Week 1 did not disappoint the CFB fans!!
Kirby Smart and Mario “Crystal Ball” were relieved to hear the Facebook rumor on the Doak Campbell Stadium power outage turned out to be false. Initial reports claimed a suspect running from the police caused it. Both coaches immediately checked their “find ankle monitor” tracking apps noting AI said there was a 94.8% chance it was one of their players! Ole Miss HC Pete Golding heard plumbers and HVAC techs make 6 digits these days. He was quietly making sure Trane and Roto-Rooter knew he was open for an NIL deal with that pen stuck in his visor for the post game interview. All the talk was about Western Michigan having the Wolverines beat and the Dabonators getting beat like an entryway rug at a sand pit office…..but don’t miss that perennial ESPN Bottom Ten UMass Minutemen took out “We’re in a Rut”gers Scarlet Knights. Rutgers Athletics department immediately began promoting Rutgers LaCrosse. Ok…on to Week 2
Pigskin Prognostication Accountability Update: Well….both ZT and the Padre were 7-3, missing on 2 upset calls including FSU & Louisville. Additionally, neither respected Coach Prime and that cost them as well. Still tied at 10-5 for the season but got a feeling Week 2 will see that change!
Padre said he only need to be gracious to ZT in week 1 allowing hm to go first but now “It’s ON!”…… Padre leads off ( plus it will save the readers time since a large number generally skip ZT anyway! )
Observations from Week 1: The SEC won the game of chicken against Lane and LSU. But while Lane lost a battle, he is winning the war. Attention. Money. Fame. Did I mention attention? All these things are going LSU’s way. They may become the 2020s version of the 1980s Hurricanes. And LSU fans don’t care. They just want to win. I would throw stones at their fanbase, but (a) Jesus told me not to do that, and (b) that stone would probably ricochet right off their pot of etouffee and hit me right between the eyes, and I’d fall like Goliath.
Other than that, we did have football games last week – including a controversial ending in Michigan. But even that does not get the attention that Lane garners. Did I mention he likes attention?
Well, back to football for Week 2. I am fighting off a virus or something, so please excuse my weak attempts (or even weaker than normal attempts) at humor. Dad Joke Humor + Man-Cold Blues = A Sudafed Snore Fest of Wannabe Clever Picks
Tennessee @ Georgia Tech: Lane’s former team (my gosh, I am already talking about him in my first pick!) travels to Hotlanta to take on a team reeling from a loss to the humble likes of Deion Sanders. I think the game will be close for a while, but the Vols pull away in the fourth. Tennessee-34, Georgia Tech-23.
Arizona St @ Texas A&M: I am a big believer in Arizona State’s head coach. I am a bigger believer in more talent, speed, and size. The Devil may have lost a fiddle battle in Georgia, but the Sun Devils are about to get a big Texas-sized spanking in College Station. A&M-31, Arizona St-13.
Duke @ Illinois: After Bama won a Natty but not a conference title in the same year, Steve Spurrier quipped that it was harder to win the SEC than the National Championship. Well, I guess you can say the same thing about the ACC! – LOL. Miami, who came inches away from a Natty, left the season with no titles. Meanwhile, Duke is the reigning ACC Champion! The Mighty Blue Devils travel to Champaign for a game of Oblong Ball and not Roundball. Nothing against the ACC Champs, but I will take the home team in this one. Illinois-27, Duke-24.
Oklahoma @ Michigan: I could try – boy, could I try – to give so many One Second Dad Jokes here. But alas, I will spare the masses (and by masses, I mean like a dozen people) who read my picks each week. Life isn’t fair. I know that all too well! But poor Western Michigan discovered time isn’t real, and that has to cause an existential crisis on top of a loss. Anyway, Oklahoma is better than Michigan. Add 1 hour to the game. It won’t matter. Oklahoma-26, Michigan-13.
Bama @ Kentucky: I confess that I am a little confused about how Bama is only favored by 9 points. Maybe they are looking ahead to the Revenge Bowl against Florida State? Maybe they stopped at Milos on the way to the Birmingham airport. Either way, I think Bama is hopped-up on that super sweet Milo’s tea and focused. Bama is simply better. And I think Kentucky Fried Chicken is overrated. In the real South, we eat Chick-fil-A! Add some waffle fries and another sweet tea, and you get an Elephant stompin’. The Tide rolls! Bama-41, Kentucky-16.
Arizona @ BYU: My favorite new commercial is where the BYU student gets locked out of the apartment, in the freezing cold, because as soon as she stepped on the balcony, the Cougars started playing well. In recent years, I received the wrath (by wrath, I mean a comment and a stare-down) of my beautiful bride when I told my son to leave the room – because before he walked in, Florida was playing well. Look, I don’t make Football Science. It is what it is! I am going to create a sign that says, “In This House We Believe in Football Science” (some will get that joke). Anyway, Football Science aside, BYU is better than Arizona. BYU-30, Arizona-20.
Campbell @ Florida: Even my Gator cynicism cannot overlook the reality of this game. Gators play nothing but backups in the second half. Florida-66, Campbell-10. But don’t worry, I will find something to complain about! Like I said in the previous pick, it’s Football Science!
Southern Miss @ Auburn: My Gators have Auburn next week. I am not very confident going to Auburn after FAU and Campbell. So, I would love Auburn to have a 7-OT game this Saturday. Unfortunately, these aren’t Favre’s Golden Eagles. Plus, even if he was available, Mary picked that Ben Stiller character over Brett. No amount of “Build Me Up Buttercup” will make this a happy affair for Southern Miss. Auburn Big!! Auburn – 44 Southern Miss – 10
Iowa St @ Iowa: The annual “Corn Bowl” (at least, that is what it should be called). I respect the heck out of Iowa St, but their overachieving HC is now in Happy Valley. I just don’t see how the Cyclones find a way. Iowa-31, Iowa St-10. And outside the state of Iowa, nobody will be watching. Because of….
Ohio St @ Texas: This game may seriously be a preview of a semifinal or final game in the CFP. If it were played on a neutral site, I would probably pick Ohio St. But alas, it is being played in Austin. Sark will have Arch ready to go. Most importantly, like Oprah before him, Sark tells the players in the locker room before the game that if they beat the Buckeyes, “You get a Lamborghini. You get a Lamborghini. Everybody gets a Lamborghini!” Funny thing? – You know I am joking, and yet you think it could still happen. Welcome to college football in 2026! Texas-24, Ohio State-20.
Got my popcorn ready – for football? Oh no, I am saving it for Lane’s next move to keep the spotlight on himself. I am going to say that he hires a voodoo woman from the swamp to place hexes on opposing teams before a game.
And I apologize for the terrible jokes…well, worse than normal jokes. Man-colds are the WORST! – It’s science!
GATOR OUT!!!
If you are still reading this blog….you must be stuck on a runway at ATL during a storm or the power is out at your house. ZT is ready to make you glad you kept reading with week 2 prognostications..
Oklahoma @ Michigan. 1100am
So just wait a second ( that was weak, even for you ZT! )… Vegas flips from Michigan as a FG favorite to almost a TD underdog at home?!?!?! Sooners come to Ann Arbor to face a pack of Wolverines who survived a kick in the face from some Broncos. Can they rebound from it? HC Whittingham noted big $$ QB Bryce Underwood & the offense had to improve quickly. Siri even asked Bryce if he needed directions at halftime. OU HC Venables defense will be ready and veteran QB John Mateer can handle the pressure. Sooners 21 Maize Malaise 20
Arizona St @ Texas A & M. 1100am
The pregame song in this one will be “Hot in Herre” ( Nelly for you old people & that’s the correct spelling!). So the line “take off all your clothes” ( bet you listen to your music on YouTube ZT ) could could apply in College Station to most teams but the Sun Devils will be happy to see cooler temps than at home ( mid 90s ). Expect Offenses to be hot as well..Both teams whipped up on Week 1 patsies as they should. Aggies at home is a good thing, if you are an Aggie. Aggies 42 Solar Eclipse 27
Alabama @ Kentucky. 230pm
This is the proverbial “trap game” for Bama. Coming off an opening week practice game that showed more issues than the score did. Also post game presser noted the “left side of O-line needed work” so pretty sure Wildcat HC Will “beer” Stein will be all over that. Will be closer than Vegas says but Tide gets the W on the road. Bama 27 Blue Kitties 21
Arizona @ BYU. 230pm
So BYU Cougars have a QB named Bear and a WR named Legend…..that’s all a Bama graduate needs to know…. Also BYU may rename their NIL collective “Yellowstone 2” Cougars 27 Feral Cats 20
Duke @ Illinois 230pm
ACC vs Big 10…. This one will be played in Champaign but the Blue Devils recall the drubbing they they took in Durham last year so they will be ready. Illini HC Bret Bielema has dropped about 75 lbs. after being told gaining weight would not really help him float better in a pool. Duke already got revenge over last year’s loss to Tulane, Illini struggled a bit with UAB and ZT just has one of those feelings ( hopefully better than when you had “one of those feelings the past 2 weeks ). Upset Special. Blue Devils 28 “Looks like University of Illinois” 27 (Really ZT? Risky Business movie reference?? )
Campbell @ Florida 430pm
Why would Fighting Camels go to the swamp? AI advised “ a gator can eat a camel but only in pieces.” Well, ZT loves Camels ( won some money over the summer watching them race “little people” awaiting CFP to start ) and these camels are 2-0. They are lead by QB Kamden Sixkiller (Top 5 QB name for sure!) who can run, throw and also knows how to do the Dougie. In the words of The Rock “ It doesn’t matter that you can do the Dougie!!” Gators 52 My Humps My Humps 10
Tennessee @ Georgia Tech. 600pm
How does Tech respond after a heartbreak loss last week to Colorado 14-13 ( that’s up to you to answer ZT as you are writing this! )?? The 2026 version of the Hillbillies in Orange hung 56 points on Furman last week so they are ready for a trip to Atlanta. Need to see more from the Ramblin’ Wreck & QB Baby Mendoza before ZT can give them the nod against better competition. GT has not started 0-2 since 1989 when “my thoughts were short, my hair was long caught somewhere between a boy and man” Vols 31 Car still at Jiffy Lube 24
Ohio State @ Texas 630pm
Here we go…biggest game of the day, maybe September! ZT initially was counting the number of fans in their game gear in the Atlanta Airport as part of his deep statistical evaluation of this game. It was close and then 2 Notre Dame fans passed by and just ruined the entire vibe. Will note the winner of this game gets an early season CFP boost while the loser gets 12 weeks of message board therapy from Oprah. ZT just has a feeling on this one ( likely from your Power Lunch ZT ). Upset Special Buckeyes 27 Longhorns 24
Iowa State @ Iowa. 630pm
ZT loves corn…while this is officially called the Cy-Hawk bowl, ZT working to rename it the Cob-Knocker Bowl (good job ZT by at least keeping the hyphen ).. Cyclones have won last 2 and 3 of last 4 but new HC Jimmy Rogers with a tractor load of new transfers ( 10 on offense ) will be more than challenged by the Hawkeye DL. Hawkeyes 28 Light Breeze 13
So. Miss @ Auburn 645pm
Nice W for the Tigers last week over a quality Baylor Bears squad… Eagles took care of Alcorn State, as they should have. Tigers are home for the month of September and even though the Gators come to the “loveliest village near Opelika” next week, they won’t be distracted by reptiles this week. Alex Golesh goes 2-0 and keeps “Chaos” from being the strategy for the rest of 2026. Tigers 38 Mississippi Magpies 17
Dad Joke: What instrument do most defensive lineman play? A Sack-Sophone
Bonus Dad Joke: What does a baby computer call his father? Data
ZT and the Padre will be back next weekend when even the Tennis fans are no longer distracted…
Pigskin Prognostications by the Piedmont Padre and Zimmern's Twin 