The Padre completed his “Gator Sacrifice” and has determined, without a doubt, that UF will have a new HC very soon! Noting he (and the Gator faithful) want to go back to “olden times” when UF was an offensive powerhouse, the Padre wore a Gazelle-Skin outer garment and beat himself with an old Lane Kiffin playbook to make sure his request was divinely communicated. This also generated the following week 10 prognostications….
Mizzou 30 Florida 17
That’s all I have! We lose. It’s okay. FSU and UF are competing for the WORST team in the state of Florida. It’s now a pride thing for last. Maybe Urban Meyer will come back to Gainesville?!! HA!…….I make myself laugh.
Auburn 27 Texas A & M 23
The Cow College of Alabama beats……..Uh……the Cow College of Texas?
Clemson 31 N C State 23
A good game, but Clemson’s defense gets 2 turnovers in the 4th for a good road win to pretty much wrap up the division. Dabo then holds a Billy Graham-like crusade and 30,000 Wolfpack fans are baptised……..making it, once again, IMPOSSIBLE to dislike Dabo! Seriously, does anyone dislike him?
Oklahoma State 37 Oklahoma 30
Mullet HC:1 Millennial HC: 0
Va. Tech 27 Miami 24
Mark Richt’s luck runs out. After the game, Fuente has to dodge questions about the job in Gainesville. “I’m Happy in Blacksburg!” he says……..later in the week he gets a jet ski with pictures of the palm trees and sand from some pastor (not to be named but the serial # traced to a store in the Piedmont region)
BAMA 41 LSU 13
Saban’s Machine: 2 Cajun Creole: 0
Michigan State 26 Penn State 23 UPSET OF THE WEEK!!
Nothing humorus to add, but coming off the tough loss to Ohio State, the Fighting Franklins go down!
Padre off to buy some jet ski life jackets for some strange reason…..
Zimmern’s Twin spent 14 hours at a Sam’s Club to determine how many calories could be consumed from the 75-year-old ladies serving free samples at locations throughout the 40,000 square foot concrete smorgasbord. ZT got hung up at the cocktail winnie station and was escorted out when the server called for another pallet of product to her location. During the handcuffed escort, ZT had the following visions for week 10….
Memphis 38 Tulsa 34 Friday Night ( got one of these right last week so why not try Friday again!?!)
Best Team in Tennessee travels to Oklahoma…..Sounds like SEC vs Big 12? Well, actually an American Athletic Conference game. HC Norvell is one of the hottest name in the 2017 coaching musical chair game. So much so he called a team meeting to discuss the rumors. Simply said ” Fake News! Putin & Facebook are behind this and even Elvis knows I aint leaving cause I told him so on Tuesday!” Tulsa tends to play to the level of their competiton……after a 10-3 campaign in 2016, the Golden Hurricanes are playing more like a reverse swirl in an Australian toilet bowl at 2-7. Only been Blown Out ( no pun intended with the toilet bowl analogy ) by OK State and Tulane. ZT likes the tigers but closer than the pundits predict.
Penn State 24 Michigan State 21
ZT told you last week it was a mistake for Penn State to yell “We Want Bama” after the Michigan game with the Buckeyes next! Now HC James “Crest White Strip” Franklin has to get the Nittany Lions ready for a road trip to East Lansing! PSU basically needs help in 10 games over the next 3 weeks to make the CFP. More likely to see Bobby Knight have a book on Etiquette make the NYTimes Best Seller list. Bad thing is they actually took time to map this out!! On the other side, Sparty must win out after a heartbreaking loss to Northwestern last week. The one difference, HC Dantonio ( who we found out is a big fan of the movie Moana ) & the Spartans actually control their own destiny…..Win and in…unfortunately, your new buddy The Rock can’t play and while your defense keeps it close, PSU wins and leaves chanting “We want the Buckeyes, again!”
Auburn 34 Texas A & M 24
Dangerous week for HC “Scattered, Smothered, and Covered” Malzahn with the #1 Georgia Bulldogs on tap next week! A road game to College Station is like sending a guy on a 12-step program to Sammy Hagar’s Cabo Wabo Tequila Cantina……just not a good idea! The Aubs coming off a bye week to get ready for their final 4-game stretch. Additionally, Herbstreit says they are a “sleeper” playoff team since they still have Bama & Georgia on their Schedule. 12th Man will be very alive but for how long? He headed to a Taco Bell in the 3rd quarter of the Miss. State game last week. Add in a rumor that HC Sumlin could be at Arkansas for 2018 ( which Jerry Jones kinda likes having a guy at ARK that knows how to recruit in Texas ) and more pressure from Lawyer & Regent Tony “Slip & Fall” Buzbee. All points to another Aggie Loss.
Mizzou 31 Florida 30 CLOSE TO AN UPSET ( weird to say that with this game! )
ZT is scared to pick this game after multiple threats against him and his family. Upon further investigation, it was determined the source of the threats was from a ZT run-in at the “Chocolate Waterfall” at Golden Corral with a guy locally known as Tater Tot. Florida is in worse shape than 2-day old road kill on an Alabama highway. IHC Randy Shannon has to rally the troops for a SEC trip to Columbia, MO. Would be easier to recover from someone dropping a 16 lb. bowling ball in your lap. Mizzou has been pummeled most of the season but has outscored Idaho & UCONN by a combined 120-33 the last 2 weeks. Mizzou gets their “signature” SEC win this week but is close!
FSU 27 Syracuse 23
Orange Dream Killers smell more blood as they come to Tallahassee to find a bunch of Seminoles ready to surrender. FSU currently trying to see if they can actually play UL-Lafayette ( due to a Hurricane cancellation ) on 12/2 but more of their fans want to go to some fall festival and the security company says this event would be a better show. On the other side, been a while since seeing a 4-4 Syracuse team so excited about life! Love the moxie of the Carrier Dome Kids! Doesn’t matter that FSU has tossed in the towel, the Orangemen want this one! Kinda like punching Mr. T when he is 86 years old, didn’t really accomplish much but you can say you did it! Syracuse will take a moral victory because 4-4 teams do that!!
Georgia 37 South Carolina 14
Well, Well, Well……Georgia Bulldogs are Ranked # 1!!!! How will they respond to all the media and the dose of their own Rat Poison. Personally, ZT thinks they handle it pretty well but they do have one of their nemeses, the Auburn Tigers, next week. All this sets up for the Gamecocks to keep this game a little closer than conventional wisdom. Coach Smart makes some great halftime adjustments and Georgia pulls away in the 4th. HC Hulk Mushchamp goes after a ref over a targeting call and is bitten 62 times by UGA IX. UGA IX does not live through the night after a toxic reaction to Muschamp’s spray tan solution.
Clemson 28 NC State 18
Who needs a great QB when you have a defense like Clemson? The only scare Dabo will have this week is the one they gave him at a team meeting on 10/31 ( see the YouTube). Wolfpack got its ” Oh yeah, we ARE NC State” wake up call last week and will get completely pulled back into reality this week. Rock beats Scissors and Tigers beat Wolves……Wolfpack HC Doeren says the same thing he said after the Louisville win ” I told you this was coming, some of you believed me, some of you didn’t!” just a little different meaning this Saturday!
Oklahoma 38 Ok State 37 UPSET IN STILLWATER
Merriam-Webster defines BEDLAM as “an asylum for the mental ill” and ” a place, scene, or state of uproar and confusion.
HMMM…….the first one fits for sure as you have a HC with a mullet in 2017. Only other one still around is Billy Ray Cyrus and only because Miley told him it was ok to keep his! Add to this fact that Stillwater is the home of the National Wrestling Hall of Fame and Museum!!!..NICE!!! Maybe the Undertaker will be at the game……….Oh, ZT was thinking this would have items like Dusty Rhodes Million Dollar Elbow pad and a sound room with The Nature Boy Rick Flair yelling WHOOOOA!!! in Bose Stereo. Come to find out it is for those want-a-be Olympic types. Oh well, back to the game. Think this one is decided on Big Plays and hard not to believe the OK State defense isn’t the difference maker. Key is Oklahoma’s ability to control the ball and near the end, this will be tipping point. Baker Mayfield goes to midfield to drive an axle off the Sooner Schooner into the ground and strikes oil, OK State Alumni T Boone Pickens immediately says he will buy the stadium ( not recognizing he already owns it ) and build the Cowboys a Dome next to the 7 Clans Paradise Casino in Red Rock. Just can’t see this guy winning today……
Bama 31 LSU 14
Hard to beat Little Nicky after a bye week and on his birthday week. Saban also picked up an additional $10,000,000 per year when his agent left a stuffed toy gator at the entrance door to the Alabama Athletic offices on Sunday night. Coach O found the head of his favorite stuffed tiger in his bed on the same morning. Some interesting stats….Alabama has only trailed for 2 minutes and 26 seconds in their first 480 minutes of the 2017 campaign. No wonder Saban said the toughest games are yet to come and he is right! Add to this that the LSU defense has been very stingy with only 7 TD’s allowed in the last 13 games. So….1st half will be tight but believe Bama just has too much talent to let this one get away. After the game, Coach O says something that is deciphered by the FBI as ” I am going to marinate my chicken”…..big uproar by Diocese of New Orleans over the “inappropriate comments” until they realize he really was getting on the team bus and was seen putting a quartered up chicken in a bowl of Tony Chachere Seasoning.
Miami 27 Va Tech 24 Upset Special
Wow….UM is convinced they are being completely disrespected by the CFP who slotted the 7-0 Hurricanes in the 10th Slot! Good news, HC Richt has a chance to take care of that with a win at home over the Hokies on Saturday and another home victory against ND next week. Not easy, but Sebastian the Ibis and the Canes control their own destiny!! The #13 Hokies are formidable and only a loss to Clemson in September has them out of the Top 10. Richt reminds the Big Guy Upstairs that even though he coaches at Convict U, he was in the 2006 movie Facing the Giants and that should count for something. Petition heard, Win granted. After the game, HC Fuente ( who is also being touted as a potential Gator HC) goes to Mango’s on South Beach, then books a room at The Clevelander ( who actually sleeps there? ) to forget about the loss. He is not seen in Blacksburg until Wednesday and says his Uber driver took him to Gainesville and held him at gunpoint in a Hooters for 3 days. When reported to police, UF AD Striklin removes him from the list.
ZT is returning to the National Peanut Festival in southeast Alabama to defend his title as the Funnel Cake eating champion for the past 4 years. This is akin to the CFP for Competitive Eating ( which is set to be a 2028 Olympic Sport ) and a 5th title could warrant an invite to Coney Island on July 4th 2018!