Week 9….some amazing games including the Indiana – Minnesota game ending with 2 60-yard FGs in the final 25 seconds to seal the win for Cignetti’s Hoosiers. Note, the Indiana “long range” kicker Paddy McAteer from Ireland (surely his name didn’t indicate he wasn’t originally from South Alabama ZT?!?!?!) was a transfer from the Troy Trojans (and holds their FG record at 53 yards!). Also a USC upset and Clemson’s win over Florida State in Tallahassee, adding to a memorable college football Saturday. Halloween also delivered the best costume in college football: the Padre and ZT dressed as guys who knew what they were talking about (see below!) Now November 7 brings another outstanding slate, from BYU–Utah and Texas–Missouri to Bama–LSU, Miami–Notre Dame and Georgia–Ole Miss, with playoff-style matchups from the opening kickoff through the late games. As noted by the Padre, last week was the salad, this week is the T-bone Steak weekend of CFB so enjoy!
Pigskin Prognostications Accountability Update: Very important after 3+ months of “half & quarter truths” from the recent elections to know the Padre and ZT continue to be 100% accountable for their prognostications. Padre called the USC upset while ZT called Clemson to take out FSU in Tallahassee ( Norvell had a great Sunday, 1 extra hour of sleep and $50,000,000! ). Both, as noted below, were 9-2 for the week. For the season, ZT is 60-34 with the Padre 58-36.
Padre will stay in the lead as ZT likes his performance when the Padre goes first! Readers also were polled ( by a legit polling company ) and voted 92% for the Padre to go first. The other 8% admitted they didn’t understand the question.
WEEK 10 PICKS
On paper, today is one phenomenal day of football. Here’s hoping it lands like the first Joker film instead of flopping like the second one (although I didn’t even like the first one). My Saturday of football will begin at Noon and end sometime around 11:00pm – or later. I am sure when my wife married me 20 years ago, this is how she dreamed of spending her Autumn weekends. Instead of quietly driving through the Appalachians to look at the Fall foliage, we are sitting on the couch and yelling through the TV at 19-year-olds who make more money than I will ever make. She can call me her “Couch Romeo.”
Now for the picks from the couch…
The first set of games are the appetizers. They are intriguing but not the reason we woke up on Saturday….but we will watch!
Oklahoma vs Florida: Yes, my Gators and Oklahoma are part of the appetizers portion. These are the chips and queso — but like the offenses for both teams, the cheese this time is bland and flat. I truly think my Gators could lose, but I’ll take them at home. Florida-24, Oklahoma-23.
Clemson vs Syracuse: Here comes that veggie and fruit tray. And in the spirit of all the orange, my wife is telling me I need to eat some carrots. Fine — I’ll try them. And like the ones at Buffalo Wild Wings, you eat a few. They are okay. And the Tigers “okay” their way to a victory. Clemson-26, Syracuse-24.
Texas A&M vs South Carolina: Speaking of B-Dubs, now comes some hot wings to get the party going. On this day, A&M can’t handle the Sellers Hot Sauce Special. Gamecocks-30, Texas A&M-16.
West Virginia vs Texas Tech: To help with the heat from those Sellers Specials, in comes the celery. One bite is enough. And on this fantastic day, with many options, one or two plays of this game are enough as well. Tech-44, West Virginia-17.
Iowa vs Northwestern: The next game is like corn (for Iowa)…but not just regular corn. That corn that has “stuff” all in it. You turn to someone, hoping it is the person who made it, and you say, “What all is in this?” And sadly, it’s not the person who made it, so they say, “Looks like different stuff.” You sigh and put a little on your plate. And after you take a spoonful of it, like Northwestern’s new stadium, it’s better than expected…but you still aren’t sure if you like it. It’s fine. Well, I am not sure if I am that interested in this game or these teams…but I will watch…a little. Iowa finds a way. Children of the Corn-23, Chicago City Slickers-20.
UCLA vs Minnesota: And, for the last appetizer, we have Minnesota Sushi (yes, that is a real thing). It is an appetizer made by wrapping dill pickles in ham and cream cheese, then slicing them into bite-sized pieces. That sounds horrific to me, but to each their own! And because of a Minnesota letdown, I think the Bruins slice up the Gophers. UCLA-34, Minnesota-13.
THE REAL FOOD IS NOW AVAILABLE!!!
Oregon vs Ohio State: Now comes the “main course” type meals. This game was supposed to be the steak when the year began. Well, while not a steak, it is a plate of nice sliders. A beat-up Ohio State is reeling, but I think they scratch their way to a big home win against the Ducks. Ohio State-23, Oregon-17.
BYU vs Utah: What goes down well with a Holy War? Well, in a great contradiction to the game’s title, as we eat those sliders, let’s have a great Belgian beer (yes, every now and then and very rarely, I have a beer). In particular, I prefer a Belgian beer named Chimay (Blue). And guess what? True story — Chimay is made in an abbey and supervised by monks, with the bulk of the profits going to charity. So, if any beer is okay for this game, I guess it is this one. A few weeks ago, I thought it was clear that BYU is better. I am not sure that is the case anymore. The Utes win a close one at home. Utah-27, BYU-23.
Texas vs Missouri: Now comes the beef brisket! The debate: which one? Texas or Missouri style? Well, while the “burnt ends” of Mizzou sound appealing, I think Meemaw’s (from Young Sheldon) brisket pulls it out. Arch actually plays well. Texas-23, Mizzou-20.
Kentucky vs Tennessee: once again, while I will rarely have a beer (like once or twice a year max), some people at this point will stop for a bit to get the harder stuff. Not my thing, but out of respect for the impact it has on both these state economies, I will give those beverages a nod. This is a battle between Kentucky Bourbon and Tennessee Whiskey. While I am not into either, Chris Stapleton (whom I like a lot) sang a song titled “Tennessee Whiskey.” So, in honor of him, and because it is at Neyland, I am taking the Vols. Tennessee-26, Kentucky-17.
Georgia vs Ole Miss: Are you sick from food and drink overload yet? Well, suck it up, buttercup! This is a college football Thanksgiving-like feast! With that Turkey Day comment, let us shift to turkey — but this one is deep-fried. So, more accurately, suck it up, Butterball! Last week, Georgia gave my Gators their annual reminder of who is in charge. We used to own them, but now we are a wholly owned subsidiary of the University of Georgia — Athens, GA 30602. I know Ole Miss is a trendy pick here, but I think Georgia learned their lesson eating too much turkey before Auburn. They take one bite of that leg for some protein, and then they feast on some land shark. Georgia-34, Ole Miss-20.
Bama vs LSU: Now comes the steak we have been waiting for all day. With Saban gone, this game may not have the super fancy steakhouse reputation it had a few years ago, but it is still a good cut! Instead of going out and getting dressed up for that fancy restaurant, you decide to stay home and grill that steak on the fire in the backyard. Sounds good to me! Every bone in my body says LSU is better than Bama, and that the country is mad that Bama is #5 in the CFP, but I got a feeling the Tide surprise. Bama-27, LSU-24.
Miami vs Notre Dame: And lastly, we come to dessert. The options? – Fresh Florida Key Lime Pie….or….the richer Irish Bread Pudding. All of my UF friends think I am crazy, but I don’t hate Miami like most Gators. In fact, I will be pulling for them to beat the Irish! But in the end, while Irish Bread Pudding may leave you feeling heavy and tired (like how Notre Dame always getting the benefit of the doubt does to us fans), I still have to go with the pudding. Miami fights hard….but the healthier team, and unhealthier dessert, wins in the end. Notre Dame-30, Miami-23.
My hope for you today? – May this day bring you football joy. May Kirby Smart decide to go the NFL. And may FSU hire Billy Napier. Go in peace.
Gator out.
ZT is ready as he was in TX and consumed over 1.5 lbs. of meat in preparation for the Padre’s “Steak Week”. Will note ZT using the CFP rankings this week as it was more watched than the other Tuesday event this week.
#9 BYU Cougars vs #3 Utah Utes 11am
The Holy War is back, which means “love thy neighbor” is suspended until somebody checks the final score. ZT expects this one to have the emotional stability of Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation—one bad call and the whole family is standing in the yard. BYU QB Bear Bachmeier (12 TDs, 4 INTs ) and Utah QB Devon Dampier (18 TDs , 69.6% completions) need their best games of the year. 1st time these 2 have met as Top 10 teams…. Utes 27 Hug a Cougar 23
#7 Texas Longhorns vs #18 Missouri Tigers 11am
Texas–Missouri has the makings of a barbecue showdown: plenty of smoke beforehand, but somebody still has to prove there’s meat on the plate. Arch Manning heads to the Show-Me State, where Missouri fans would prefer he show them his punting team. ZT predicts the Longhorns’ defense containing Jamal Roberts and Manning making enough plays against Missouri’s vulnerable pass defense to escape Columbia. Longhorns 24 Les Mizzerable 20
#8 UCLA Bruins vs Minnesota Golden Gophers 11am
UCLA–Minnesota gets an 11 a.m. start, giving ZT just enough time to locate the remote and question his life choices. ZT respects the Gophers: any animal that tears up a perfectly good yard and pays no property taxes has life figured out. ZT expects UCLA running back Wayne Knight to keep the chains moving and the Bruins’ stingy defense to make Minnesota quarterback Drake Lindsey earn every yard in this one. Bruins 24 Diggy Smalls 21
Clemson Tigers vs Syracuse Orangemen 11am
Dabo on the road for the 2nd week after pulling off the FSU upset while the Orangemen look to build off their upset wins over UNC & SMU. Like what HC Fran “I live in a Van ” Brown has done at Syracuse ( former GA Assistant ) but afraid the Tigers will make this more like “Pulp Fiction”… Tigers 28 Orange Julius 21
Texas A & M Aggies vs South Carolina Gamecocks 2pm
South Carolina fans treat a Gamecock win like finding an extra biscuit in the Bojangles bag—suddenly everybody’s day has turned around! Expect SC QB LaNorris “I rinse with Lavoris” Sellers’ ability to run and throw to make the difference against the Aggies’ defense. Gamecocks 31 More Agony 20
#5 Bama vs #14 LSU Tigahs 230pm
Bama–LSU is like the old Professional Wrestling “Loser leave Town” match. ZT wants a written apology at halftime from whoever promised this would be relaxing. Reality, loser will be in either Birmingham or Shreveport in December with about ½ their current team and 1/3 of their fan base. Tigahs pummeled Auburn and MSU after the UK OT loss….Bama needed a rest and we will see how they handled the bye week. Upset on the Bayou Bama 28 Tigahs 27
#23 Oregon Ducks vs. #12 THE Ohio State Buckeyes 230pm
Oregon–Ohio State will be a bit like singing: “Livin’ on a Prayer” ….It’s a great song but a terrible third-down strategy. Oregon needs QB Dylan Raiola to build on his three-touchdown performance against Northwestern and find WR Dakorien “I drive a DeLorean” Moore for big plays without giving the Buckeyes cheap possessions. OSU needs a better game from QB Fahey and for Jeremiah Smith to turn catches into touchdowns. OSU defense must keep the Ducks behind the chains as the Buckeyes try to rebound from the USC loss. Buckeyes 24 Foie Gras 20
#6 Kentucky Wildcats vs #13 Tennessee Volunteers 545pm
Kentucky–Tennessee has ZT thinking about the movie “The Great Outdoors”: everybody arrives expecting a pleasant weekend, and somebody ends up wishing they’d stayed home. (You see any movies after 1990 ZT?? ) ZT’s calling this one the Hillbilly Bowl, where the banjos handle the pregame show and bragging rights ride home in the pickup. Expect Tennessee’s defense will force enough third-down stops and RB DeSean Bishop will supply the tough rushing yards for the home win. Volunteers 28 Blue Grass Hillbillies 20
#1 Miami Hurricanes vs #11 Notre Dame Fighting Irish 630pm
3 of the Top 4 Heisman Candidates will be playing in this one at South Bend. ZT figures a Hurricane in South Bend in November is just lake-effect snow with a better marketing department. Expect ND QB CJ “baby you can drive my” Carr to find WR Jordan Faison for key gains while the Irish defense makes Miami QB Darian Mensah and WR Cooper Barkate step up with Malachai Toney out. ZT says Touchdown Jesus does His thing! Fighting Irish 31 Tropical Disturbance 21
#2 Georgia Bulld0gs vs. #12 Ole Miss Rebels 630pm
Georgia–Ole Miss is like “The Hangover,” because somebody’s leaving Oxford with a headache and a missing playoff cushion. Georgia pairs a clock-controlling ground game with QB Gunner Stockton, while Ole Miss counters with ZT’s favorite SEC QB Trinidad Chambliss and a fast-paced passing attack built for big plays. Upset Special Rebels 31 3-legged dawgs 30
#21 Iowa Hawkeyes vs #26 Northwestern Wildcats 630pm
ZT figures Iowa’s idea of reckless behavior is ordering spicy corn and going for it on fourth-and-inches. Northwestern is the kind of school that would dispute a holding penalty with a PowerPoint presentation and three peer-reviewed sources. Even with NW starting QB out….. Upset Special Wildcats 24 Boys of the Corn 21
Oklahoma Sooners vs. #25 Florida Gators 645pm
Some pressure on UF’s Sumrall but will have to see what New OU OC Jason Witten ( yes that former Dallas TE Jason Witten! ) throws at the Gators in the Swamp. UF changing QB’s again… Close but sticking with the swamp people Gators 27 Sooners 24
West Virginia Mountaineers vs. Texas Tech Red Raiders 830pm
West Virginia–Texas Tech is the late-night nacho platter of this slate: ZT knows he’s already had enough, but he’s absolutely not walking away!! Here is to TUMS at 1am after all this… Red Raiders 41 Cletus, Jethro,& the others 20
Dad Joke: Why did the coach go to the bakery? He was looking for a “roll” model.
Dad Joke bonus: Why did the man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well.
Dad Joke bonus 2: What’s the least spoken language in the world? Sign Language
The Padre and ZT will be back next week after “digesting” this huge CFB Steak weekend!!
