Week 5 was as advertised with upsets, big wins and, unfortunately, several teams eating the proverbial “Rat Poison”! Even ZT’s 2026 favorite UMASS got a dose of reality at the hands of Eastern Michigan ( ZT you are the one that fed the UMASS Minutemen all that hype rat poison so its on you!! ).
Pigskin Prognostication Accountability Update: Well, a good week for both the Padre and ZT. 8-2 with both calling the FSU upset over UVA. For the season, ZT still with a 1 game lead at 37-17 and the Padre at 36-18.
ZT enjoying his time at #1….Enough Said!! OK, maybe a little more as ZT on the road ahead of the storm & stopped at a very remote Shell Station to fuel up and grab a snack. It was one of those places that had everything from vapes to clothing ( rural Alabama Dollar General basically ) but also a sign that said “breakfast, lunch and dinner”… Cook was out front smoking a cig so ZT knew it was worth checking out. 4 dudes with pickups jacked up taller than Shaq were sitting out front eating….ZT asked what was good and with no hesitation, good ole boy said “It you like grease, it’s all good!” Asked the cig cook what was good and she pointed to a few items and ZT noted he would be driving and eating. She quickly said “then you’re gettin chicken fingers and friend okra”…as noted, ZT did and expects today’s prognostications to be a little greasier than normal so here we go…….
#7 Indiana Hoosiers Vs Nebraska Cornhuskers 11am
Hoosiers and Huskers in the past would have been a game that would have featured fans wearing sensible shoes, meatloaf for the tailgate, and more punting to wear the grass down. Not anymore! Both teams are 5-0 and Nebraska Sr. QB Anthony Colandrea has 13 TDs and only 2 INTs. Cignetti has QB Josh Hoover who as 15TDs and 0 INTs in 2026. ZT’s difference maker? IU RB Turbo “charged” Richards averaging over 117 YPG and 9.3 YPC!! Hard to pick against the Cignetti but….. Upset Special Huskers 24 Hoosier Daddy 23
Texas A & M Aggies vs. #14 Missouri Tigers 11am
Aggies got more traditions than your grandmama has casserole recipes. Mizzou is like the quiet cousin at a reunion who doesn’t say much, eats 2 plates of food, then wins the family cornhole tournament wearing blue/tan saddle oxfords. Mizzou got back on track after losing at Miss St by zip tying the Gators led by QB Austin “Powers” Simmons who threw for 340 yds and 2 TDs ( 13 TDs 0 IN 24Ts in 2026) Yeah Baby! ZT says Eli’s coming for the W. Tigers 28 March On Boys 24
South Carolina Gamecocks vs #16 Florida Gators 1145am
Rebound week in Gainesville! Gamecocks lost a heartbreaker at home in OT while Gators are glad to be back in their home environment after a trip to the Midwest brought the fan base back to SEC reality. Gamecocks treat turnovers ( 8 YTD ) like complimentary after dinner mints! ZT remembers gators love poultry from the James Bond movie “Live and Let Die” ( ZT…that movie is over 50 years old! ) so going with Sumrall and the Gators! Gators 31 Fried Nuggets 20
#21 UCLA Bruins vs #13 Oregon Ducks 230pm
Bruins headed to Oregon for a Big 10 match up….and confirms that conference geography makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine. Bruins is 4-0 and owning the ground like someone winning at the game Risk with 281 yards per game on the ground. Ducks are averaging 505 YPG and are currently perfect when they get to the red-zone. Playing at Eugene is about as welcoming to a visiting team as your neighbors lawn mower at 6am on a Saturday morning. Ducks 38 Bruised Bears 24
#1 Texas Longhorns vs Oklahoma Sooners 230pm
#1 Longhorns survived Rocky Top while the Sooners have gathered up the last of their body parts in a bye week after a beat down in Athens. Would you believe OU QB Mateer & Arch Manning have almost identical passing stats? Difference maker? Texas Defense allows less than 14 PPG. ZT notes you must be careful in prognosticating rivalries and especially with Fletchers corny dogs and fried butter being cooked in the vicinity at the Texas State Fair. Longhorns just too much this round. Longhorns 24 Will be over Sooner than Laters 17
#9 Ole Miss Rebels vs Vanderbilt Commodores 230pm
Rebels head to NashVegas still trying to wash off that big loss at Florida while Vandy has back to back SEC losses. ZT remains a Trinidad Chambliss fan and just sees the Commodores not having a real answer to him. Rebels get back on the winning track and Commodores go to lower Broad Street playing Achy Breaky Heart in their Porsche Cayenne with the windows up. Rebels 35 Billy Rays Buddies 20
#10 LSU Tigahs vs Kentucky Wildcats 600pm
A pair of 4-1 teams that absolutely arrive in Lexington on different buses. Tigahs hung 63 in an October scrimmage vs. McNeese State while Wildcats hit a trifecta in an OT win at Columbia over the Gamecocks. KY HC Will “Beer” Stein has the Wildcats on a good run and they are not afraid to win as ugly as the last person in the bar at 2am. Tighter than Vegas thinks. Tigahs 28 Wild ‘n Out Cats 21
#2 Georgia Bulldogs vs. #6 Bama 630pm
Its the game of the week. Weather from Hurricane Isaias has been the story of the week but at 630pm on Saturday, they got to line up and play. Winner is likely ranked #1 but that is not critical. The key is a great game, no losses after and this would not be the last time these 2 meet. Dawgs better equipped if weather is a factor but real deal is can Bama avoid a sluggish start. Someone has to win it and going with the Tide. Bama 24 Dawgs 23
#23 Boise State Broncos vs Fresno State Bulldogs 930pm
Love this late night game and will be better than normal Hawaii Rainbow Insomnia Special we typically get. Both teams are undefeated since their opening week loses to ranked teams. Bottom line….its too late for too much banter on a late game. ZT feeling it…Upset Special Bulldogs 24 Bucked Broncos 21
Padre has offered full dispensation to his Gators for last week and is ready to take out ZT like a Bug Zapper at a BBQ!
I begin in the manner of the old Twilight Zone tv show introductions: Picture a college football program. This program used to rule the football world. Sure, the team was a motley crew of personalities that included a murderer, several petty criminals, trash talkers, partiers, and the most famous Christian athlete of all time….but they still ruled college football!
Then along came a Napoleon-type figure from West Virginia. He wore dark red and liked to yell at reporters….and maybe even puppies – I’m not sure. He once tasted bitter defeat at the hands of the original program mentioned. Led by St. Timmy the Saint and His Reptilian Hellions, this program looked unstoppable. But the Napoleonic figure did not take too kindly to the loss, so he set out to destroy St. Timmy’s empire….and destroy it he did (he even made St. Timmy cry!). He wrecked Timmy’s program so thoroughly that he sent that college football team into a decade-and-a-half funk that has left its fan base bitter, tired, hostile, and (at times) hopeless.
Now picture that program getting a firebrand general of its own. Maybe its own Napoleon who could once again help it conquer college football. Then imagine this program blowing out the No. 4 team in the country in year one! The people were excited!!! Confidence was at a two-decade high. But this excitement would not only be short-lived – it would be ripped away from this program in a manner suitable for a Friday the 13th movie.
So, that was my week as a fan! How about yours?
Well, it’s a new week. I may be limping into it, but I’m still upright. So, let’s do this!
Ole Miss @ Vandy: The Commodores without Pavia are like the Commodores without Lionel—meh. The Rebels licked their wounds after the beatdown in Gainesville, and I think this one will be about as easy as Sunday morning. Ole Miss-38, Vandy-20.
Texas A & M @ Mizzou: I just want to say that every single Southeastern Conference cell in my body wants Mizzou to go back to where they came from! At least when they weren’t in the SEC, I could say, “Man, look at them and their easy schedule. They would never do anything against SEC competition.” Now I have to take my Midwestern beating and shut my Gator snout. A&M is not playing very well. Mizzou is playing very well…or at least they played very well against my Gators. I am not sure why the line is so close in this one. Mizzou-30, Texas A&M-16.
Indiana @ Nebraska: If you had told me in 1995 that this game would one day be a Big Ten game, I would have told you that you were crazy. If you then told me that one day this game would feature defending National Champion Indiana visiting long-time struggling Nebraska, I would have told you to get off the mushrooms and get some help (Elvis isn’t alive – and yes, we walked on the moon). And yet, here we are! Truth is indeed stranger than fiction. Looking at the game, I was actually surprised at this line as well. I think Cig will be laser-focused. Indiana-30, Nebraska-17.
South Carolina @ Florida: I said what I needed to say about last week in my opening commentary. The only thing that I did not mention from last week is that I was worried my picking of Florida may be a jinx! And after picking them, it was one ugly game. So, what am I supposed to do when I think Florida should indeed win? Should I go against my desire to be fair-minded as a picker? Should I only pick against my team to counter a jinx? Should I stop watching football because this all sounds absolutely absurd coming from a 47-year-old man? (My bride would prefer that!). I am torn! Well, as fate would have it, the football gods (not a real thing!) shined their light on me through a prank by my church’s Director of Youth Ministry! I think Florida is going to win, BUT to counter that, she unknowingly fixed my dilemma by covering my truck in “Go Gamecocks” writing! See, as I see it, I can now pick Florida because she flipped the jinx by covering my truck in South Carolina ridiculousness (and she is a Clemson Tiger!). I think Florida has been exposed, and South Carolina will do exactly what Mizzou did to us in terms of game planning, but I still think Florida wins at home. Gators-34, Gamecocks-27.
Texas @ Oklahoma: Texas’ offense has been disappointing. Oklahoma’s offense has been worse than listening to Tim Brando on a 24-hour loop. The Sooners will force Texas into a fistfight, but the Horns are just simply better. Texas-26, Oklahoma-13.
UCLA @ Oregon: I would possibly pick the Bruins if this game were in Pasadena. But it is instead at the home of Animal House and Nike. And to paraphrase the movie, that Duck program is R-I-C-H rich. And rich matters in modern football. Oregon-33, UCLA-26.
LSU @ Kentucky: Ahhhhhhh, the home game and stadium of the Bluegrass Miracle. Outside of my own team winning, and Florida State and Georgia getting the Death Penalty for daring to exist in my personal football universe, there is nothing I would want more than for Kentucky to send the “Lane Train” back to Baton Rouge with a belt to their caboose and a second L. But Lane has a train full of 4- and 5-Stars, while Kentucky has good chicken, expensive horses, and bourbon. LSU-38, Kentucky-23.
Boise St @ Fresno State: I know these two teams about as much as I know the insider words my son uses with his friends. It’s all Smurf Turf to me. It’s at Fresno, so I will go with the upset. Team Red-24, Team Blue-23.
Georgia @ Bama: It’s ugly fire-engine red vs. classic deeper red. It’s an unoriginal, stolen Green Bay “G” vs. simple/classic numbers. It’s a generic/boring name (Bulldogs) vs. an original/unique name (Crimson Tide). It’s Bear Bryant and Nick Saban vs. Ray Goff and Jim Donnan…Okay, maybe I was a little too selective there on the historical coach selections (Gator blindness and all). Anyway, I was picking Bama all this week! But now there is lots of wind coming to T-Town, and wind is not good for a pass-heavy team like Bama. Because of my obviously, objectively, morally justified hatred of all things smelly/ugly Dawgs, I will be yelling “Roll Tide” all night long.…but I am now convinced Kirby is smiling from ear to ear with this wind coming to his retired Daddy’s backyard. Georgia + Isaias = Bama Tears. Georgia-26, Bama-20.
If you know me, and if you don’t know me, pray for me on Sunday morning if Florida loses to South Carolina. I will need it!
God is good, win or lose. Win or lose, God is good!
Gator Out
Dad Joke: If a pig loses its voice, does that mean its disgruntled??
Dad Football Joke: What did the receiver say to the football? Catch you later!
Bonus Dad Weather Joke: Why did the orchestra get stuck by lightening? It had a conductor.
Padre and ZT will be back next week with more prognostications, unless the FCC finally steps in……..
