The Piedmont Padre and Zimmern’s Twin have been analyzing the Florida Gators’ Coaching situation.    The Padre sacrificed a 12-foot Everglades Gator, dressed in the special uniform worn against Texas A & M, in an effort to receive some divine clarity on the subject.   ZT took a seat in a Bean Bag Chair and spent 12 hours eating 100 Hot Wings, a 24-Pack of Cheetos ( fried, not baked ), and a case of the new Budweiser 1933 Repeal Reserve Beer to also gain something…..

Based on the above, the following are the Top Candidates for UF AD  Scott Stricklin:

NCAA Football: Mississippi State at Texas A&M

Dan Mullen is a leading candidate…….Knows Florida, Knows Stricklin, Knows Visors.

Scott Frost UCF

Scott Frost of UCF…….Knows Florida, Knows the Talent in the State, makes Muschamp’s veins look like those little purple ones in old folk’s ankles! Actually MAKES Death Threats!

Coach Boone - Titans

Coach Boone would be an unexpected but SOLID choice!!  No question his Press Conferences would rival Little Nicky!!

Most of the remaining “Picks” came from ZT after finishing the 1933 Repeal Reserve…..

waterboy - Coach KleinGot to move Quick on Coach Klein……word is Tennessee is all over him!!

waterboy - Coach Red Beaulieu

Coach Red Beaulieu likely waits to see what happens with Coach O at LSU but…..

Blind Side Coach

After losing multiple QB’s & wanting more Gator Hot Moms,  could work!!!  But FSU thinks they have a way to get Michael Oher’s Cousin to come protect their QB and have promised Coach Burt the Ole Miss job in 3 years if he will come on board as an “analyst” now!

longest yard - reynolds

Coach Nate Scarborough of Longest Yard fame would be a great fit with the number of continuing UF suspensions.   And with Richt now at Miami, the convicts got to go somewhere!

Butch Jones

I am cheap,  am only 1 game behind Harbaugh, and my Mom Loves Me!!!!!

Replacements Hackman

Great choice with all the 2nd & 3rd Teamers playing this year….Coach Jimmy McGinty would be a SOLID short-term play but think UF has a longer-term vision.    Also, no one really wants a QB with a name that sounds that close to FLACCO.

Varsity Blues - Coach

Coach Bud Kilmer has an attitude like Spurrier and he would also open up the Gators to better recruiting in Texas.   Word is he has been talking to Texas A & M Regent Tony “I tweeted that Varsity Blues should have won an Oscar ” Buzbee since the UCLA game.  Currently  happy practicing his Painkiller Injections into Armadillos and hitting them with a 1-Iron.

Nick Saban Coke

Nick ain’t leaving but his agent simply sends a TEXT Message to President Bell and AD Byrne that says ” Gators”…..within 20 minutes Saban has a new contract worth another $10 million per year.    When asked if he was really considering it, Nick says “Ask the Coke Bottle”

north-dallas-forty- Nick Nolte and Mac Davis

If they stick with Randy Shannon, hoping they can generate some offense going with QB Seth Maxwell ( Mac Davis ) and WR Phillip Elliott ( Nick Nolte )….

ZT thought he saw a burning bush and was focused on a direct word…..turns out it was the Padre burning the rest of the Gator “special” uniforms……..

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