PIEDMONT PADRE —> Priorities are priorities….
Louisville N/A NCSU N/A
The Piedmont Padre had a Bible Study ( for real ) and did not get this pick submitted in time. He put Bible Study First…….over football. In the SEC, is that actually having your priorities in order??? 🙂
LSU 24 Florida 20
As a Gator, it’s so hard to pick this loss….And I think UF would usually win. But Florida just lost their best ( current ) WR. That means they are literally playing this game without their starting QB, RB, top 2 WRs ( and that doesn’t count the other suspensions and injuries ). The hard truth finally catches up to them as LSU players are DESPERATE for Coach O to get a win. After the game, Coach Mac says ” Well, we still control our destiny in the East. Ain’t it cool?” Meanwhile, Coach O finally wises up and brings a Cajun Translator to the presser so we can finally understand what he is saying.
Georgia 40 Vandy 10
Once again, it’s VANDY. We fall for this every few years: “Vandy is really good!” NO they may be good FOR Vandy but they ARE Vandy! Georgia controls the game and then pulls away big in the 3rd to early 4th Quarter. Meanwhile, Eason is working on those transfer papers. I know a coach down in Miami ( via Athens ) who would be VERY happy to have a former 5 Star in his stable!
FSU 23 Miami 20
Miami should win this game. They really should! But my gut says FSU becomes Richt’s new FLORIDA!! “Just lose baby!” Meanwhile, the world is a much darker place Saturday Night because FSU won a rivalry game…..and we have to listen to the chop sound all night. Making me sick to my stomach before I preach on Sunday morning.. #MakeAmericaHateFSUAgain.
South Carolina 27 Arkansas 20
If this game was old Muschamp against Old Beliema, it would be over in 1 hour and 30 minutes. Run, Punt. Run, FG. Run, Punt. Run, Punt. Run, Punt. Yell at Ref ( Muschamp) Run, Yell at Ref again ( You know who ). Run, Randomly stare into some weird abyss ( Beliema ). Run, Punt and so on. FINAL OLD SCORE 9-6. BUT it’s not 2013 anymore! SO..Pass, punt. Pass, INT. Pass, INT. Pass, Sack. Pass, Stare into that abyss AGAIN. Yell a little bit…final 27-20.
Bama 44 Texas A&M 17
A&M lost to UCLA. Now it’s Bama. I don’t know why I am even predicting this game. Oh yea, it’s Bama World and we are all just living in it! I think I am required to pick it by Saban Marshall Law now. If I don’t, he may throw that 20 ounce Coke on his podium at me. And it would hurt because it’s full. HE NEVER DRINKS 1 OUNCE OF IT!!!!!!!!
Michigan 31 MSU 16
Harbaugh is a TRUE Michigan Man. The picture attached proves it!!
Oregon 37 Wash State 31 ( Minor Upset of the week!)
Coach Taggart inspires his players to the upset by showing them the scenes in “The Ballad of Ricky Bobby” where R. B. overcomes the cougar!
West Virginia 30 TCU 27 UPSET SPECIAL!
Everybody knows mountain men love the taste of a good frog!
The Padre is off to prepare a sermon on “Love Thy Enemies” so he is able to watch the FSU-MIAMI game…
ZIMMERN’S TWIN dreaming of the Chocolate Waterfall at Golden Corral!!
Thursday Contest ( was at the Corral when I made this pick!)
Louisville 34 NC State 31 ( Slight Upset )
Louisville (#17) is 0-6 vs. ranked opponents on the road. ” That’s no problem since I am a Harley man” says Petrino. ” Have done some of my best work on the road…if it was in Arkansas I would guarantee you a win!” Cardinals have beaten up on a few “state” teams since the loss to the Dabocados a few weeks back. Unfortunately, North Carolina is actually a state and the Wolfpack ( #24) has been looking forward to this one since they scalped the Noles 2 weeks ago. Looking at streaks, NCSU is 0-5 in must recent history when actually ranked in the Top 25. Something has to give!!! Many of the pundits like NCSU as a home dog ( Vegas & ESPN ). My angle is when a team breaks out a special uniform ( remember the infamous Georgia Bulldog Blackout vs. Bama?) as a motivator, I go the other way and the Black Howl Wolfpack Halloween Costume is the tilt to go with Louisville, in a very close one.
Note: New Louisville AD Tyra told the press ” I am a crier, so get used to it….win or lose I will cry”……sniffle, sniffle, sniffle….so if you miss the game, don’t look for his emotions to give you any clue as to the outcome. Maybe he will replace James Van Der Beek on the Google Images 1st page of criers!!!
Penn State 38 Northwestern 17
Nittany Lions have only been tested by the Iowa Hawkeyes this year. Lots of folks in the Happy Valley starting to compare this squad to the undefeated 1994 team. Coach Franklin, when asked about the team said ” I know I came from Vandy, but I really LOVE winning….IT’S FUN!!” For the Wildcats, as quoted in the movie 300, ” this will not be over quickly, nor will you enjoy it.” They are still reeling from last week’s game with Wisconsin. Northwestern HC Fitzgerald says PSU RB Barkley ” Is the best back I have seen on tape!” At the post game presser, Fitzgerald says…..” Wish I hadn’t rented that tape!” Nittany Lions celebrate with a “Case of Rocks” ( I.e. Rolling Rock Beer) after the game and while the 2nd case is being delivered chant “We want Bama!”
LSU 24 GATORS 21 (Upset Special )
Mac and the Gators have held this thing together better than a redneck with a 72 Chevy Vega, 50 feet of chicken wire, 6 rolls of duct tape and 3 cans of that flex seal crap! Unfortunately, the injury to QB Del Rio, who was “getting it” likely is just too much to handle! Coach Orgeron said this week ( interpreted by Farmer Fran from the WATERBOY ) ” Me and the AD and our coaches are all on the same page” following a disturbing home loss to the real Men of Troy! After further questioning, ” the page” referred to was the Want Ads & Homes for Sale section of The Advocate ( Baton Rouge Daily Paper ). Mac notes to the Gator faithful ” Ain’t it like Life? We are still in the hunt to win the East and don’t forget to buy a bottle of Mombo3 BBQ sauce……it takes me to a happy place!” That’s good because Gainesville likely won’t be one this week!
MIAMI 23 FSU 21
Hurricanes conjure up another storm in advance ( Hurricane Nate ) to distract the Noles. Coach Richt, when asked about the current 7 game losing streak to FSU says “1st, wasn’t here for it, 2nd we are simply better than they are….3rd ( taking a line from Sally Field in Forest Gump) …It’s my time, It’s just my time”…..Jimbo Fisher is spotted on the mast of a large shrimp boat in the gulf as the storm approaches yelling ” IS THAT ALL YOU GOT??..YOU TAKE MY QB, YOU RAIN OUT MY UL MONROE PRACTICE GAME and NOW THIS??!!!” Unfortunately for him, the answer is NO….Hurricane Nate heads toward NOLA and the REAL Hurricanes send FSU to 1-3. Bobby Bowden calls Jimbo and says ” You shouldn’t talk like that to the Big Man Upstairs….did it once and everything was wide right!”
After the storm passes NOLA, Butch Jones washes up on shore chained to a 4000 lb. bronze statue of Tee Martin.
Washington State 34 Oregon 30
Coach Leach, fresh off an upset of the left coast Trojans at home last Friday, will have one extra day to prepare for some wounded Ducks in Oregon. After the USC game Leach compared it to Woodstock saying ” It was like Woodstock but everyone had their clothes on!” He then said after playing on Friday ” Monday will be like Sunday, just no church, Tuesday will be like Monday and nothing will be right till Saturday” which is further proof his parents were obviously at Woodstock for the entire event ( like we needed more proof!). Duck QB Herbert will be out after breaking a collarbone vs. CAL. Word is team Docs could not address the injury quickly during that game as the California EPA was testing the Oregon team for Carbon Dioxide emissions and verifying their carbon credits!!
Michigan 28. Michigan State 17
Harbaugh made lots of news by jumping off the 3 meter platform in his beloved Khakis this week. Truth is Harbaugh had just wet his pants after looking at the teams he would have to beat in order to win the Big10 and be able to chant “We want Bama!” Also he said these were the same pants he wore against Purdue and the locker room was so nasty he couldn’t get the stench out of his pants. Sparty comes in at 3-1 but this does not look like one of the tougher MSU teams. The fact the team just joined the Oprah book club is another indicator. Coach Dantonio, who is 7-3 vs. Michigan all-time and 3-1 in the Big House, on being asked if he would be willing to jump in a pool in his khakis said ” I don’t own any khakis, haven’t worn any since we played Purdue…..also, it’s a bladder thing.” Wolverines have a Spartan Feast on Saturday.
South Carolina 27 Arkansas 24 ( minor upset )
Coach ” I have never had a burger smaller than a Triple” Bielema ( does make him a ZT all-American ) says publicly “I am worried my team will get the word I am on the Hot Seat”…..Great way to keep that rumor in check! Who are the Razorbacks this year? Hard to tell, beat 2 nobody’s & lose to TCU & TXA&M. Just can’t see them beating the Gamecocks on the road with Bama and Auburn looming on the schedule. Coach Hulk Muschamp has floundered the last 3 weeks losing to KY & TXA&M while squeezing out a LA Tech win. Muschamp says ” we are still learning how to finish” which is what a lot of 3-2 coaches would say. That may explain why 98% of his tweets are actually retweets. Still, a weird feeling for ZT ( maybe the Jalapeño Brownies ) and going against the flow with a Gamecock Victory! Muschamp suplexes the mascot 14 times and spikes him at midfield vs. tearing down the goal posts again…AD instructions!!
Auburn 42 Ole Miss 24
Well…….Nobel semi-finalist Malzahn says “Ole Miss will play the best game they have ever played this week……or at least in the past week.”…..The Gus Bus will not have to go far to pick up another W this week. Colonel Reb is REALLY crying now ( oldie but goodie YouTube from the Coach Orgeron days in Oxford ) after that beat down in Tuscaloosa last week. Gus said the Ole Miss QB has ” a little Johnny Manziel in him”……..Not sure he will now get past stadium security with that statement! Got to go with the Tigers when the Ole Miss OC Phil “throw it ” Longo said he saw “a few positives” in the Bama game…….just checked the score again…..Phil, it was 66-3!! One of his quotes was they only had 3 penalties…..great! If this was boxing, that would be like saying ” I got knocked down 3 times in the 1st round and knocked out in the 2nd but the referee didn’t have to take any points from me for a low blow. Rebel fans just need to pour another bottle of Tito’s in the punch and enjoy the tailgates for the remainder of 2017!
Georgia 38 Vandy 16
Vandy Chancellor has stricken the phrase ” We Want _______(fill in the blank)” on Campus. You can do that at a private school! Not been a good run for the ‘Dores since losing to BAMA and the Gators. QB Schumer can’t do it all and with mid-terms coming up, not good for the team focus ( most SEC schools don’t have this issue!). Bulldogs continue to separate themselves from the rest of the mediocre teams in the SEC East. Kirby provided a “Captain Obvious” assessment of the upcoming game. He said ” We need to Eat the Clock ( ZT likes that eating is involved ), Win 3rd down on Defense and Don’t look ahead.” Interesting Bulletin Board material for Vandy on the 3rd point but they will miss it studying for a calculus test. Coach Mason is considering bringing his UF Lacrosse playing daughter to play some DB. “She may be 5’3″ but she will hit you harder than some of those engineers I got playing now…..just need a NCAA waiver so she can carry her stick!”
Kansas 97 Texas Tech 93
Giving you the Hoops score because the football contest is not worth ZT’s brain cells to analyze. Texas Tech pounds them worse than a tough steak. Also, I finished my buffet with Weiss and “Manchild” Mangino and promised them, over a refill of mashed potatoes and gravy, that I wouldn’t pick against Kansas until both were paid out on their contracts
Texas 24 Kansas State 17
Bill Snyder makes the entire team switch to Oatmeal for the week. Experts trying to figure out the angle. Snyder finally says it is about team speed…..Says when he goes to the dog track he bets on the dog that “does it” before the race and Oatmeal ( with a dash of Metamucil ) will make his guys “go” before the game, therefore they will be faster. He also said a key to winning the game is ” catching the ball”. Sounds like something a guy that invented the forward pass would say…….Hmmm, come to think of it, pretty sure Snyder was there. In fairness, Wildcats dropped 10 balls in last 2 games. Told they brought in former Raider Lester Hayes for a “stickum” training session. ( for you younglings, google him ). Unfortunately, some of it got on Snyder in the bathroom and he wasn’t pried up till Monday. The Burnt Orange Nation will count on their defense for the win. Offense has been anemic but will see the running attack featured vs. KSU. Tom Herman made a smart move in the purchase of his $6 million dollar Austin home a few weeks ago…..outside of the yoga room, pools, etc….IT IS GATED and he will need that if the Longhorns don’t gel quickly…..he is ok this week!
Bama 34 Texas A & M 23
MUCH closer game than the pundits/Vegas think. Nick had an analogy this week about attitude. Said his dad threatened to fire him, then whip his a#$ for getting fired when he came in with a stinky attitude after his high school girlfriend broke up with him……can any of our female readers imagine dating Little Nicky in highschool? Rumor is he was in a van with the girl in question and while listening to Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights” he started looking for film on how the “guy rounded 2nd”…..again, for you younger folks, listen to the song! Coach Sumlin has the Aggies in good order. Understand the angry Board of Regents’ member who called for his firing after the UCLA game has been invited to stand on the sideline for this one. Word is they will make him the bellringer ( some older, funny video on that one!)…..when he tires after the 1st quarter, the 12th man will pummel him and he is taken out on the medical cart, unable to “thumbs up”……….Sumlin smiles large! The Aggies are very capable of an upset and match up nicely with Bama. Good game but Tide rolls in the 4th.
ZT is off to the Hardee’s test kitchen to help them develop another completely disgusting themed burger that not even Joey Chestnut could eat…….