WEEK 9 CFB – Sifting out the Chaff

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Piedmont Padre is going to the highest NC Mountain to discern about the Georgia/Florida game as well as search for clarity on Coach Mac’s death threats.

Georgia  41   Florida  13

This will get ugly in the 2nd Half as Georgia is more talented, has better depth, and better coaching than Florida.  Gator defense will play hard for a while, but the lack of help from the offense will lead to a steam rolling later.   Hey, at least FSU stinks too!  I ‘m sure if Mac wasn’t receiving death threats for real last week, he will be getting them now!

West Virginia 44  Oklahoma State 43

In a classic shootout, old WAC style, Will Grier throws a TD pass as time expires to win this game.  After the game, his stats are 415 yards passing with 5 TD’s.  After seeing this, Great Gator Spiritual Father Steve Spurrier looks at all the Gator Nation by turning his head like that Native American from the commercial about the trash……..and sheds a tear!

crying indian

Notre Dame 27   NC State 20

NC State hangs in there and has the ball on a late drive to tie……..BUT SUDDENLY, from out of nowhere, the sun shines perfectly on Touchdown Jesus and reflects directly into the eyes of NC State’s QB as he is trying to throw to a wide-open WR for a 1st down on 4th down.  The ball sails high and Notre Dame wins!  Up in Heaven, Saint Peter looks at Paul and says ” that’s how the original Apostles do it, Saul!”

Ohio State 23  Penn State 20

I struggled with this game A LOT as I think Penn State will play well, but ultimately, with a week off, I believe the Urbanator finds a way.  And every Florida fan turns their head sideways back at Spurrier………..and sheds a tear!

UPSET OF THE WEEK

Iowa State 24   TCU 23

Iowa State wins by blocking a FG at the end of the game.  The Cyclones celebrate all night on the Skunk River…….seriously, the campus is on the Skunk River!  I don’t know if that’s cool or not cool.  Does it smell?  Like who came up with that name?  That’s like someone naming a lake “Stink Bug Lake.”  Anyway, it’s a PARTY ON THE FAMOUS SKUNK!!

 

Zimmern’s Twin is attending a fried food festival and explaining why EXTRA gluten can be really good for you!

FRIDAY NIGHT IS FOR HIGH SCHOOLS ( and the ACC!! )

Boston College Eagles 28  Florida State Seminoles 24

Gang…..before you call your Bookie or go on-line to bet your utility bill, ZT is 0-4 in the past 2 weeks on the NON-Saturday college games.   That said for transparency…

Florida State is a team that is more fragile than a Hollywood marriage or an iPhone 8 in a pot of water.  A puff of wind from a Massachusetts Nor’easter will send the Noles packing.   The fact the eagles can pressure the QB make this just what FSU doesn’t need.  Fair to note James Cook, brother of former FSU Nole Dalvin Cook just signed with Georgia.  Just another scoop of sand in the FSU 2017 Grave!   HC Fisher is found in a Motel 6 with 18 essential oil diffusers on Sunday. Upon entering the room, the EMT’s noted he was chanting ” we wanted Bama, we wanted Bama….”.  Boston College hasn’t really won over a quality team.  They say they are “on a mission from God”.  Pope Francis says he will intervene ONLY because they are playing on Friday.  If Saturday, too busy interceding for ND.”     TGIF for BC this week!!!!

Saturday Games!!!

Oklahoma State 34   West Virginia 24

OSU HC Gundy says he will add purple streaks & braid the right side of his mullet if they lose to the Mountaineers.   Cowboys just too much for  West Virginia considering this is the only state that still has a functioning Blockbuster Video Store.  Upon investigation, they spell it Blokbuster and only carry 9 VHS copies of Grizzly Adams and have 2 rental VCRs available.

Arkansas  24   Ole Miss 22  ( Low-end Upset )

Bielema, Bielema, Bielema………………………………………no, it didn’t work  ( Bret was hoping if I said it 3 times, like in Beetlejuice, he would appear back in Wisconsin).   Ole Miss Interim HC Luke tells the media that every time he applies for the PERMANENT HC job posted last week, it comes back as “sender blocked”      Cold Day in Oxford better suited for Hogs than the Hotty Toddys/Rebels/Bears/Landsharks…whatever.

Ohio State 38  Penn State 23

Someone gets exposed this week in Columbus!!   Great win at home by the Nittany Lions over Michigan but they caught the ears of the Buckeyes when they began chanting “We want Bama” noting OSU was next on the schedule.   BAD MOVE for 2 reasons:  1st, you really DON’T want Bama   2nd, you dissed Urban and the boys who already circled this game 300+ days ago.   PSU has power with Barkley & McSorely.   OSU playing well since the OK loss.    Deciding factor for  ZT?  A Nittany Lion is basically fictious but a Buckeye is real……not to mention, Franklin WAY too Cocky at this point in his Happy Valley tenure!

Georgia  31   Florida 13

This is a classic rivalry game and the “World’s largest outdoor cocktail party”.  Unfortunately, the folks in the silver britches will be the only ones who enjoy it!  Gators have done all they can with a very depleted team and just not enough to go 4 quarters with the Bulldogs.   Before the game, Coach Mac says his family has also been threatened by an ALIEN ( explained and solved later ), Putin, Kim Jong Un, Congresswoman Maxine Waters, and a guy named Vinny in a Publix parking lot.  He requested UGA IX to stay on the Gator sideline and protect him!

Notre Dame 34  NC State 20

Wolkpack comes off a bye week and they have been good under HC Doeren ( 4-0 ) in their next game.   Only problem, ND is a good team where the others were not.  Irish coming off a nice trashing of USC and now Brian Kelly has to deal with the playoff talk.  Cold weather plays a role.   Top Cardinal ( no, not Larry Fitzgerald ) ignites the special incense in the 3rd quarter and the Irish pull away!

South Carolina  28   Vandy  13

Who really cares?  Vandy calling out NO ONE and fighting to go to the Kohler Bowl since drinking the “we are a different Vandy” Kool-Aid after a 3-0 start.  Coach Hulk and the Gamecocks are 5-2 with only 1 home loss.  After the game, Muschamp bends a real anchor at midfield with his teeth!

Texas A & M  27   Miss State 24     Upset Special

Slight upset but the 12th Man can put a cowbell to shame.  I just expect the Aggies to take care of business at home.  HC Mullen and the O-line have only allowed QB Fitzgerald ( very mobile ) to be sacked 3 times!!   A win makes A & M bowl-eligible and also allows the Blow Hard Regent Tony ” I need to catch a ” Buzbee to continue eating dung!      ZT liking the 12th Man!

Kentucky  23   Tennessee  18

Butch Jones, fresh off a Bama beat down which included a plane flying over Bryant Denny stadium that read ” Butch, UR Mom Still Love YUO”  (Yes, the Bama Bubba that made this  sign really spelled YOU this way…Roll Tide ) tells the UT Administration to compare his record to Jim Harbaugh.  AD advises him to go apply to Michigan.   Kentucky got thumped last week but most fans have moved on.  If you Google Kentucky, it starts with Kentucky Basketball, then Kentucky Derby, then generic Kentucky, then Kentucky Football…….get my drift???   UT suspending RB John Kelly makes a difference so ZT going with the “fans that don’t care” team over the ” we really don’t care” team in a close one!

Bama Bye Week……Saban shoots a commercial for D-Con and then goes shopping for his Halloween costume, settling on being an Oompa Loompa.

LSU Bye Week………Coach O makes another prank call to Coach Mac in Gainesville, which now explains the “Aliens are threatening my family” comment.

Auburn Bye Week……Malzahn has the team dispersed to do a deep cleaning at his 22 Waffle House locations.   Entire team comes back, on average, 32 pounds heavier.

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