The Padre is organizing a continuous vigil for Gator fans until a new Head Coach is selected. Beginning the night of the SEC Championship, a group of 35 ( Being this is the least acceptable Points Per Game Average the Gator Nation will accept in a new Head Coach ) will gather and burn 1 of the Ninja Gator Uniforms nightly emitting a dark gray smoke until a new OFFENSIVELY MINDED HC is selected. At that moment, every athlete in the State of Florida who can run a sub 4.3 40-yd dash will be offered a scholarship!!
Now that the Padre has momentarily cleared his mind of Gator Anxiety, he has visions as follows:
Washington 30 Stanford 13
Huskies mark their territory on that Tree!
South Carolina 34 Florida 10
JUST MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE!! JUST MAKE IT STOP!!
Ohio State 34 Michigan State 17
I would have picked Sparty in this one if Ohio State didn’t lose to Iowa, but Meyer rarely loses 2 in a row! On Tuesday, ESPN starts discussing how the Buckeyes are “the best 2 loss team in the country!”
UCF – Hello Scott Frost UCONN – From the Gator Nation
Georgia 20 Auburn 16
I keep jumping back and forth on this one, but I really believe Georgia finds a way. Kirby’s Forrest Gump’s son’s haircut is more powerful than Malzahn’s juicy fruit.
Bama 37 Miss State 20
Miss State plays hard, but depth & talent win out. When asked about Auburn during the presser, Saban says ” We aren’t even thinking about Auburn. We have a good Mercer team coming into town next week!”
TCU 30 Oklahoma 27
Hey Gary Patterson! What ya up to in 2018? Sincerely, Gator Nation
Notre Dame 34 Miami 24
Can we really still call this Catholics vs. Convicts? or with Protestant HC Mark Richt, more like Rome, Italy vs. Rome, GA?
Iowa 23 Wisconsin 20 UPSET OF THE WEEK
3 yards and a cloud of Hawkeye!!!
The Padre is returning to his Gator Coach Prayer closet until next week.
Zimmern’s Twin is practicing for the 2018 Bacon Eating Championship and hoping to knock off Joey Chestnut who downed 7.75 lbs. in 8 minutes in the 2017 contest. ZT noted, “Done it many times at the Waffle House around 1am, back in the day, and that was with a double order of scattered, smothered, covered, and chunked and a Pecan waffle.”
With the National Peanut Festival in town, ZT consumed 3 Corn Dogs, 1 Funnel Cake, a Roasted Ear of Corn, a donut double cheeseburger and a fried ball of butter. This allowed ZT to go to a “quiet stall” and in only a few hours come up with these prognostications:
Washington 27 Stanford 20 ( Yep, another Friday Game—> no it’s not high school! )
Well, only on the left coast but read where UW’s new contract with Nike allows the Huskies to inspect the Nike overseas factories. On the surface, sounds like a typical liberal deal. ZT thinks it is absolutely BRILLIANT!! How about the recruiting opportunities that could come out of these inspections. Mostly for men’s gymnastics, golf, baseball, and maybe a kicker but a competitive advantage none-the-less! For the Cardinal, test between the Heisman Hopeful RB Bruce Love vs. a very tough Husky defense. Stanford HC David Shaw noted “they are very big and very physical” follow by “but we are much smarter”…..When asked by a reporter to expand on this, Shaw said “3 of our players were talking to some UW engineers about designing a probe to explore the sun. The UW students asked my boys how they would deal with the intense heat. My boys told them ( as HC Shaw beams with pride ) they planned to launch it at night!”……….I have heard enough……Huskies win! ( Sat AM Update…..ZT should just stay away from the left coast on Thursday/Friday when it comes to picking football! )
South Carolina 28 Florida 14
Interesting back stories to this game……SC HC & former UF Coach Muschamp with a chance to kick the Gators very hard while they are down! UF fans could really care less at this point and more worried about who AD Scott ” Yes I do look like Neil Patrick Harris” Stricklin will hire as the new HC. Very noticeable lack of enthusiasm in last week’s drubbing by Mizzou. No reason to believe anything will be different this week. IHC Randy Shannon has the Gators watch the Rick Flair 30 on 30 which only causes the team to drink 10 beers & 5 mixed drinks before the game and yell “WOOOOOOOOO!” after each play. Getting caught up in the moment, Hulk Muschamp challenges Randy Shannon to a cage match……Randy says he doesn’t care either and forfeits.
Miami 30 Notre Dame 28 Upset Special
Saved Convicts vs. Catholics……Hurricanes vs. Parted Seas…….Acts of God vs. The Pope….A lot of angles with this one!…. ‘Canes are back and several solid indicators including a) its November and Miami is undefeated, b) the Gold Chain U, c) the old fans are back ( as noted by the 10 year-old MOLD on their apparel ), and most of all, d) ESPN GAME DAY is in town for the 1st time in 10 YEARS!!!! Lot of pressure on The U but they appear to be ready. Most of the smart pundits are going with ND. Say they look best on Paper, note QB Wimbush only needing to play average, Miami has had too many squeakers and could easily a 3 loss team, etc., etc., etc. One problem, Miami is NOT a 3-loss team and keep finding a way to win. With only :03 left in the game at the Miami 28 yd line, Irish HC Brian Kelly looks in the sky as PK Justin Yoon is about try a game winner and says ” Field Goal Jesus!”…..ball sails right and a loud voice from above says ” ONLY Touchdowns for Jesus….call on Peter for Field Goals…” After the game, reporters noted Rudy Ruettiger was arrested when he argued with a Dade County Sheriff about his car being ticketed for being over the line.
Georgia 31 Auburn 24
This is a critical SEC/CFP match up! Kirby Smart has the #1 Bulldogs ready for the November stretch. Bulldog QB Jake “from state” Fromm with support of RBs Chubb & Michel will not have an easy day but later in the game, they will be the difference. Expect the Tigers to stack the box and make the freshman QB win the game. The D-Line for Auburn is very solid. When flipping it around, AUB offense can make it happen as well but will have its toughest test to date. HC Malzahn notes the team has talked about “Championship Urgency” this week….and lots of discussion about “winning out”. ZT never likes to see that type discussion before a big game! Especially when you already have 2 losses and it appears to be “win out or you may be out” for Malzahn over the next 3 weeks. Close one, but Bulldogs win. After Game, UGA IX bites Tanya Harding as she was going after Nick Chubb’s knee with a bat. UGA holds her down until security cuffs her. As she is being carted out she is heard yelling ” Harvey Updyke (infamous poison tree man), paid me to do this!!!!
Clemson 31 FSU 10
Dabo is on a mission…..that mission is to annihilate the Seminoles. FSU will come out fired up for a “recovery victory” in what amounts to a lost season. That used to be called winning for pride but haven’t seen that by FSU lately, who is fighting to become bowl eligible. WHAT? FSU fighting to be bowl eligible? Yep….that’s where they are. Clemson is still very much in the CFB hunt at #4 and now that they have a full supply of towels ( word is NC State stole some from their sideline last week ), they will enjoy the domination of FSU. In the post game presser, Dabo says ” I just want all Native Americans to know this beating on the field today is nothing personal. I am from Alabama and the Creek Indians runs some great casinos and I have always loved LaCrosse….so much so that I bought a Buick LaCrosse. Also, thanks for inventing popcorn!……I also like Cracker Jacks” The microphone suddenly went dead and when video is later reviewed, the Clemson AD is noted pulling the plug.
Kansas State 31 West Virginia 28
Well, Well, Well…..Old Guy Snyder vs. Dana ” Mugshot” Holgorsen ( see his “official” pic on WVUsports.com below ). HC Dana says he is the CEO of the WV football program. Looks like a guy just arrested for a Title Pawn violation. Sorry, maybe too personal. On the KState side, HC Bill Snyder has had 30,000 seats removed from Bill Snyder Family Stadium and replace with a new “senior friendly” zone that is enclosed, serves warm oatmeal, hard-boiled eggs, baked apples, and a collection of hot, brothy soups. Also has a 2 fan to 1 stall bathroom ratio and free life-alert medallians for all. Noted over 70% of the fans in this section asked for warm milk and a checker board during half time. Sorry, got sidetracked…..about the game…… late in the 4th Quarter, KState lines up in the Notre Dame Box, snaps it to RB Barnes on a power sweep and catches the Mountaineers with their muskets unloaded! After the game, Snyder falls asleep at the podium during the presser and only awakens when someone yells “Shuffleboard at 8!”
Coach “Mugshot” Holgorsen
Bama 31 Miss State 21
Cowbells are SO loud in Starkville that even Larry Culpepper says he will only sell Dr. Pepper OUTSIDE Davis Wade Stadium. It can make a Metalica concert seem like Yoga music. Bulldogs will be the toughest game of 2017 for the TIDE. ZT believes State will be leading at the half as HC Mullen is one of the most consistent in the business and he has an excellent QB in Nick Fitzgerald. Key for Bama will be to EFFECTIVELY run the ball and keep the Bulldog offense on the sideline. With the Bama Defense deep into the LB corps from injuries, ball control is a must if Bama is to get out of Starkville with a W. 2 Diversions in this one. 1st, Mullen is being tossed around as a Gator HC candidate 2nd, Saban continues a 4 day rant about how he is NOT a doctor so why do reporters ask him about injuries. Last heard saying “If I was a doctor, I would be working in a hospital instead of coaching football and I love coaching football. Although if I was a doctor I would go back and understand why Georgia Southern ran through us like Sh&t through a tin horn because I still don’t know why that happen a few years ago……I got to go and get ready for Mercer….”
ZT, when asked about his current physique says ” I’m not fat but I am not really thin either. Basically, I am at the point where you can definitely tell I like food from the fair!” Now back to my “quiet stall”