Letting Mizzou hang 50 on you will cause the AD to empty the trashcan immediately!!
Also UT, just in case you didn’t know…..Gruden AIN’T coming to Knoxville……….
Update……Gruden has spoken as follows: ” It’s like this UT fans, have you ever listened to the Meatloaf song ‘ 2 out of 3 ain’t bad’? SO, 1) you want me 2) you need me BUT.. 3) I ain’t ever gonna love you or come there!”……….SO 2 out of 3 ain’t bad!
Keep searching Rocky Top!
The Padre has coordinated a Olympic-like torch run across America to get Chip Kelly to Gainesville! UF fans are carrying a picture of Chip Kelly in a Blue & Orange robe with a crown & being carried on a throne by Chris Collinsworth, Emmitt Smith, Tim Tebow and Wilbur Marshall.
As all will notice, Padre is having a difficult time focusing on much other than Chip Kelly…..
Florida 23 UAB 20
“O Chip, O Chip…Where art thou Chip?!”
Wisconsin 24 Michigan 17
Michigan plays them very hard, but the Badgers get a late INT as Michigan is driving to to tie it up. After the game, Jim Harbaugh tells the press ” I think Chip Kelly would be a GREAT coach at Florida.”
LSU 34 Tennessee 17
“ROCKY TOP, you’ll always be Gruden’s side-flirt to me!”
Bama 7,679 Mercer 4
After the game, Saban tells the press, ” I really hope Chip goes to Florida so someone in the SEC can challenge me!”
West Virginia 41 Texas 31
After the game, QB Will Grier says ” I love it here at West Virginia, but if Chip Kelly goes to Florida, I will transfer back to Gainesville!”
Padre NOW goes back to taking TUMS every 5 minutes as he refreshes the Gator Insider Message Boards in hopes of breaking news………
ZT is trying a variation of the “ice-cube diet” ( nothing to do with actor/rapper Ice Cube ) where one eats ice cubes to trick the body into thinking it is food ( didn’t work for ZT ). The ZT version is to take a McDonald’s Happy Meal, Ninja-Blend it, pour it into a pan, and cube it. 2 weeks in and only gained 4 pounds, which is an indicator of success as it is a reduction of ZT’s normal weight gain as he “Bulk’s Up” for Thanksgiving…..so here we go!
West Virginia 31 Texas 21
Longhorns bragging bout how they have 2nd hardest schedule in the country….that, I assume is supposed to be cover for a 5-4 record. They then quickly note all their injuries. Doesn’t sound like the Proud Texas we all used to know! Former UF QB Will Grier will lead the Mountaineers at hoe to a win after a pair of bounce back wins ( Iowa State & K State ) after a beating by Ok State. HC Dana “Mugshot” Holgorsen ( see last weeks blog as his mug is too vile for a 2nd posting ) will take Bevo to a local Arby’s before the game. WV will then have his picture flashed on the Mountaineer Projection System ( LED’s haven’t made it to WV yet ) every 5 minutes with James Earl Jones yelling ” We Have the Meat!” to further distract the Texas boys! After the game, WV releases Bevo and the team goes to the student center to watch Heidi on the schools new VCR.
Arizona 34 Oregon 31
HC Rich Rod ( Almost all Thanksgiving prayers at Alabama tables begin with ” Thank you Father for Agent Jimmy Sexton calling on behalf fo Nick while Rich Rod’s wife was bad mouthing Tuscaloosa….” ) notes he wasn’t happy about some AZ recruits signing with Oregon. Says he doesn’t really know Ducks HC Willie Taggart but says he did meet him on a USO trip with Al Franken one time. Wildcat QB Khalil Tate is the real deal and getting better by the week. Ducks have lost 4 of last 5 and hard to see, even at home, them turning it around this week. A tipping point for ZT is one of their website lead stories was about how well they played in a loss to Auburn in the 2011 Championship. Smells like moral victory talk to me and ZT doesn’t believe in that unless you are Mercer or worse. Also, Taggart emerged as a possible Gator HC so Wildcats in a close one! At the presser, Taggart is noted to be wearing an UnderArmour T-shirt….Phil Knight rushes the podium but Taggart “drops em” and shows a pair of Nike Swooshes on the left check with ” Just Do It” on the right. Knight stops, sheds a tear, and yells ” I love you Man!”
Florida 31 UAB 17
Are you kidding me? Gators are not even sure who they are playing this week! Currently over 9,438 UF families have invited Chip Kelly or anyone who has ever friended him on Facebook to join them in Gainesville for Thanksgiving. The Blazers are no slouch at 7-3 and HC Bill Clark has been named a finalist for Coach of the Year and deserves it! Most don’t realize, in the first season back from 2 year hiatus, UAB only needs 1 more win to have their best season EVER. It’s a great story, almost like Cinderella…….but Cinderella was a fairytale and so is the prediction of a UAB win ( Note the UAB mascot is a mythical fire-breathing dragon, if you get my drift! ). UF players and HC Randy Shannon will NOT let this happen!! At the presser, Shannon walks out after the first 8 questions are about Chip Kelly. He takes Louis C.K. ( who had nowhere else to go ) and they head to the Cafe Risque south of Gainesville that is advertised as ” Like Denny’s with a Twist”
Miss State 34 Arkansas 19
This game should be called the RUMOR BOWL!! Does Mullen go to Florida? Ark AD fired so Bielema’s seat just got even hotter. They actually note the Razorbacks’ record as 33-40 overall and 13-33 in the SEC “SINCE PETRINO’s MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT”……talk about having a hard time letting it go!! While the Hogs ain’t going bowling, Bulldogs in great shape for a nice one! First things first…got to make it happen in Fayetteville and not look to the Egg Bowl with Ole Miss next week. The more stable scenario is Mullen loving his situation at MSU so look for the Bulldogs to gut the Hogs. After the game, Bielema is overheard trying to order a Harley and says “yea, just like Petrinos”. Mullen has his agent send Bielema a chopper with the bonus $$$$ he gets for staying in Starkville.
LSU 31 Tennessee 17
Brady Hoke ( LB at Ball State and, oh yes, former Michigan HC ) will be leading the remnants of the Volunteers into a battle against Coach O and the Cajun Tigers. Rain in the forecast won’t help much as LSU RB’s Key & Guice will likely batter the SEC’s worse run defense. 7-4 Tigers can elevate their bowl game by winning this one & next week over TEX A & M. Word is IHC Hoke is going to keep the now infamous & ineffective trash can on the sideline. His instructions to the equipment manager is ” throw it at any LSU RB or WR that breaks one…..at least it will have some use.” Says the 15-yd penalty is worth it to prevent the score. Works in the 4th quarter and this one ends a little closer than the pundits believe. Post game, LSU cheerleaders take the trashcan, fill it with moonshine and advise they will have it finished before the bus crosses into Mississippi!
AUBURN 45 ULM 6
OK…IRON BOWL is next week and newest rumor on the net is MALZAHN to ARKANSAS?? Word is he is not overly happy and some AUBs have noted if he loses to Bama again he should go ( ZT thinks this is a pile of garbage that should be stored in the old Butch Jones sideline trashcan. Auburn is a better job than Arkansas at this time so why do it?? ). So, what does all this mean for the 4-5 Warhawks? Nothing really….many 2nd & 3rd teamers will be on the field early for the Tigers but those guys are good and hungry for some playing time!! After the game, the entire UL-Monroe team and their 174 fans at Jordan-Hare put on their ULM 21 Bama 14 T-shirts from 2007 and chant ” We want Bama ” for over 2 hours!!!
Texas A & M 38 Ole Miss 35 UPSET SPECIAL 1
Coaching Bowl?? Aggies need a win to keep Sumlin in place and Ole Miss IHC Luke needs to win out to have a long-shot at staying in Oxford. Expect Tex A & M to run more but with enough passing to keep the defense honest. For the Rebels/Bears/General Akbars/whatever…..HOT QB Jordan Ta’amu ( family name attributed to the Lion King Movies by Ancestory.com ) for Ole Miss is averaging over 40 points a game in his first 3 starts. They were against ARK, KY, And LA Lafayette but still not shabby! At the end of the night, Ole Miss fans substitute a “Hotty Toddy” for “Give me another shot and a Head Coach ” as the Aggies take the win.
Michigan 24 Wisconsin 20 Upset Special 2
Short story: Camp Randall fans have a revolt when concession stands run out of Brats and Cheddar Cubes at the end of the 1st quarter. Michigan wins after recovering nicely from the Penn State ( where is James Smiley Franklin lately? ) pummeling a few weeks back. After the game, HC Harbaugh goes to midfield while House of Pain’s Jump Around plays and does ” the dance” in ONLY a Khaki Visor! Al Franken is photo’d acting like he is palming his right cheek.
ZT goes back to work on a new safety campaign….”Adding 20 pounds makes you harder to Kidnap”….not much traction yet but……….
Sat AM Update…..several questions why ZT didn’t predict the Bama-Mercer game….pictures speak louder than words…..