulter interview.”  Malzahn noted ” It was not the end of the World!”…..Lose to the sooie pig chanters and pretty sure you will see dogs and cats hooking up in Auburn!   Per Bielema “We have an advantage because Bama was beating us so bad in the 2nd Quarter, we were over it before we left Bryant-Denny Stadium”   Tigers will be challenged playing against Ivan Drago’s cousin 6-7 268 lbs. QB Cole Kelley.  Tackling this guy is like trying to knock over a telephone pole with a moped!  At the end of the day, Aubie gets back on track and Bielema continues mailing coaching applications to the Mountain West.

Bama  48   VOLS 14

Saban, when asked about how to fix the issues on the Punt Returns says ” why don’t we just let them score and then we don’t have to worry about fumbling a punt…..a’ight??”  He then quickly noted this is a “throw out the record game” and got to ignore the fact UT hasn’t crossed the goal line in several weeks.   Little Nicky says “the wrong mindset in practice has a TRICKLE DOWN effect.”   Butch Jones says ” so does being 3-3 but the trickle down for him is from Smokey every time he sees me.”  Word is Peyton has agreed to give Jones a Papa John’s in Duluth, MN if he will just not talk anymore and leave in early December.   Derek Dooley is seen in a booth near the stadium  selling t-shirts that read ” Bring my home Rocky Top, I only lost by 31 each year I was HC!”

Miami  34   Syracuse 20

Mark Richt continues to make more believers in Dade County than a Billy Graham Revival!!  #8 UM has a date with the most recent “giant killer” in Syracuse.   The Orangemen, just off the upset over Clemson, has to come down from the clouds and quickly.  Watch out because Sebastian the Ibis LOVES to eat oranges.  HC Dino Babers has the locker room video of the week after the upset but this game is not in the Carrier Dome.  Tipping point for ZT is ‘CUSE is planning on wearing ‘all-whites and using Game of Thrones references….REALLY???   Just add 7 more to the beat down and make it UM 41 – Syracuse 20 for going fiction on us!

Michigan 31  Penn State  27   UPSET SPECIAL

Current “GAME OF THE YEAR” in the Big 10…..Harbaugh wears no pants but body paints Khakis in an effort to intimidate James Franklin.   not to be outdone, Franklin shaves a picture of Joe Pa into his chest hairs.   PSU RB Barkley is the best in the country this year and well on his way to a potential Heisman…….  BUT…something just feels weird about this one ( could be the triple stuffed Jalapeno burritos I had for breakfast ) and the planned “White Out” at State College is part of it!   Not a fan of the tactic; indicates a need for alternative motivation.  I think the Wolverines squeak by the Nittany Lions in what will be Un-Happy Valley.   Harbaugh then vows to only wear the body paint khakis until they win it all.

Miss State  38  Kentucky 28

Why even pick this game?  No one in Lexington cares now that Hoops practice is in session.  KY players STILL saying they were better than the Gators 4 weeks ago.  ” We should be undefeated and IF we had…blah, blah, blah, blah…….Wake up, You didn’t and you are not undefeated!!!!  MSU is a dangerous team, particularly at Cowbell Central! Home field is big in Starkville because…..well, its Starkville.   Bulldogs looking for some payback from the 2016 loss.  After the game, Mullen throws his visor and it is revealed he wears a Mohawk  and the visor is one of those “fake hair’ models.  Trump immediately tweets “Fake Hair, Fake Hair!”

FSU 31   Louisville 30

This was originally set to be an in-season “play in’ game for the CFP.  Now it looks more like Zombies vs. Corpses.  HC Petrino said the Cardinals worked ” on tackling and how to handle post game press conferences when you choke,”   For FSU, the “Indians are getting restless” and noted several of the top Nole blogs are already talking about recruiting and the 2018 season for the 2-3 team.  I must say, only 6-8 players on the Louisville roster could likely start for FSU but the key one would be Lamar Jackson for sure.   Just not enough in Tallahassee this week as the Noles win a squeaker and Jimbo tells the folks on Nolecast to “Bite Me!!”

LSU 38  Ole Miss 12

LSU is back in the saddle after a comeback win over Auburn…….not just any comeback but the biggest since 1949!  This just a week after a win over the Gators.  Coach O thanks his mama, Cornelia, better known as CoCo, for all her help.   Big Ed says ” mama said we lost to Troy because I wasn’t using my medulla oblongata like I should.”   Tiger fans began to chant  ” We want Bama…..and of course more Alcohol and Boudin!”  Ole Miss will need to call Serv-Pro after this season for disaster recovery.    It was noted Coach O only had 1 friend left in Oxford from his stent as HC and it was a fried chicken cook at a gas station.   Interim HC Matt Luke ask Coach O, ” Could you introduce me to him?”   This week, not even a gaggle of Hotty Toddys will ease the pain of this one!

ZT is out and heading back to the Winn-Dixie before the Deli closes so he can buy mac & cheese for $1 a pound!!

 

THURSDAY NIGHT ( You would think ZT would recognize games played between Wed-Sat are about as predictable as the Lotto ball machine! )   0-4 last 2 weeks on “Non-Saturday games!!……worse than eating Broccoli for ZT!!!

Houston 28        #25 Memphis  24

Rat Poison being soaked up by the Memphis Tigers ( 5-1).  Not by HC Mike Norvell, who has done a fine job with the University of Graceland!!!  BUT the local press is already laying out the “IFs”  Such as IF they win this game they are in driver’s seat in the AAC west and IF they get to the AAC Championship and win their probable ranking takes them past 5 more “IFs” and has them in the Peach Bowl on January 1………..RAT POISON for the fans and players!    Houston comes in 4-2 with some solid wins and a much-needed home game.  Great recipe to beat a ranked opponent!  The Cougars do have their work cut out after being spanked on the road by Tulsa last week and a date with #17 South Florida next week.  HC Major Applewhite ( of Texas fame ) will pull off the win and have Memphis fans back selling Velvet Elvis Art on I-40 and still noting they are the BEST TEAM IN TENNESSEE!!! (which this year is like saying you are the best snow skier in Alabama……..Maybe true, but what you gonna do with that!!).    Plus, ZT just likes Cougars!!!!!!